Good Evening! I typically don't do posts in the evening, but I HAD to make an exception tonight. I am freaking out and this is the only way that I can calm my nerves. I just had a line sister give me a call to let me know that the person who requested friendship earlier might have alterior motives. I listened to the story and thought it was quite funny until she started throwing out some statistics that left me a little uneasy. You see, this person asked her who on our line was single (not married, engaged, or in a relationship) and she told them three of us. Now...this number wouldn't seem so bad if there weren't TWENTY-TWO (THREE) of us on our line. Now...I started thinking about this number and I realized that I am the fifth oldest person on our line (not that age really matters) and one of three who isn't even in a relationship. Heck...I'm not even entertaining any possibilities. Then...if you know me then you know that I'm an analytical thinker, so I started looking to my inner circle. My J(A) Squad...Joe - relationship, Cheezie - married, Joneka - married, Jennifer - relationship, Angela - relationship...hmm so I'm the only one there. I even looked into my extended circle and yep...I'm the only one there too. Have I become the "one in ? number"? The more I think about it the scarier it gets. One of my greatest fears is that I will have to live the rest of my life with everyone around being able to enjoy the love and companionship that comes with having a significant other in their life and I'm just alone. I know that this is the point where I need to tell my brain to slow down because I'm only 27 and I'm thinking way too hard on this subject and that I can't judge my future by a percentage or even a number. And that's exactly what I am going to do...I'm going to pay attention to this Texans game and stop thinking about being 60y/o, in a house by myself, and living with 15 cats.
Wooosah! Thanks for letting me release and enjoy the rest of your night!
Bright Side: After I started freaking out on the phone, my line sister said something that didn't sink in until now. "Compromise the first time means there will be a second time." - Ashlee
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Three Sides to Every Story...
Morning! Ok so a friend game me a BRIGHT IDEA! We were talking on FB Chat (yes...I'm always logged on) and he suggested that I give y'all another side to my dating life. They always say that there are three sides to every story: your side. their side. and the truth. Well...I've been giving you my side for the past 9 mos, so now I'm going to give you their side. Well...I'm going to do something a little different and let him give you his opinion of the dating experience with the Random Rambler (and no, I'm not editing anything he's going to type and publish and I'm going to take it)...
Let's call this guy "Carter." Carter and I went to college together. Although we were just cool in college, some kind of way we ended up dating. Carter was still in college (I was channeling my inner cougar) when we first started dating and throughout this on again-off again dating cycle, he graduated and still nothing came of it. In my opinion, Carter & I didn't work because I felt that he needed to experience post-collegiate dating. And to be honest, I always felt like I was older...part of that could have been my fault because I felt the need to explain why something wasn't acceptable, but personally, some things should be common knowledge. For example, Carter & I had been talking about fried pickles for the longest! We made plans to go to this one place when I came into town. I was SUPER excited about these pickles (y'all fried pickles from this place are SOOO good!). Well...when my sister & I reached the city limits, I text Carter that I was there and I was ready for pickles...this ninja had the audacity to tell me that he was playing RockBand and didn't say anything about the pickles. Needless to say, my sister and I went on our own but my feelings were hurt. We talked about these dang pickles for at least a week, but when I got there he was playing a game that could have been paused. Maybe it wasn't really the pickles but the thought that after this long, a video game was more important. But that's just one example...I think after Dating Cycle 3, it was pretty obvious that no matter how much I liked Carter, we were on different pages at different times and it was time to let go. But Carter & I are cool enough that when I give him a random call about writing on my blog, he agrees.
Well, we went out a couple of times, different places here and there. I was still in college and I was single for the first time in a while and wasn't looking for anything serious, I just wanted good company. We hung out, we had fun. I never crossed the line by making a move, because I knew what would have happened and when I felt her feelings were growing, I backed away. I think if I would have made a move, one of two things would have happened; she would have caught stronger feelings or she would have rejected me and things would have been just weird and I didn't want neither result. Looking back, I probably should have communicated how I felt and that could have saved a lot miscommunication, but at the time, I did not feel it was necessary seeing that we were just friends. I didn't see us as dating but just hanging out. (Random Rambler) seemed like she was looking for a serious relationship and I knew that I wasn't. My failure in communicating came down to the fact that we were good friends and I did not want to hurt her feelings or jeopardize our friendship. I think we were not only on different pages but we were reading different books at the time. I was 22 and single. lol If I was 3 years older and a little more mature at the time, this blog post would be a lot different.
So yeah...as you can see I probably need to write a post on the difference between dating and hanging out because obviously I don't know the difference. Like I said before "Carter" and I are still cool and hindsight is always 20/20.
B
Let's call this guy "Carter." Carter and I went to college together. Although we were just cool in college, some kind of way we ended up dating. Carter was still in college (I was channeling my inner cougar) when we first started dating and throughout this on again-off again dating cycle, he graduated and still nothing came of it. In my opinion, Carter & I didn't work because I felt that he needed to experience post-collegiate dating. And to be honest, I always felt like I was older...part of that could have been my fault because I felt the need to explain why something wasn't acceptable, but personally, some things should be common knowledge. For example, Carter & I had been talking about fried pickles for the longest! We made plans to go to this one place when I came into town. I was SUPER excited about these pickles (y'all fried pickles from this place are SOOO good!). Well...when my sister & I reached the city limits, I text Carter that I was there and I was ready for pickles...this ninja had the audacity to tell me that he was playing RockBand and didn't say anything about the pickles. Needless to say, my sister and I went on our own but my feelings were hurt. We talked about these dang pickles for at least a week, but when I got there he was playing a game that could have been paused. Maybe it wasn't really the pickles but the thought that after this long, a video game was more important. But that's just one example...I think after Dating Cycle 3, it was pretty obvious that no matter how much I liked Carter, we were on different pages at different times and it was time to let go. But Carter & I are cool enough that when I give him a random call about writing on my blog, he agrees.
Well, we went out a couple of times, different places here and there. I was still in college and I was single for the first time in a while and wasn't looking for anything serious, I just wanted good company. We hung out, we had fun. I never crossed the line by making a move, because I knew what would have happened and when I felt her feelings were growing, I backed away. I think if I would have made a move, one of two things would have happened; she would have caught stronger feelings or she would have rejected me and things would have been just weird and I didn't want neither result. Looking back, I probably should have communicated how I felt and that could have saved a lot miscommunication, but at the time, I did not feel it was necessary seeing that we were just friends. I didn't see us as dating but just hanging out. (Random Rambler) seemed like she was looking for a serious relationship and I knew that I wasn't. My failure in communicating came down to the fact that we were good friends and I did not want to hurt her feelings or jeopardize our friendship. I think we were not only on different pages but we were reading different books at the time. I was 22 and single. lol If I was 3 years older and a little more mature at the time, this blog post would be a lot different.
So yeah...as you can see I probably need to write a post on the difference between dating and hanging out because obviously I don't know the difference. Like I said before "Carter" and I are still cool and hindsight is always 20/20.
B
Monday, November 22, 2010
Can We Get It Together?
I know, I've been out of commission for a little bit, but I've had events for work, wrapping up my first semester of grad school, then trying to squeeze a little fun. But I'm back...with a story (or two) to tell.
So last week while I wason facebook working, I got a fb chat message from my cousin. I was thinking that she was going to tell me something crazy that my little brother said, but NO! She tells me that this grown tail man came by her desk and asked her to give him my number. Pause...really? Do grown men really go up to someone's cousin and demand for someone else's number? So she was sending me this message to ask me if I would mind. Uhh...yes! This man has talked to me a number of times at work AND has seen me when I've attended various city events with his department. Why is he asking for my number through my cousin and not asking me directly? I told her not to give him anything, I didn't want to get his number, and don't even let him know that she talked to me. I told her to just tell him that he should approach me the next time he sees me. Then I asked (I just had to know) how old he was. She said 35 (yes THREE-FIVE)! Why is a 35 year old man asking someone to "hook them up"? I can understand seeing someone that you're interested in, finding out that you have a mutual contact, and asking them a little background info or even an introduction...but not asking for their number. What if you approach them and their breathe stinks, or they can't complete a sentence? You could've avoided this entire situation if you would have talked to them before you got their number. Or even more...what about the person who's number their asking for (in this case me), what about if I don't want you to have my number? Once you have it, you have it (until I change it) So I guess my thoughts on the subject just don't matter?
If that wasn't enough...this morning I wason facebook working and I get a FB chat message from one of the city's department directors thanking me for attending their employee recognition dinner on Friday night. Then he says that some of the men were coming up to him asking him who I was. He told them to just approach me but they didn't want to. I don't think it's asking too much for a man who has enough self-confidence to approach me...the worst that could happen is that I say no. Heck...I might just say yes. But they will never know until they come up and ask. Anyone who has met me (or who knows me) will tell you that I'm just about the friendliest person that you'll ever meet. 9 times outta 10 I have a smile on my face and I will talk to just about anyone about anything. (seriously, I saw one of the FIFA games and started talking to everyone about it like I had been watching every game) So even if they didn't want to go on Mr. (blank)'s word that I was nice, they could've gone off of the inviting smile on my face.
I can say with all honesty, that I have been doing some of the approaching lately (even though those end up as duds) and it's not all that bad. If they say no (or seem uninterested) my world keeps moving...it's not going to fall off it's axis. But yea...I just thought it was too crazy that 30+ year old men are trying to get the phone number of someone that they've never expressed interest to through a third party...that's just not what's hot. But I don't know...maybe that's what's in and maybe that's why I'm still single.
Bright Side: Umm...(thinking really hard) I had a fabulous time teaching my boss's husband how to Wobble (he's an older, Jewish gentleman and he was getting it! He had everyone on the dance floor SPEECHLESS...he even asked me to get him the song so that he could practice it for exercise. Lol)
P.S. Remind me to tell you about the reason why I don't give second chances...this ninja right here did the fool...but I have to get back to trying to get outta work early work. ;)
So last week while I was
If that wasn't enough...this morning I was
I can say with all honesty, that I have been doing some of the approaching lately (even though those end up as duds) and it's not all that bad. If they say no (or seem uninterested) my world keeps moving...it's not going to fall off it's axis. But yea...I just thought it was too crazy that 30+ year old men are trying to get the phone number of someone that they've never expressed interest to through a third party...that's just not what's hot. But I don't know...maybe that's what's in and maybe that's why I'm still single.
Bright Side: Umm...(thinking really hard) I had a fabulous time teaching my boss's husband how to Wobble (he's an older, Jewish gentleman and he was getting it! He had everyone on the dance floor SPEECHLESS...he even asked me to get him the song so that he could practice it for exercise. Lol)
P.S. Remind me to tell you about the reason why I don't give second chances...this ninja right here did the fool...but I have to get back to
Thursday, November 4, 2010
How soon is too soon?
I just have to get these thoughts out so forgive the randomness:
So I've been thinking a lot about something...how soon is too soon to be "exclusive" with someone? Although I made a pact (with you, my friends, and myself) to start to "Let Go & Let Flow" I'm still a VERY catious person who was always taught that poor preparation leads to poor performance...but can you apply that theory to dating and relationships? When is it a good time to throw caution to the wind and go with the flow and when do you stop and start looking before you leap? Is it something that my intuition will tell me is right or do I silence "Vetta" and stick with my nicely put together Joan (from Girlfriends) relationship plan? What if I risk meeting the man who I'm supposed to be with because I'm in an exclusive dating relationship with someone else (that I didn't take the "normal" amount of time to get to know)? But what if he turns out to be IT? Stop...Breathe...Yep...I'm overthinking this again. One of favorite quotes is from Hillary Stanton Zunin:
So I've been thinking a lot about something...how soon is too soon to be "exclusive" with someone? Although I made a pact (with you, my friends, and myself) to start to "Let Go & Let Flow" I'm still a VERY catious person who was always taught that poor preparation leads to poor performance...but can you apply that theory to dating and relationships? When is it a good time to throw caution to the wind and go with the flow and when do you stop and start looking before you leap? Is it something that my intuition will tell me is right or do I silence "Vetta" and stick with my nicely put together Joan (from Girlfriends) relationship plan? What if I risk meeting the man who I'm supposed to be with because I'm in an exclusive dating relationship with someone else (that I didn't take the "normal" amount of time to get to know)? But what if he turns out to be IT? Stop...Breathe...Yep...I'm overthinking this again. One of favorite quotes is from Hillary Stanton Zunin:
"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief -
But the pain of grief
Is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love"
Is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love"
I guess I should follow this advice and just see what happens...
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Comeback Season...?
I was determined to get this post done by the end of this week, so I'm sitting under the dryer at the beauty shop (I'm going 100% natural y'all...we'll see how this goes) trying to think of the best way to tell this story. But, I figure that the best way is to tell it the way that I always share my experiences...in my own (special) words.
Background:
In high school, there was a guy that I was in a relationship with for 5 years. He was older than me, but that didn't seem to matter to him. No, our relationship was not a physical one...at all. Well 4 1/2 years into the relationship (and 2 mos into the second semester of my freshman year in college), I called him up just to chat and the conversation went like this...
Ring, ring...ring, ring
(woman's voice) Hello?
M: (confused and dumfounded): May I speak to "Jerry"?
Unknown Woman (UW): Who is this?
M: This is J's girlfriend, who are you?
UW: J and I have a 2 year old daughter together and we're getting married (I don't know what else she said because all I heard was my world crashing down)
(cue sound of heart dropping to the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces)
M: Let me speak to him.
(cue UW's ghetto voice screaming at the top of the lungs trying to wake J up)
Jerry: Hello?
M: What the (insert expletives here) is going on?
J: click (phone goes dead)
I try and try to call J back but he was busted and decided that he didn't want to confront the truth. But me being the "Persistent Pattie" that I am...one day (4 mos later) while on my summer internship, I took it upon myself to make a long-distance (international type long distance...like Iceland long distance) phone call to get to the bottom of things. I googled the Naval dental clinic in Iceland and made the call, asked for him, and guess what?!?!? Yep, he came to the phone (Sherlock Holmes has NOTHING on me!). I could hear his face cracking from Iceland when he heard my voice speaking. I didn't get much accomplished during that phone call. Thinking back on it, I don't even know what my goal was...I guess closure. I spoke my peace but it didn't change anything. I just kept going on with my life
J and I had a couple of conversations since that Summer of 2002, he asked to come back, I told him no, he actually asked for forgiveness, I gave it to him (not for me...but for him. I had let that go back a long time ago). Now, we're at a point where we can be cool (not friends, but cool)
Fast Forward 8 years: Jerry and I are Facebook friends. Every now and again we catch each other on FB chat and have "catch-up" conversations. (You know...how's your mom, your brother, etc.) Well, some kinda way Jerry brings up how sorry he is for 8 years ago and how I should be his wife (mind you, Jerry now has a wife of a couple of years and like 3 or 4 kids). I will admit that I have asked a couple of questions about what happened then, but I'm not holding any hard feelings or any grudges...i'm just curious to know about the details that I didn't get back then. But, sometimes the conversation with Jerry can get kinda weird. One time I ask if his wife knew that he was communicating with me and he said "yes, she knows how I feel about you..." STOP she knows how you feel about me...shouldn't that read "felt"? and she's okay with it? WOW...I don't know how I would feel about that I would be furious and I don't think we would be married! Anyway, a couple of weeks ago Jerry stated that he might be coming in town for Halloween and that he wanted to take me out. Now, I know I read a lot into things but this just didn't seem too appropriate. I corrected him and said that we could meet up for lunch or something and he responded that he just wanted to "be with me." Really? Maybe it's just him using a poor choice of words but it seems like this isn't just a friendly-lets-catch-up kinda meeting...which is all that I'm down for. But to make matters worse, I put up a random status about a football game and he commented with a borderline inappropriate comment (one that if it weren't directed towards someone who didn't have the history that we had, it MIGHT be okay). I put up another status about needing to get away and it seemed like he was borderline offended when I said no to his suggestion that I come to his town (where planes don't even fly). (You know what I mean...when someone makes a half-serious/half-joke statement and when you respond, if it's not in their favor then they were joking and you took it too seriously? yea...it was those kind of responses) Anyway, I brushed him it off and decided to start making some changes to my FB settings.
Needless to say, Jerry is well on his way to being taken off the FB friends list altogether and on to the "Not the one" list. To be completely honest, at first I did have one of those "nana-nana-boo-boo" moments where I was like now you see what you missed out on, but now i'm at the "really? you're a 32 year old man who obviously hasn't grown all the way up yet" point. Oh well, I'll update y'all and let you know what my final decision is. I just hope that I'm not blowing it all out of proportion...you know?
Background:
In high school, there was a guy that I was in a relationship with for 5 years. He was older than me, but that didn't seem to matter to him. No, our relationship was not a physical one...at all. Well 4 1/2 years into the relationship (and 2 mos into the second semester of my freshman year in college), I called him up just to chat and the conversation went like this...
Ring, ring...ring, ring
(woman's voice) Hello?
M: (confused and dumfounded): May I speak to "Jerry"?
Unknown Woman (UW): Who is this?
M: This is J's girlfriend, who are you?
UW: J and I have a 2 year old daughter together and we're getting married (I don't know what else she said because all I heard was my world crashing down)
(cue sound of heart dropping to the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces)
M: Let me speak to him.
(cue UW's ghetto voice screaming at the top of the lungs trying to wake J up)
Jerry: Hello?
M: What the (insert expletives here) is going on?
J: click (phone goes dead)
I try and try to call J back but he was busted and decided that he didn't want to confront the truth. But me being the "Persistent Pattie" that I am...one day (4 mos later) while on my summer internship, I took it upon myself to make a long-distance (international type long distance...like Iceland long distance) phone call to get to the bottom of things. I googled the Naval dental clinic in Iceland and made the call, asked for him, and guess what?!?!? Yep, he came to the phone (Sherlock Holmes has NOTHING on me!). I could hear his face cracking from Iceland when he heard my voice speaking. I didn't get much accomplished during that phone call. Thinking back on it, I don't even know what my goal was...I guess closure. I spoke my peace but it didn't change anything. I just kept going on with my life
J and I had a couple of conversations since that Summer of 2002, he asked to come back, I told him no, he actually asked for forgiveness, I gave it to him (not for me...but for him. I had let that go back a long time ago). Now, we're at a point where we can be cool (not friends, but cool)
Fast Forward 8 years: Jerry and I are Facebook friends. Every now and again we catch each other on FB chat and have "catch-up" conversations. (You know...how's your mom, your brother, etc.) Well, some kinda way Jerry brings up how sorry he is for 8 years ago and how I should be his wife (mind you, Jerry now has a wife of a couple of years and like 3 or 4 kids). I will admit that I have asked a couple of questions about what happened then, but I'm not holding any hard feelings or any grudges...i'm just curious to know about the details that I didn't get back then. But, sometimes the conversation with Jerry can get kinda weird. One time I ask if his wife knew that he was communicating with me and he said "yes, she knows how I feel about you..." STOP she knows how you feel about me...shouldn't that read "felt"? and she's okay with it? WOW...
Needless to say, Jerry is well on his way to being taken off the FB friends list altogether and on to the "Not the one" list. To be completely honest, at first I did have one of those "nana-nana-boo-boo" moments where I was like now you see what you missed out on, but now i'm at the "really? you're a 32 year old man who obviously hasn't grown all the way up yet" point. Oh well, I'll update y'all and let you know what my final decision is. I just hope that I'm not blowing it all out of proportion...you know?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Updates
Okay, so maybe I should change this to "(when remembered) I don't make promises that I can't keep" because I sure did forget to do this post on Friday. In my defense, I was at Homecoming from Thursday - Sunday and there was A LOT going on this weekend...I even came back with a cold. But anyway, let's get to these updates (I linked the titles to the post in case you need to refresh your memory...because I sure did! lol)...
THE MAN WITH A THOUSAND QUESTIONS -
After the guy and I went out on the lunch outing, he text and tried to hang out again, but I simply wasn't feeling him in that way. After our conversation at lunch (and my feelings on not wanting to anyone to lead me on) I felt it necessary to let him know that I just wasn't interested in him in that way. I told him that we could be friends, but that was all. He understood. Lesson Learned: It all goes back to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." No one wants someone to string them along, so as scary as it may seem, you have to let people know the truth so that you are not wasting their time or yours.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS -
O-to the freakin-M-G! Let me tell y'all about this ninja here! So this is what I mean about wasting someone's time. So on the date, I had a really good time. The interaction, the conversation, just everything. So the last that I shared was that he asked me out again but I didn't hear from him. Well...a mutual friend decided that this wasn't acceptable so she went and asked him what happened. Weeeeeeell, she called him to ask what the issue was and he was like I wasn't the type of female that he normally dates (cool with me because in my best Jay Z/Beyonce voice "It ain't for everybody"), but then he goes on to express how much he wants her to give him a chance. (Yep..he said that) Now, it wasn't the fact that he wanted to pursue something with my friend, but I was trying to figure out why in the world he asked me out knowing that his fire was burning for someone else. It made no sense to me at all! Well, she explained that her interest in him was limited to just a friendship and that he shouldn't have asked me out (on not one, but 2 dates), if he wasn't really interested. Men.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT -
...absolutely nothing. We've spoken via text and facebook twice since the date night, but that was it. He's been travelling with work, and I've been doing the whole school-work thing, but to be honest I don't think that is it. I think it's more that we are in two different places and that's it.
TOLD YA SO (UPDATE) -
Yes, this ninja felt it necessary to text me Fourth of July weekend at 3 in the dang morning and then called after I didn't respond to the text. He then called later that night and when I started to go off...he hung up the phone. Really? (Yes, really!) Then if that wasn't enough he called and text me in August. That time, I didn't respond to either. I just rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning, I went to Sprint online and found a way to block all communication! THANK GOODNESS! I just don't understand how some people don't get it.
So...yeah. That's what's come of those posts...I don't like to think of them as un-happy endings, but as to be continued's or room for improvement's. We'll see what else life has in store for me...
THE MAN WITH A THOUSAND QUESTIONS -
After the guy and I went out on the lunch outing, he text and tried to hang out again, but I simply wasn't feeling him in that way. After our conversation at lunch (and my feelings on not wanting to anyone to lead me on) I felt it necessary to let him know that I just wasn't interested in him in that way. I told him that we could be friends, but that was all. He understood. Lesson Learned: It all goes back to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." No one wants someone to string them along, so as scary as it may seem, you have to let people know the truth so that you are not wasting their time or yours.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS -
O-to the freakin-M-G! Let me tell y'all about this ninja here! So this is what I mean about wasting someone's time. So on the date, I had a really good time. The interaction, the conversation, just everything. So the last that I shared was that he asked me out again but I didn't hear from him. Well...a mutual friend decided that this wasn't acceptable so she went and asked him what happened. Weeeeeeell, she called him to ask what the issue was and he was like I wasn't the type of female that he normally dates (cool with me because in my best Jay Z/Beyonce voice "It ain't for everybody"), but then he goes on to express how much he wants her to give him a chance. (Yep..he said that) Now, it wasn't the fact that he wanted to pursue something with my friend, but I was trying to figure out why in the world he asked me out knowing that his fire was burning for someone else. It made no sense to me at all! Well, she explained that her interest in him was limited to just a friendship and that he shouldn't have asked me out (on not one, but 2 dates), if he wasn't really interested. Men.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT -
...absolutely nothing. We've spoken via text and facebook twice since the date night, but that was it. He's been travelling with work, and I've been doing the whole school-work thing, but to be honest I don't think that is it. I think it's more that we are in two different places and that's it.
TOLD YA SO (UPDATE) -
Yes, this ninja felt it necessary to text me Fourth of July weekend at 3 in the dang morning and then called after I didn't respond to the text. He then called later that night and when I started to go off...he hung up the phone. Really? (Yes, really!) Then if that wasn't enough he called and text me in August. That time, I didn't respond to either. I just rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning, I went to Sprint online and found a way to block all communication! THANK GOODNESS! I just don't understand how some people don't get it.
So...yeah. That's what's come of those posts...I don't like to think of them as un-happy endings, but as to be continued's or room for improvement's. We'll see what else life has in store for me...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Sharing is Caring
Good Afternoon! I know that I need to catch up on my blogging, but I will have an updates post up on Friday.
If you don't know, I'm in love with all things Essence. Every Wednesday, I make it a point to visit the site to read the "Balancing Act" online article. They have different posts from women sharing about not appreciating their skin color growing up to women sharing about being divorced at a young age. Regardless of the subject, I always get something from the stories that are shared. This Wednesday, the story relates to my last post so I felt like I should share...
Enjoy and remember to keep looking for The Bright Side...
P.S. I PROMISE (and I don't believe in making promises that I can not keep) to have a new post up on Friday...I'm going to update you on a couple of the "prospects."
If you don't know, I'm in love with all things Essence. Every Wednesday, I make it a point to visit the site to read the "Balancing Act" online article. They have different posts from women sharing about not appreciating their skin color growing up to women sharing about being divorced at a young age. Regardless of the subject, I always get something from the stories that are shared. This Wednesday, the story relates to my last post so I felt like I should share...
Enjoy and remember to keep looking for The Bright Side...
P.S. I PROMISE (and I don't believe in making promises that I can not keep) to have a new post up on Friday...I'm going to update you on a couple of the "prospects."
Friday, September 24, 2010
Detours and Roadblocks
So as many of you know (and have read), I've had my share of dating disasters but I haven't let it stop me. Last Saturday night I went to see Tyler Perry's stage play "Madea's Big Happy Family" with my family for my mother's birthday. The play was pretty good but close to the end of the show, Madea started speaking to the audience and she said something that really hit home for me. She said that the path to finding the right mate is like driving from point A to point B. While driving you come across various detours and road blocks but they don't stop you from making it to your final destination. Those detours and road blocks could be considered the dating disasters that you come across on the journey to "The One". When facing these obstacles, you have to keep moving and persevering; you can't let it break your stride because God has the person for you at the end of your journey. If you stop after a couple (or in my case a lot) of bad dates, then you might miss out on the love that you're in search of. I get really anxious at times to know who I'm going to be with or just to have that steady companionship (i.e. when I see EVERYONE around me boo'd up, weddings, holidays, when my friends can't go out because they have plans with their "significant others", etc.), but I (my friends) have to keep reminding myself that I'm probably not really ready for it yet. It's funny because a friend of mine and I were talking about why the guys that we think are so perfect for us never work out. [Personally, I think I jinx myself because every time I mention something about meeting a new guy or I bring him around my friends, it ends in less than a week (hmm...maybe I should stop talking about it...yea right! Like that's gonna happen. lol)]. But she said that she calls it the "Thank You Jesus" moments, because it always seems like when you see them later on in life you're just thankful that you dodged that bullet. lol At that time, you didn't realize that there was a higher power working on your behalf, but it's like they say "If I knew then what I know now..."
But, let's enjoy the time with ourselves, our friends, and our families and keep your mind and your heart open. And remember to always look to The Bright Side!
But, let's enjoy the time with ourselves, our friends, and our families and keep your mind and your heart open. And remember to always look to The Bright Side!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Stuck
Good Morning! It's Friday and I get to go see Mr. Tyler Perry's play tomorrow and I'm TOO EXCITED! My apologies for not posting an update sooner but y'all, between trying to get a good price (and interest rate) for a new car and grad school...I'm beat and my mind is almost jelly! But anywho...let's get to this update!
So my last post was about my neighbor that I was crushing on...yea....that didn't go so well. Last Friday night I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday dinner but I really didn't feel like going anywhere. After going back & forth with the idea in my head (and with my brother & my LP), I decided to see if the neighbor wanted to hang out. The conversation went like this...
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
CN: Can you believe I'm getting ready to go on a date? Wish me luck!
(Err...yes he actually said that)
Me: Fun Times!
So...needless to say that I was a little disappointed because who wants to hear from someone that their interested in that they're going on a date...with someone other than you? Uhh...not me! But now I know where we stand so there's no question about that anymore. Oh well...I guess another one bites the dust!
Bright Side: I used that as motivation to get up and get out! After I received that message, I got up and went to dinner and then out with my friends (and had a FABULOUS time). He text me on Tuesday to see how I was doing and (in my mind) I switched him over from the "interest" category to the "we cool" category and I was able to converse with him like one of the homies.
So my last post was about my neighbor that I was crushing on...yea....that didn't go so well. Last Friday night I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday dinner but I really didn't feel like going anywhere. After going back & forth with the idea in my head (and with my brother & my LP), I decided to see if the neighbor wanted to hang out. The conversation went like this...
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
CN: Can you believe I'm getting ready to go on a date? Wish me luck!
(Err...yes he actually said that)
Me: Fun Times!
So...needless to say that I was a little disappointed because who wants to hear from someone that their interested in that they're going on a date...with someone other than you? Uhh...not me! But now I know where we stand so there's no question about that anymore. Oh well...I guess another one bites the dust!
Bright Side: I used that as motivation to get up and get out! After I received that message, I got up and went to dinner and then out with my friends (and had a FABULOUS time). He text me on Tuesday to see how I was doing and (in my mind) I switched him over from the "interest" category to the "we cool" category and I was able to converse with him like one of the homies.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Crushing: The Neighbor
Happy Friday (and Labor Day weekend)! You don't know how much I've been waiting on this break!
If you've been reading my posts for a while, then you know that I've mentioned my neighbor who I thought was really, really cute then I changed my mind and was like ehh...he's ok. Well! I don't know what happened but a couple of weeks ago I saw him in the hallway and I thought that I should introduce myself. Maybe a week after that I ended up sitting in his kitchen talking and we had a really good conversation. I found out that we went to the same college (but he's 36 so he was there about 10 years before I even thought about that school), he has a 5 year old son, his occupation, his education, the basics and a little more. The next night he sends me a text and asks me to come help him install a new toilet seat cover. Now I was thinking "Umm...that's random, even for me" but I enjoyed the conversation the night before so I went. It was a little awkward at first because who asks someone to help them install a new toilet seat cover...like, how is this a 2 person job? lol but I just stood back and enjoyed the view (Y'all...he has really, really nice arms). In the end, the toilet seat wasn't even long enough so I went back home. The next night, he had the bright idea to play UNO. I proceeded to whoop him both at his apt and in mine...of course, he wants a rematch. After spending time talking and interacting with him, I have developed a crush on my neighbor. I think the feeling is mutual but I don't know. The first couple of weeks after we started hanging out, he text me everyday for almost 2 weeks straight. Now, me being the anaytical thinker that I am...I noticed that the texts came at different times of day with just random "How are you?" messages. Now with all of this communication and interaction, he has yet to ask me out. So I'm a little confused as to what's really going on?
Last weekend he told me that he was going out of town and he sent out a mass text message about an event that was going on Downtown and he included that a line that said "this would be a good date night if you're looking to pur a smile on someone's face..." I responded with a LOL at that line and we got into a conversation about women asking men out. His view is that women don't ask because we're scared of rejection and that you'll never know unless you ask. My view is that a man should show his interest by asking the woman out and once his interest is established, then the possibilities would be endless. Now we've chit-chatted off & on since then but it hasn't been anything like our previous interaction so I'm a little confused on his position (level of interest) so I asked my fav blogger & my brother their opinion. My brother seems to think that he is interested and my fav feels that I've been put in the "friend zone"...again. That is NOT where I'm trying to be! She agreed that I don't need to ask him out but that a 37 year old man with a child knows what he wants. She also told me that to move out of "the zone" I could hang in there, ask him out, or move around... So that's where I am now...trying to figure out what I want to do without making myself look "thirsty." (My lease is not up till next year so I wouldn't want to turn my pleasant hallway experience into an awkward one...I'm no good at awkward)
Your thoughts and opinions?
Bright Side: Since he lives in the gym, he gave me a workout/meal plan to follow...so he's been checking up on me with that. I told him to throw away my Blue Bell Cookies & Cream ice cream so that I wouldn't be tempted. He also still wants a rematch at Uno so if nothing else comes of it, I'll still have reasons to get a peek at his arms. Lol I know...I'm horrible!
If you've been reading my posts for a while, then you know that I've mentioned my neighbor who I thought was really, really cute then I changed my mind and was like ehh...he's ok. Well! I don't know what happened but a couple of weeks ago I saw him in the hallway and I thought that I should introduce myself. Maybe a week after that I ended up sitting in his kitchen talking and we had a really good conversation. I found out that we went to the same college (but he's 36 so he was there about 10 years before I even thought about that school), he has a 5 year old son, his occupation, his education, the basics and a little more. The next night he sends me a text and asks me to come help him install a new toilet seat cover. Now I was thinking "Umm...that's random, even for me" but I enjoyed the conversation the night before so I went. It was a little awkward at first because who asks someone to help them install a new toilet seat cover...like, how is this a 2 person job? lol but I just stood back and enjoyed the view (Y'all...he has really, really nice arms). In the end, the toilet seat wasn't even long enough so I went back home. The next night, he had the bright idea to play UNO. I proceeded to whoop him both at his apt and in mine...of course, he wants a rematch. After spending time talking and interacting with him, I have developed a crush on my neighbor. I think the feeling is mutual but I don't know. The first couple of weeks after we started hanging out, he text me everyday for almost 2 weeks straight. Now, me being the anaytical thinker that I am...I noticed that the texts came at different times of day with just random "How are you?" messages. Now with all of this communication and interaction, he has yet to ask me out. So I'm a little confused as to what's really going on?
Last weekend he told me that he was going out of town and he sent out a mass text message about an event that was going on Downtown and he included that a line that said "this would be a good date night if you're looking to pur a smile on someone's face..." I responded with a LOL at that line and we got into a conversation about women asking men out. His view is that women don't ask because we're scared of rejection and that you'll never know unless you ask. My view is that a man should show his interest by asking the woman out and once his interest is established, then the possibilities would be endless. Now we've chit-chatted off & on since then but it hasn't been anything like our previous interaction so I'm a little confused on his position (level of interest) so I asked my fav blogger & my brother their opinion. My brother seems to think that he is interested and my fav feels that I've been put in the "friend zone"...again. That is NOT where I'm trying to be! She agreed that I don't need to ask him out but that a 37 year old man with a child knows what he wants. She also told me that to move out of "the zone" I could hang in there, ask him out, or move around... So that's where I am now...trying to figure out what I want to do without making myself look "thirsty." (My lease is not up till next year so I wouldn't want to turn my pleasant hallway experience into an awkward one...I'm no good at awkward)
Your thoughts and opinions?
Bright Side: Since he lives in the gym, he gave me a workout/meal plan to follow...so he's been checking up on me with that. I told him to throw away my Blue Bell Cookies & Cream ice cream so that I wouldn't be tempted. He also still wants a rematch at Uno so if nothing else comes of it, I'll still have reasons to get a peek at his arms. Lol I know...I'm horrible!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Faded Pictures...
"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."
~ Len Santos
I've been very tempted to relapse. Remember the subject of my "Before I Self-Destruct" post? I don't even know how long it's been since he and I have talked. I mean...I sent a text when his grandfather passed and he sent me a text on my birthday, but that's been all of the communication. Even though I know that the overall relationship wasn't healthy for me, I am really starting to miss the (true) friendship part. There have been a lot of things that have happened between then & now that normally he would have been the first person I contacted (i.e. my blog, starting graduate school, Corinne Bailey Rae concert, etc.) but now I contact my other friends. And although my friends are very supportive and encouraging, I miss being able to text him and getting a response immediately. Regardless of what time of the day it was, if it was something completely random or if it was something that was really, really important to me. I don't know what exactly it is that's going on with me but I'm starting to feel torn. I can be honest enough with myself (and with you) to say that I'm not ready to handle a friendship with him, one where I can forget about the things from the past and move forward with a healthy friendship, but I really wish that I could because I want my friend back. But, I have a gut feeling that things will fall back into the same cycle as last time and I'll end up right where I was when I wrote my first post. I can't and won't do that to myself (again).
I'm hoping that this is all normal and that as more time passes, so will my thoughts and memories of our friendship, because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take...
Bright Side: I haven't sent a text, called, facebook'd, emailed, im'd him or anything...I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings and praying on it...i'm sure this is just a moment that will eventually pass.
~ Len Santos
I've been very tempted to relapse. Remember the subject of my "Before I Self-Destruct" post? I don't even know how long it's been since he and I have talked. I mean...I sent a text when his grandfather passed and he sent me a text on my birthday, but that's been all of the communication. Even though I know that the overall relationship wasn't healthy for me, I am really starting to miss the (true) friendship part. There have been a lot of things that have happened between then & now that normally he would have been the first person I contacted (i.e. my blog, starting graduate school, Corinne Bailey Rae concert, etc.) but now I contact my other friends. And although my friends are very supportive and encouraging, I miss being able to text him and getting a response immediately. Regardless of what time of the day it was, if it was something completely random or if it was something that was really, really important to me. I don't know what exactly it is that's going on with me but I'm starting to feel torn. I can be honest enough with myself (and with you) to say that I'm not ready to handle a friendship with him, one where I can forget about the things from the past and move forward with a healthy friendship, but I really wish that I could because I want my friend back. But, I have a gut feeling that things will fall back into the same cycle as last time and I'll end up right where I was when I wrote my first post. I can't and won't do that to myself (again).
I'm hoping that this is all normal and that as more time passes, so will my thoughts and memories of our friendship, because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take...
Bright Side: I haven't sent a text, called, facebook'd, emailed, im'd him or anything...I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings and praying on it...i'm sure this is just a moment that will eventually pass.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Let's See What You Do With It...
I am a person who believes in celebrating my birthday day ALL MONTH LONG! I mean, why not? Everyone has not been blessed to see the years that I have, so I want everyone to know how much I appreciate God allowing me to see another year. This year, a friend decided to start Part I of her birthday out & about. I hadn't been out in a while, so I decided to accept her invitation and go out to start off my birthday too. We go out and I'm having a wonderful time then the unusual happens. I feel a tap on my shoulder and a guy is like "Excuse Me...?" And so it starts...
I sized him up in my head: About 6'2-6'3, nice smile, handsome face, and he didn't grab my arm and ask me "Shawty what yo name is?" The odds are already in his favor. We had a brief conversation and we exchanged numbers. By the end of the night, he sent me a text stating that it was good to meet me and to have a safe night. We talked on Sunday and I immediately added intelligent and driven to his list of qualities. I also learned that he had just moved here from the West Coast. Now, since I have turned over a new leaf, I decided to just take it one day at a time. I invited him to my birthday dinner that Thurdsay, but I didn't put too much thought into it and he actually showed up. Now, for someone who is very analytical, I had to literally force myself to stop questioning what things meant because earlier he sent me a message saying that he was running behind at work, but he was still trying to make it. And around 8:30 that night, he showed up. That put a huge plus on his report card, but I still had to remind myself that it is still early in the game. We talked a little more that night and he wished me a happy early birthday after I left to celebrate with some friends. We talked again the next day while he was on his way to out of town. Then, I invited him by for some birthday cake when he got back. He came by, ate cake, we watched a movie, went to the pool, then he went home so I could get ready to go out with the J Squad for birthday outing #5. For me, even thought it was still early, I felt that we were moving on the right track...until I started thinking.
I thought about it and it seemed like the only real time that we hung out (event though it was just twice) was because I initiated it. So during our conversation on the way to meet my friends, I mentioned it and he agreed. I told him that the ball was in his court and he assured me that he could handle it...so I replied that I guess we'll see what you do with it. Well you should be happy to know that aside from the invitation that he accepted to go with me to this game night that some of my line sisters hosted, I have stuck to my word. Although we did have a good time at the game night and he passed my line sister's test (she REALLY got into him good) I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket. We'll see what he does...
Bright Side: With this new approach, I realized that I always say that I want the male to show his interest but I never really gave them the opportunity to do so. This post from one of my fav bloggers, "RWNTD*: Who's the rabbit?", really put me in the right state of mind to just fall back and if he's really interested, then he'll come to me. If not, my world will continue to go on.
I sized him up in my head: About 6'2-6'3, nice smile, handsome face, and he didn't grab my arm and ask me "Shawty what yo name is?" The odds are already in his favor. We had a brief conversation and we exchanged numbers. By the end of the night, he sent me a text stating that it was good to meet me and to have a safe night. We talked on Sunday and I immediately added intelligent and driven to his list of qualities. I also learned that he had just moved here from the West Coast. Now, since I have turned over a new leaf, I decided to just take it one day at a time. I invited him to my birthday dinner that Thurdsay, but I didn't put too much thought into it and he actually showed up. Now, for someone who is very analytical, I had to literally force myself to stop questioning what things meant because earlier he sent me a message saying that he was running behind at work, but he was still trying to make it. And around 8:30 that night, he showed up. That put a huge plus on his report card, but I still had to remind myself that it is still early in the game. We talked a little more that night and he wished me a happy early birthday after I left to celebrate with some friends. We talked again the next day while he was on his way to out of town. Then, I invited him by for some birthday cake when he got back. He came by, ate cake, we watched a movie, went to the pool, then he went home so I could get ready to go out with the J Squad for birthday outing #5. For me, even thought it was still early, I felt that we were moving on the right track...until I started thinking.
I thought about it and it seemed like the only real time that we hung out (event though it was just twice) was because I initiated it. So during our conversation on the way to meet my friends, I mentioned it and he agreed. I told him that the ball was in his court and he assured me that he could handle it...so I replied that I guess we'll see what you do with it. Well you should be happy to know that aside from the invitation that he accepted to go with me to this game night that some of my line sisters hosted, I have stuck to my word. Although we did have a good time at the game night and he passed my line sister's test (she REALLY got into him good) I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket. We'll see what he does...
Bright Side: With this new approach, I realized that I always say that I want the male to show his interest but I never really gave them the opportunity to do so. This post from one of my fav bloggers, "RWNTD*: Who's the rabbit?", really put me in the right state of mind to just fall back and if he's really interested, then he'll come to me. If not, my world will continue to go on.
Sometimes you gotta let go...
Greetings! I know it's been a while since I've posted but I just didn't know what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it. I want to make sure that if I post something, it's because I really felt the need to share and not because I just wanted to have a post for that week. So #withthatbeingsaid I feel the need to share...
I have two friends and I somehow always get caught in the middle of their quarrels. As soon as one does something to the other, I get a notification. Now, I have a special relationship with both, but they are a lot closer. Now I know, from experience, that everyone's friendship is not the same. But, I also feel that you and your close friends should not question your friendship every month or every other month. It can get to be exhausting.
Everytime they come to me, seperately, I have to explain that part of being in a friendship/relationship is that you have to understand AND accept the other's faults/weaknesses. "You gotta take the good and the bad, the happy with the sad..." If you aren't willing to do that, then your friendship is destined for disaster. I also have to explain that no friendship will withstand the tests of time if you don't have a good foundation. You have to be able to communicate with that person AND be able to trust them with your thoughts, feelings, hurt, pain, etc. And that's their issue...one doesn't trust the other and the other doesn't know how to effectively communicate and she doesn't trust her. Another issue, is that one bases her interaction with the other on relationships that others have with their close friends. I tried to explain that the dynamics in everyone's friendships are not the same. For example, I don't tell my close friends everything because sometimes, with everything that's going on in my life, I just don't remember or I might not feel that it's important enough to interrupt their day. That doesn't mean that our friendship should be questioned, it just means that I might need to invest in some Gingko Biloba. I also have told both that sometimes if the bad times outweigh the good, you have to fall back and just love them from a distance and in a different way.
Bright Side: I don't know what else to say so now I just make sure that I'm just a listening ear and hope that in time, things will work out for the better.
I have two friends and I somehow always get caught in the middle of their quarrels. As soon as one does something to the other, I get a notification. Now, I have a special relationship with both, but they are a lot closer. Now I know, from experience, that everyone's friendship is not the same. But, I also feel that you and your close friends should not question your friendship every month or every other month. It can get to be exhausting.
Everytime they come to me, seperately, I have to explain that part of being in a friendship/relationship is that you have to understand AND accept the other's faults/weaknesses. "You gotta take the good and the bad, the happy with the sad..." If you aren't willing to do that, then your friendship is destined for disaster. I also have to explain that no friendship will withstand the tests of time if you don't have a good foundation. You have to be able to communicate with that person AND be able to trust them with your thoughts, feelings, hurt, pain, etc. And that's their issue...one doesn't trust the other and the other doesn't know how to effectively communicate and she doesn't trust her. Another issue, is that one bases her interaction with the other on relationships that others have with their close friends. I tried to explain that the dynamics in everyone's friendships are not the same. For example, I don't tell my close friends everything because sometimes, with everything that's going on in my life, I just don't remember or I might not feel that it's important enough to interrupt their day. That doesn't mean that our friendship should be questioned, it just means that I might need to invest in some Gingko Biloba. I also have told both that sometimes if the bad times outweigh the good, you have to fall back and just love them from a distance and in a different way.
Bright Side: I don't know what else to say so now I just make sure that I'm just a listening ear and hope that in time, things will work out for the better.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thanks!
Greetings! Today is my 27th birthday and I have been having a WONDERFUL time celebrating! I had an excellent massage, lunch with my family, and dinner with my friends. I just wanted to stop by today to share a piece of my special day with my blog readers because a part of the reason that I'm having such a wonderful birthday is because of you. You have allowed me an outlet to share my thoughts and feeling so that I don't have to hold it all inside. So on this day, I would like to say thanks for your support, your comments, and just for stopping by to read my random ramblings. 26 was a good year, but I'm sure that 27 will be even better and I look forward to sharing more of my life (good times & bad) with you!
Now I need to start packing for my road trip! Have a great day!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Great Expectations
Good rainy afternoon! I have to start off by saying that I did not want to write this post...at all! Not because I don't enjoy blogging but because I didn't handle something the way that I was supposed to and by putting it on (virtual) paper it makes me a little (a lot) more accountable for my thoughts & actions. I saw a small window of opportunity and I let my imagination and expectations run with it and the end result was no bueno. This is what happened...
Remember the speed dating event that I went to last week? Well my first round draft pick (tall, nice arms, older but not my mother's age, articulate, intelligent, attractive, doing something with his life, nice, opened doors, the list goes on...) was interested in me too so after we cleared up a little name confusion, we spoke and he asked me out that upcoming Saturday. The tricky part was that I didn't know what we were going to do. I'm a planner (seriously...I live by my Blackberry calendar) so naturally I want to know time, activity, etc. So when I ask him the details he just responded "I live life one day at a time but I promise we'll have fun" Nice answer but that doesn't help me out at all! How will I know how to dress or what time to be ready? Well I do something completely out of character for me and just let it go... Eventually, I ask about a time frame (because I'm not going to clear my entire day's calendar for a man that I don't know if I'm really going to like after a hour) and I get breakfast & we would go from there. Cool! No specifics but I can work with that. So I get the RD & the therapist (not a real therapist, but my friend who I call the therapist) in on it and we start putting together "my look" for the breakfast that Friday night. Funny thing is that I haven't been this nervous for a first date in a long time. I go out but I usually already know that there won't be a future with the guy...they are ususally just practice dates or potential friends.
The guy (let's call him Speedy) calls around 10 am to ask if we're still going out, directions to my place, etc. When Speedy arrives I invite him in and we sit on the couch and talk for about 30-45 mins. To me, that's a good sign! We leave to go get breakfast and we have a good, playful conversation on the way there, at breakfast, and on the way to stop #2. We get to stop #2 and we have a good time there too. He's touchy-feely enough without overdoing it, he's competitive without being annoying, he makes me feel comfortable... Well we leave stop #2 and he's taking me back home and we start talking about scones. He's never had them before (which should be a sin...the cinnamon scones at Au Bon Pain are SOOO good!!!) so I offer to let him taste them one day. He asks when and I reply I guess the next time I see you, he follows up with when will that be and I respond when would you like it to be. He says that he has to go into work for a little bit on Monday but since I'm off, he's like Monday. For me, that's another good sign that he's already thinking about a second date before the first is over (any other time I would be thinking about the best way to say no without hurting anyone's feelings) We get back to my apartment and I take him to the pool area and we sit there and talk for another 30-45 minutes. Light talk but being around him feel so comfortable like I've known him for longer. When he leaves, he's like I'll put forth the effort and call you (because he mentioned that he doesn't really do that) and I'm like cool...another good sign until...
I sent a text that night because I forgot what his last name was and I asked for it because we were talking about adding each other on FB (Facebook). (I was told later that I shouldn't have done that because that is information that I could have asked after he contacted me...my bad, I was being impatient.) Monday comes and I get up that morning to go get scones...I figure that I might as well get it out of the way now (me planning ahead) so I don't have to worry about it when he calls. Yea...the thing about that is that he didn't call. I sent a text asking about work and he said that it's been a pretty bad day and that nothing was going according to plan and then I ask if he was still planning to come by and he said that he was going to hit me up when he left, but guess what? Yep...he didn't. It's now Thursday and I still haven't talked to or heard from him since my text on Monday. So of course I start to get a little (a lot) disappointed because I expected him to call...from the interaction I thought that he was feeling me the way that I was feeling him but I guess not. I mean...why wouldn't he call/text/send a smoke signal if he liked me? I again put my expectations on someone else. I reverted back to my old ways of expecting someone else to think, do, react, handle things the way that I wanted them to. I know that it's only been a few days and anything can happen but yesterday was really bad for me. Not because of this event but because I took this one event and lumped it with past events and it just wasn't a good night. It was brought to my attention (again) that I need to let everything go and just live. I'm missing out on a lot of other positive things that are going on in my life because I stopped to put so much (unnecessary) attention on this one bad event and it's only been a few days! He might call and he might not, but my happiness should not ride on one man that I went out with one time just because he matched a lot of the requirements that I have set (even though it's been a while since someone has come close). In the words of the therapist "It might be God stepping in because he might end up being a serial killer!" Lol That's a little extreme but still true. I really need to work on being more patient with people and work on increasing my faith in God that he will work it out in whatever way that he sees fit.
Bright Side: I have again made the decision to put more effort into the good things that are happening for me like getting my official acceptance letter into graduate school today...Yaaay! (I was so impatient that I just called the Department and asked if I had been accepted), my birthday that's coming up next week, and the family & great friends that I've been blessed to celebrate it with!!! 7 MORE DAYS!!!!
Remember the speed dating event that I went to last week? Well my first round draft pick (tall, nice arms, older but not my mother's age, articulate, intelligent, attractive, doing something with his life, nice, opened doors, the list goes on...) was interested in me too so after we cleared up a little name confusion, we spoke and he asked me out that upcoming Saturday. The tricky part was that I didn't know what we were going to do. I'm a planner (seriously...I live by my Blackberry calendar) so naturally I want to know time, activity, etc. So when I ask him the details he just responded "I live life one day at a time but I promise we'll have fun" Nice answer but that doesn't help me out at all! How will I know how to dress or what time to be ready? Well I do something completely out of character for me and just let it go... Eventually, I ask about a time frame (because I'm not going to clear my entire day's calendar for a man that I don't know if I'm really going to like after a hour) and I get breakfast & we would go from there. Cool! No specifics but I can work with that. So I get the RD & the therapist (not a real therapist, but my friend who I call the therapist) in on it and we start putting together "my look" for the breakfast that Friday night. Funny thing is that I haven't been this nervous for a first date in a long time. I go out but I usually already know that there won't be a future with the guy...they are ususally just practice dates or potential friends.
The guy (let's call him Speedy) calls around 10 am to ask if we're still going out, directions to my place, etc. When Speedy arrives I invite him in and we sit on the couch and talk for about 30-45 mins. To me, that's a good sign! We leave to go get breakfast and we have a good, playful conversation on the way there, at breakfast, and on the way to stop #2. We get to stop #2 and we have a good time there too. He's touchy-feely enough without overdoing it, he's competitive without being annoying, he makes me feel comfortable... Well we leave stop #2 and he's taking me back home and we start talking about scones. He's never had them before (which should be a sin...the cinnamon scones at Au Bon Pain are SOOO good!!!) so I offer to let him taste them one day. He asks when and I reply I guess the next time I see you, he follows up with when will that be and I respond when would you like it to be. He says that he has to go into work for a little bit on Monday but since I'm off, he's like Monday. For me, that's another good sign that he's already thinking about a second date before the first is over (any other time I would be thinking about the best way to say no without hurting anyone's feelings) We get back to my apartment and I take him to the pool area and we sit there and talk for another 30-45 minutes. Light talk but being around him feel so comfortable like I've known him for longer. When he leaves, he's like I'll put forth the effort and call you (because he mentioned that he doesn't really do that) and I'm like cool...another good sign until...
I sent a text that night because I forgot what his last name was and I asked for it because we were talking about adding each other on FB (Facebook). (I was told later that I shouldn't have done that because that is information that I could have asked after he contacted me...my bad, I was being impatient.) Monday comes and I get up that morning to go get scones...I figure that I might as well get it out of the way now (me planning ahead) so I don't have to worry about it when he calls. Yea...the thing about that is that he didn't call. I sent a text asking about work and he said that it's been a pretty bad day and that nothing was going according to plan and then I ask if he was still planning to come by and he said that he was going to hit me up when he left, but guess what? Yep...he didn't. It's now Thursday and I still haven't talked to or heard from him since my text on Monday. So of course I start to get a little (a lot) disappointed because I expected him to call...from the interaction I thought that he was feeling me the way that I was feeling him but I guess not. I mean...why wouldn't he call/text/send a smoke signal if he liked me? I again put my expectations on someone else. I reverted back to my old ways of expecting someone else to think, do, react, handle things the way that I wanted them to. I know that it's only been a few days and anything can happen but yesterday was really bad for me. Not because of this event but because I took this one event and lumped it with past events and it just wasn't a good night. It was brought to my attention (again) that I need to let everything go and just live. I'm missing out on a lot of other positive things that are going on in my life because I stopped to put so much (unnecessary) attention on this one bad event and it's only been a few days! He might call and he might not, but my happiness should not ride on one man that I went out with one time just because he matched a lot of the requirements that I have set (even though it's been a while since someone has come close). In the words of the therapist "It might be God stepping in because he might end up being a serial killer!" Lol That's a little extreme but still true. I really need to work on being more patient with people and work on increasing my faith in God that he will work it out in whatever way that he sees fit.
Bright Side: I have again made the decision to put more effort into the good things that are happening for me like getting my official acceptance letter into graduate school today...Yaaay! (I was so impatient that I just called the Department and asked if I had been accepted), my birthday that's coming up next week, and the family & great friends that I've been blessed to celebrate it with!!! 7 MORE DAYS!!!!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Just a little goes a long way...
Hope:
–noun
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
–verb (used with object)
to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
–verb (used without object)
to feel that something desired may happen
So if you're single (and want to be in a relationship), [I believe] hope is one of the most important things that you can have. Actually...if you've ever wanted anything at any point in time, hope & faith go hand in hand. You have to have faith that whatever you ask for or whatever you are hoping for, you will receive in due time.
A really good friend & I were talking one day and she expressed that she has been in a dating slump. She admitted that she doesn't really get out at all because of work and her new exercise regimen, and that the dates that she goes on are double dates...with her couch & her tv. I kept telling her that the only way to meet people is to get out of the house. The only person that she was going to meet staying at home was the delivery takeout person! Well, when my cousin told me about an event that she was hosting, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to invite "Chelsea" out. We went to a speed dating event that my cousin, Orissa Bey of Possibilities Unlimited, was hosting. Now, we went to her first speed dating event a couple of years ago but Chelsea just sat back and watched. [The only thing that happened for me was that a guy who I'd talked to before was trying to reconnect WHILE his current girlfriend was getting a drink at the bar.] Anyway, Chelsea agreed to meet me there and actually participate this time.
For me, I took the advice of my cousin [and Beyonce] and put my "Freak 'em" dress on for the night. I was glad that I did because when I got to the venue, my eyes immediately lit up because there were about 15 guys placed at tables around the room (last time there were like 5) and most were handsome. I get into the rotation, because Chelsea hadn't made it yet, and most of the conversations left me wanting to know more about the guy. 5 minutes started to feel like 2 seconds, and that's pretty rare. After I have my "date" with the 6th guy, Chelsea walks in. Every now and again I'll look up and see Chelsea talking to a guy and she actually looks like she's having a good time. At the end of the last round, Chelsea and I meet up and she's SUPER excited. She's so happy that she came. In fact, she was SO pumped that she wanted to give her number to every guy that she talked to. (After the ladies went on a "date" with the guy, we had to write their number on the back of a slip of paper with our name & phone number and/or email address and they would get it in their bag at the end of the night)
On Saturday, Chelsea BBM'd me to let me know that 2 of the guys had already contacted her. She was really excited about the experience until they started to work her nerves a couple of days later with little things that they did. We had a conversation today about the whole situation and for me it put it all into perspective. She felt like she was on a super high from the experience that has started to wear off and one of the men that she met isn't really what she wants. I tried to explain to her that it's okay to feel that way. There is never a 100% (or even 75%) chance that you will find your mate at these events. When I go to any event, I never know who I'll meet. Sometimes it gets to be really discouraging when you meet or go out with different guys and they continue to not be a good match for you. For me, what the Cupids Cousin and Possibilities Unlimited events do is give me opportunity and hope. They give me the opportunity to meet someone that I normally wouldn't have the opportunity to meet and the hope that there is someone out there who is the ying to my yang, the end all be all, my last first kiss, etc. He might be there [at that event] or he might not be...regardless, it's a new experience and a great opportunity to get out there and meet new people. When you go into these events with that mindset, you don't leave with any crushed expectations or disappointments...but you should leave with a little more hope. Hope that the next time might be THAT time or hope that there are some good guys out there and yours is still out there looking for you.
_________________________________________________________________
**As for me, I cast my net pretty wide and picked about 7 guys that I was interested in getting to knowing a little more about (even one who came late and I didn't get the opportunity to talk to but was very handsome lol). I saw my top pick later that night at my RD's birthday party and he seemed to be pretty interested in me as well. We'll see if he becomes blog-worthy later on...but no expectations other than to get to know the guys that contact me and see what happens next... (See y'all...I'm growing!) I left the event with such a positive energy high that I took with me into the birthday party. I had much more of a good time and I was even approached a lot more! It's amazing how people are drawn to a positive aura...but I'm sure the dress didn't hurt ;)
–noun
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
–verb (used with object)
to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
–verb (used without object)
to feel that something desired may happen
So if you're single (and want to be in a relationship), [I believe] hope is one of the most important things that you can have. Actually...if you've ever wanted anything at any point in time, hope & faith go hand in hand. You have to have faith that whatever you ask for or whatever you are hoping for, you will receive in due time.
A really good friend & I were talking one day and she expressed that she has been in a dating slump. She admitted that she doesn't really get out at all because of work and her new exercise regimen, and that the dates that she goes on are double dates...with her couch & her tv. I kept telling her that the only way to meet people is to get out of the house. The only person that she was going to meet staying at home was the delivery takeout person! Well, when my cousin told me about an event that she was hosting, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to invite "Chelsea" out. We went to a speed dating event that my cousin, Orissa Bey of Possibilities Unlimited, was hosting. Now, we went to her first speed dating event a couple of years ago but Chelsea just sat back and watched. [The only thing that happened for me was that a guy who I'd talked to before was trying to reconnect WHILE his current girlfriend was getting a drink at the bar.] Anyway, Chelsea agreed to meet me there and actually participate this time.
For me, I took the advice of my cousin [and Beyonce] and put my "Freak 'em" dress on for the night. I was glad that I did because when I got to the venue, my eyes immediately lit up because there were about 15 guys placed at tables around the room (last time there were like 5) and most were handsome. I get into the rotation, because Chelsea hadn't made it yet, and most of the conversations left me wanting to know more about the guy. 5 minutes started to feel like 2 seconds, and that's pretty rare. After I have my "date" with the 6th guy, Chelsea walks in. Every now and again I'll look up and see Chelsea talking to a guy and she actually looks like she's having a good time. At the end of the last round, Chelsea and I meet up and she's SUPER excited. She's so happy that she came. In fact, she was SO pumped that she wanted to give her number to every guy that she talked to. (After the ladies went on a "date" with the guy, we had to write their number on the back of a slip of paper with our name & phone number and/or email address and they would get it in their bag at the end of the night)
On Saturday, Chelsea BBM'd me to let me know that 2 of the guys had already contacted her. She was really excited about the experience until they started to work her nerves a couple of days later with little things that they did. We had a conversation today about the whole situation and for me it put it all into perspective. She felt like she was on a super high from the experience that has started to wear off and one of the men that she met isn't really what she wants. I tried to explain to her that it's okay to feel that way. There is never a 100% (or even 75%) chance that you will find your mate at these events. When I go to any event, I never know who I'll meet. Sometimes it gets to be really discouraging when you meet or go out with different guys and they continue to not be a good match for you. For me, what the Cupids Cousin and Possibilities Unlimited events do is give me opportunity and hope. They give me the opportunity to meet someone that I normally wouldn't have the opportunity to meet and the hope that there is someone out there who is the ying to my yang, the end all be all, my last first kiss, etc. He might be there [at that event] or he might not be...regardless, it's a new experience and a great opportunity to get out there and meet new people. When you go into these events with that mindset, you don't leave with any crushed expectations or disappointments...but you should leave with a little more hope. Hope that the next time might be THAT time or hope that there are some good guys out there and yours is still out there looking for you.
_________________________________________________________________
**As for me, I cast my net pretty wide and picked about 7 guys that I was interested in getting to knowing a little more about (even one who came late and I didn't get the opportunity to talk to but was very handsome lol). I saw my top pick later that night at my RD's birthday party and he seemed to be pretty interested in me as well. We'll see if he becomes blog-worthy later on...but no expectations other than to get to know the guys that contact me and see what happens next... (See y'all...I'm growing!) I left the event with such a positive energy high that I took with me into the birthday party. I had much more of a good time and I was even approached a lot more! It's amazing how people are drawn to a positive aura...but I'm sure the dress didn't hurt ;)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Told Ya So! (Update)
Y'all Miss Cleo ain't got nuttin' on me!!! Remember the guy from "The Double Stuff"? You know, the one who decided that "he wasn't trying to hear" me tell him that I didn't want to communicate with him anymore. Well, today he decides to send me a text message and the converstation goes like this:
Wally: Hey babe how are you?
Me: **no answer**
W: ??????
M: I'm good
W: Wow you gonna be short with me? I'm coming to Houston tomorrow. Can I come see you?
M: I have plans
W: Like always!! So can I see you?
M: No
W: Good
M: You do know that when I sent that other text, I'm done and prefer to cease communication, right?
W: I got you. I'll delete your number. Nice meeting you
M: Nice meeting you too! You take care...
W: You must have found you someone huh?
M: I hope you find what you're looking for and have a good day.
W: Did you find a man is what I'm asking?
M: Nope, I'm just not that into you and I don't want to waste anymore of my time or yours. Have a great day! (I know that was a little harsh but I don't know how many other ways to politely say that we've come to the end of this road)
My question is how did he not get that from my last text message (LAST WEEK) that I was done? I thought that I was pretty direct. And why is it that I don't want to talk to him because I have a man? Why can't it be that I'm just not that into him?
Wally: Hey babe how are you?
Me: **no answer**
W: ??????
M: I'm good
W: Wow you gonna be short with me? I'm coming to Houston tomorrow. Can I come see you?
M: I have plans
W: Like always!! So can I see you?
M: No
W: Good
M: You do know that when I sent that other text, I'm done and prefer to cease communication, right?
W: I got you. I'll delete your number. Nice meeting you
M: Nice meeting you too! You take care...
W: You must have found you someone huh?
M: I hope you find what you're looking for and have a good day.
W: Did you find a man is what I'm asking?
M: Nope, I'm just not that into you and I don't want to waste anymore of my time or yours. Have a great day! (I know that was a little harsh but I don't know how many other ways to politely say that we've come to the end of this road)
My question is how did he not get that from my last text message (LAST WEEK) that I was done? I thought that I was pretty direct. And why is it that I don't want to talk to him because I have a man? Why can't it be that I'm just not that into him?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
A State of Confusion (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)
Greetings! Today has been a really good day so far...Whataburger was giving out free breakfast sandwiches, my boss has been out all afternoon, and suprisingly I had a pretty good lunch date. Yep...I said it correctly, I actually enjoyed myself on my lunch date (that I didn't go on with myself lol). I, in fact, went to lunch with a guy that my friend/line sister ambushed introduced me to at a friend's wedding on Memorial Day. He's her husband's coworker.
This is how the (short) story goes, I was at the table talking to some college friends when she walks (sprints) up to me and whispers in my ear "Here comes [my husband]'s coworker please don't be mad at me but I thought you would hit it off." They do brief introductions and they go over to the other side of the room. AMBUSH!!!! Anyway, we talk for about 20-30 minutes (while they are looking at us from across the dance floor) and he gets my BB pin and we go out seperate ways. The next day he texts and we speak briefly because it's Memorial Day and of course I have a tight schedule of activities planned. Well...the next day he asked for my email so that we could communicate during the workday and I send it. Umm...bad idea on my part. He started sending these emails with like 5 questions per email for me to, in his words, "respond and reply with my own set of questions." I entertain this for maybe 2 emails until it started to get really annoying. I understand wanting to get to know someone, but there is NO way that you are going to learn everything about someone via email in such a short period of time. Then one day I didn't answer an email, so he sent a text and when I didn't answer the text, he send a BBM (Blackberry Message). Immediately I thought, "What did I get myself into?"
It got to a point where I felt like I was being bombarded so i just sent an email stating the way I felt and he started to slow it down. THANK GOODNESS! After this, I started to become a little more receptive to the texts and emails. We made a plan to go to lunch after church on Sunday, but due to the fact that my mother hijacked & kidnapped my stylist for majority of the morning, I didn't finish getting my hair done until late so we had to reschedule. (yes, I gave a 2 hour notice to let him know...gotta practice what I preach!) So, today was the day for the rescheduled lunch.
We met at a restaurant and I kept in mind the advice that my friend and my cousin gave me, "Just go and have fun...don't put anything on it, don't think too hard, just let go..." and that's what I did and guess what? I actually enjoyed myself. I allowed myself to open up (a little) and communicate. We talked about current schedules, life plans, family, church, etc and it wasn't bad at all. Matter of fact, it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be. Because of everything that had happened in the beginning, I had already (kinda) written him into a (maybe) friend (more like associate) category. But, now I don't see it as anything but a refreshing lunch date. He opened doors, pulled out chairs, blessed the food, WASHED HIS HANDS BEFORE HE ATE, helped me out of my chair, AND paid for the food without his card being declined (lol...I had to throw that in there).
Do I feel like he's "The One"? Nope, but it doesn't matter because that's not why I was there and that's not what I was looking for. For the first time, in a long time, I didn't go looking for anything...I was there to get to know another person and have a good time and it feels pretty darn good!
Bright Side: It actually re-charged my dating battery. If nothing comes of it, so what! At least now I know that it is possible to have a pleasant dating experience. Maybe I should've listened to them earlier lol
This is how the (short) story goes, I was at the table talking to some college friends when she walks (sprints) up to me and whispers in my ear "Here comes [my husband]'s coworker please don't be mad at me but I thought you would hit it off." They do brief introductions and they go over to the other side of the room. AMBUSH!!!! Anyway, we talk for about 20-30 minutes (while they are looking at us from across the dance floor) and he gets my BB pin and we go out seperate ways. The next day he texts and we speak briefly because it's Memorial Day and of course I have a tight schedule of activities planned. Well...the next day he asked for my email so that we could communicate during the workday and I send it. Umm...bad idea on my part. He started sending these emails with like 5 questions per email for me to, in his words, "respond and reply with my own set of questions." I entertain this for maybe 2 emails until it started to get really annoying. I understand wanting to get to know someone, but there is NO way that you are going to learn everything about someone via email in such a short period of time. Then one day I didn't answer an email, so he sent a text and when I didn't answer the text, he send a BBM (Blackberry Message). Immediately I thought, "What did I get myself into?"
It got to a point where I felt like I was being bombarded so i just sent an email stating the way I felt and he started to slow it down. THANK GOODNESS! After this, I started to become a little more receptive to the texts and emails. We made a plan to go to lunch after church on Sunday, but due to the fact that my mother hijacked & kidnapped my stylist for majority of the morning, I didn't finish getting my hair done until late so we had to reschedule. (yes, I gave a 2 hour notice to let him know...gotta practice what I preach!) So, today was the day for the rescheduled lunch.
We met at a restaurant and I kept in mind the advice that my friend and my cousin gave me, "Just go and have fun...don't put anything on it, don't think too hard, just let go..." and that's what I did and guess what? I actually enjoyed myself. I allowed myself to open up (a little) and communicate. We talked about current schedules, life plans, family, church, etc and it wasn't bad at all. Matter of fact, it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be. Because of everything that had happened in the beginning, I had already (kinda) written him into a (maybe) friend (more like associate) category. But, now I don't see it as anything but a refreshing lunch date. He opened doors, pulled out chairs, blessed the food, WASHED HIS HANDS BEFORE HE ATE, helped me out of my chair, AND paid for the food without his card being declined (lol...I had to throw that in there).
Do I feel like he's "The One"? Nope, but it doesn't matter because that's not why I was there and that's not what I was looking for. For the first time, in a long time, I didn't go looking for anything...I was there to get to know another person and have a good time and it feels pretty darn good!
Bright Side: It actually re-charged my dating battery. If nothing comes of it, so what! At least now I know that it is possible to have a pleasant dating experience. Maybe I should've listened to them earlier lol
Monday, June 21, 2010
A State of Confusion... (Part I: )
Hope that everyone had an outstanding Father-Figure's Day weekend! So...I forgot to mention something last week that is more important than anything that I've posted on here before...ready for it? I.WAS.ACCEPTED.INTO.GRADUATE.SCHOOL!!!! Yay! I'm so excited! I've been pushing this back for 5 years, but I'm proud of myself for following through this time. It's a scary thought to be back in a classroom after 5 years, but I think I'm ready for it. I'm comfortable with my chosen career path (Public Administration) and I'm psyched to see how I'll be challenged by my future professors. I think that it will be a good experience for me and I can't wait to start in September!!!
Now that I have the wheels turning on that one, I have another confession...I am in a state of CONFUSION!!! Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to focus on relationships and whatnot my mind still goes there. For example, I was reading the July issue of Essence and I saw that the Relationship Editor, Demetria Lucas, took a dating challenge given to her by her boss. The challenge was to allow a friend, her mom, and her boss chose a date for her. Now, after I read the article I started getting super excited. The little hampster in my head started to sprint in her little hampster wheel...what co-worker would I trust to set me up with a guy? Am I really ready to invite my mother into my personal/romantic life? My friends and I have COMPLETELY different taste when it comes to men so do I really want to go down that route?
After I decided that I might try 2 out of the 3 set-up schemes, I informed a co-worker at my part-time job of his (he's gay) task. That night, a guy comes into the store and we (I) started talking about all things East Coast (I love New York...would pick up & move there tomorrow if I could). Well my co-worker saw this random conversation as the opportunity for him to blurt out "You know that thing that you asked me to do? I choose him!" Loud & right in his face. Immediately I start to see this whole thing as a very bad idea. So the guy sees that as his opportunity to make his move & ask for my number. After the guy left the store, I had to inform my co-worker that I wasn't even attracted to the guy (at all) and that I talk to everyone like I was talking to him. I'll talk to anyone about anything...and he knows this. Fast Forward to today. The guy sends texts everyday and asks me about my day, he is constantly asking me out & trying to make plans. We went to breakfast on Saturday morning and he wanted to sit and talk and I was just ready to go after I ate my food. I can tell that he's a genuinely good guy but I just don't feel that he's the good guy for me.
The confusion comes in because I'm not sure if I should just give him a chance, even though I'm not attracted to him physically or mentally, or if I should put both of us out of our misery by letting him know that it just isn't going to work out. I constantly go back and forth wondering if I'm really giving someone a chance of if I'm writing them off too quickly because they aren't who I envisioned myself with. I know that God has someone for me but I also know that God might send him in a package that I might not be expecting...
Your thoughts?
I'll have "A State of Confusion... (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)" for you tomorrow. I'm going to lunch with a guy that my line sisterambused introduced me to at a friend's wedding.
Now that I have the wheels turning on that one, I have another confession...I am in a state of CONFUSION!!! Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to focus on relationships and whatnot my mind still goes there. For example, I was reading the July issue of Essence and I saw that the Relationship Editor, Demetria Lucas, took a dating challenge given to her by her boss. The challenge was to allow a friend, her mom, and her boss chose a date for her. Now, after I read the article I started getting super excited. The little hampster in my head started to sprint in her little hampster wheel...what co-worker would I trust to set me up with a guy? Am I really ready to invite my mother into my personal/romantic life? My friends and I have COMPLETELY different taste when it comes to men so do I really want to go down that route?
After I decided that I might try 2 out of the 3 set-up schemes, I informed a co-worker at my part-time job of his (he's gay) task. That night, a guy comes into the store and we (I) started talking about all things East Coast (I love New York...would pick up & move there tomorrow if I could). Well my co-worker saw this random conversation as the opportunity for him to blurt out "You know that thing that you asked me to do? I choose him!" Loud & right in his face. Immediately I start to see this whole thing as a very bad idea. So the guy sees that as his opportunity to make his move & ask for my number. After the guy left the store, I had to inform my co-worker that I wasn't even attracted to the guy (at all) and that I talk to everyone like I was talking to him. I'll talk to anyone about anything...and he knows this. Fast Forward to today. The guy sends texts everyday and asks me about my day, he is constantly asking me out & trying to make plans. We went to breakfast on Saturday morning and he wanted to sit and talk and I was just ready to go after I ate my food. I can tell that he's a genuinely good guy but I just don't feel that he's the good guy for me.
The confusion comes in because I'm not sure if I should just give him a chance, even though I'm not attracted to him physically or mentally, or if I should put both of us out of our misery by letting him know that it just isn't going to work out. I constantly go back and forth wondering if I'm really giving someone a chance of if I'm writing them off too quickly because they aren't who I envisioned myself with. I know that God has someone for me but I also know that God might send him in a package that I might not be expecting...
Your thoughts?
I'll have "A State of Confusion... (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)" for you tomorrow. I'm going to lunch with a guy that my line sister
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Double Stuff...
Before I begin my post for today, I have to send a shout-out to my friends at Cupids Cousin for hosting a wonderful event last night! I got there a little (a lot) early because I had to leave to go to dinner, but I wanted to make sure that I supported them and their efforts to decrease the number of young, professional, single men and women in the Houston area.
Cupids Cousin partners: Angela Jones & Jasmine Boone
The concept of this event was that everyone would receive a card with LOVE on one side and WAR on the other. When someone walks up to you they will ask "Love or War?" If you answer "LOVE", they would ask you a "safe" question, but if you answered "WAR", you would get a more controversial question. I love going to their events because their concepts are so unique and that is very refreshing. I even had the opportunity to try out my DJ skills (before the crowd arrived)...
I need a couple more lessons...but I looked cute practicing! lol
So after I left Love & War, I went to my friend's house for dinner. After dinner (and after I convinced them to watch the NBA Finals game), I received a text message from someone who just doesn't understand when it's time to part ways. This is the story: (get comfortable because this isn't a short story)
About a month and a half ago I went out with a guy. Dinner and the conversation was nice but I think that we would just be better as friends. Well after I got home from dinner, I started to get ready to call it a night when I started thinking of a few things that I needed to pick up from the store. Suddenly, I got this burst of energy and decided to right then (it was about 10:30 at night...call me crazy!) go to the store. So I go and get what I need and I'm standing in line. All of a sudden I see a guy move from the other lane to my lane (you know I was using my peripheral vision to try to see what he looked like lol). Well the guy (lets call him Wally) gets my attention and we have a brief converstation (Wally wasn't unattractive so I entertained the conversation). I leave out and go to my car and once I get situated, I start to pull out. Just as I was pulling out to leave, Wally & his cousin walk out of the store and he gets my attention. Wally & I exchange numbers and I go home to unload my groceries. Wally texts me that night and we converse for a while and he seems like a cool person. The only bad thing, so far, is that Wally lives in Dallas. That is a no bueno! I decide to just see where it goes. Wally and I talk all day every day for about a week. I'm really starting to feel Wally because we have a lot in common and he just seems like a really cool guy until...the "Double Stuff". I told Wally from the start that I have a full time job and a part time job on top of other events and activities so my time is somewhat limited. Well Wally will send me a text message and if I don't answer after 7-9 minutes, Wally will start sending "are you ignoring me" texts. Then if I text Wally, he might not answer for maybe 7-8 hours and think it's fine...that's an issue for me. I'm not the nagging type of female, I HATE to feel like I'm nagging someone but this was a reoccuring issue so I felt that I needed to say something. If I call Wally, he won't answer the phone, but send a text that he's doing something, but I don't answer my phone then Wally starts calling & calling then send texts asking why I'm not answering my phone. Matter of fact, I said something twice and everytime he was like "I understand and I won't do it again." After about 3 weeks, Wally and I decide that we are going to meet in the middle of Houston & Dallas. The day comes and Wally is like I might get off later than I expected so I will let you know at 1p what's going on. 1pm comes & goes, 2 pm comes & goes, by the time 3pm gets here I just decide to go on with my afternoon. Wally doesn't decide to contact me until close to 5pm. And what does he do? He calls and when I don't answer he goes on a texting frenzy. Wally asks me to come to Dallas to come see him? HA HA NINJA NO! Life doesn't work like that. When I finally decide to respond, he says that he's just going to come the next weekend to Houston. By this time I have a real nonchalant "whatever" attitude because I know that something will come up. The weekend approaches and I ask Wally if he's still coming to Houston and he starts with the excuses...then he gets mad at me for not offering to come there to see him. Now, when Wally and I first started communicating, I told him that I'm not chasing after any man. I also told Wally that I was hosting my sister's birthday party that weekend and that I was going to be unavailable until about 7p or 8p...he conveniently forgot.
I guess you can say that the straw that broke the camel's back is when he text me the night of the birthday party. He asked me what I was doing and I responded that I was at home watching a movie. His next question was if I was watching it with a man. Now, me having the smart mouth that I have and remembering that I told him that this is not a relationship and that we are open & free to date whomever we please, I told him that I was too tired to entertain. Wally didn't like that answer so his next question was if I wasn't too tired, would I be entertaining a man and my response was yes, if I want to entertain a man at my apartment then yes I would be. Wally really didn't like the answer to that question so he ended the conversation abruptly. I wasn't phased so I turned around and went to sleep. The next day I sent Wally a text and he didn't answer so I sent "THAT" text to him a little later. By "THAT" text, I mean the text (that should really be a phone conversation) that says that it's just not going to work out so it's better to just move around. Well, Wally didn't respond so I just thought he was either fine with it or was avoiding contact because his ego was bruised. Yeah right! On Monday I get a call from Wally just shooting the breeze. He fixes his mouth to say "I lost my phone so I had to get a new one. I bet you were blowing up my phone, huh?" I had to laugh a little because I've never blown up his phone before, why would I start now? Was he that delirious? I just respond no. I asked him if he received my text message and he said no and rushed me off the phone. That's cool with me...I just went down my Blackberry screen to find the original text and hit resend. Again, I don't hear anything from Wally until...last night. Wally sends me a text saying that he misses me and just needs to see me and asks me to come to Dallas. Umm...in what world does "Hey...it was good meeting you but I can't do this. I hope that you find what you are looking for..." translate to I want you to extend an offer for me to come to Dallas...again? So I politely resend the message (for the THIRD time) and he responds that he's not trying here that and asks me to come again. I'm just frustrated by this time so I call to tell him and after I tell him that it's just not going to work out, he hangs up the phone on me. I thought that was the funniest thing ever! I'm halfway expecting to get a text or a phone call this weekend?
Bright Side: I'm glad that I got out after a month & a half instead of earlier. No telling how he would have reacted if we were months in...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
A mind is...
I've been meaning to put these thoughts on (virtual) paper for the past two weeks but you know how life goes... Anyway, a couple of things have been going on and I just felt like it was time to write about it.
Background: I was an only child for about 14 years, which means that I am spoiled loved dearly. It also means that I had to develop an imagination because a lot of the times I had to play with myself, since I was surrounded by grown-ups. Well...it seems as if this imagination has followed me into my adult years.
Before I decided to direct my focus on continuing my education and working on the career that I want, I was really consumed with being in a relationship and having that constant companionship. Don't get me wrong, I always have my friends & my family to hang out with but sometimes I want to go to a concert, dinner, movie, etc. with someone that I can cuddle, kiss, etc. at the end of the night. During this period, my mind (imagination) would run wild and ultimately set me up for failure & disappointment.
For example:
For a friend's birthday, my RD and I went to a club to celebrate with him and others. We were on the dance floor and I saw an attractive guy walk past us. A few minutes later, he was right behind us. Eventually, we started talking and we ended up talking the entire night (in the club). The club was crowded so when people would bump us, he would put his arm around me and pull me into him to prevent me from being pushed around. Well...my mind took this and ran with it. From the conversation that we had and just those few interactions I just liked him sooo much. You see...my mind started running with the few details that he gave me and he was just the perfect guy. (In my mind) I built him up to be a prince...when in reality he was not. On our first date we went bowling and that was cool. But our second date was not. In fact, it was so HORRIBLE that I tweeted the experience! First, he didn't feel it necessary to tell me that he was going to be over 30 minutes late, then after being 45 minutes late he decided to change our meeting place to a location that was about 15 minutes from where we originally planned to meet. (I was going to just cancel, but I was encouraged to just go anyway) After that madness, he called to ask me where I was and what was taking me so long to get to meeting place #2. I finally get there and this ninja also didn't feel it necessary to brush, trim, cut his facial hair or the hair on top of his head. He was straight SCRUFFY!! I mention that it would be nice for him to inform me of when he's running late and he looks at me like I'm crazy and blames it on the traffic. (Umm...yea that's fine but a text or phone call would still be nice) **Note: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an inconsiderate person. Someone who is inconsiderate of someone else's time, property, feelings, etc runs me hot!!** So anyway, I walk into the restaurant and we walk to a table with his family. I'm thinking that we are going to watch the NBA semi-finals but we're actually going to a birthday dinner with his fam. Again, some notice would be nice. The evening ended with us finally going to watch the game and I left after about 10 mins. (I wanted to make a detour and go straight home after dinner, but my cousin said that would be rude) Needless to say, I was more than disappointed. My mind had built him up to be more than he really was instead of me just going with the flow and getting to know him before I really formed an opinion of how much (or little) I was feeling him. The funny thing is that the fortune that I got that night said that I was going to have an enjoyable experience in the near future...still waiting! lol
Another example:
There is a guy who lives right down the hall from me. My friends and I have nicknamed him "cute neighbor." I first ran into CN the first week I moved in. He had a hat on and a tank and my eyes went directly for the arms (I'm a sucker for some nice arms). I would see CN every now and again, but I always saw him from far away or in gym attire. Well...last week CN and I passed each other in the hall and guess what? CN was not what I thought that he was AT ALL! He and I spoke and he smiled and it just didn't do anything for me. It left me wondering what happened to the guy that (in my mind) I thought was so cute? Now when I pass his door I don't secretly hope that he's coming in or out so we can bump into each other. His nickname has been changed to **silence**.
Bright Side: There are many more examples of how my imagination has crashed & burned, but I guess now I realized that all that I'm letting my mind do for me is set me up for a huge disappointment. The mind is very powerful, but I have to keep it under control. I'm trying to go slow (which is SUPER hard for me) and take my time. I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do believe that I'm getting there...slowly but surely.
Background: I was an only child for about 14 years, which means that I am
Before I decided to direct my focus on continuing my education and working on the career that I want, I was really consumed with being in a relationship and having that constant companionship. Don't get me wrong, I always have my friends & my family to hang out with but sometimes I want to go to a concert, dinner, movie, etc. with someone that I can cuddle, kiss, etc. at the end of the night. During this period, my mind (imagination) would run wild and ultimately set me up for failure & disappointment.
For example:
For a friend's birthday, my RD and I went to a club to celebrate with him and others. We were on the dance floor and I saw an attractive guy walk past us. A few minutes later, he was right behind us. Eventually, we started talking and we ended up talking the entire night (in the club). The club was crowded so when people would bump us, he would put his arm around me and pull me into him to prevent me from being pushed around. Well...my mind took this and ran with it. From the conversation that we had and just those few interactions I just liked him sooo much. You see...my mind started running with the few details that he gave me and he was just the perfect guy. (In my mind) I built him up to be a prince...when in reality he was not. On our first date we went bowling and that was cool. But our second date was not. In fact, it was so HORRIBLE that I tweeted the experience! First, he didn't feel it necessary to tell me that he was going to be over 30 minutes late, then after being 45 minutes late he decided to change our meeting place to a location that was about 15 minutes from where we originally planned to meet. (I was going to just cancel, but I was encouraged to just go anyway) After that madness, he called to ask me where I was and what was taking me so long to get to meeting place #2. I finally get there and this ninja also didn't feel it necessary to brush, trim, cut his facial hair or the hair on top of his head. He was straight SCRUFFY!! I mention that it would be nice for him to inform me of when he's running late and he looks at me like I'm crazy and blames it on the traffic. (Umm...yea that's fine but a text or phone call would still be nice) **Note: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an inconsiderate person. Someone who is inconsiderate of someone else's time, property, feelings, etc runs me hot!!** So anyway, I walk into the restaurant and we walk to a table with his family. I'm thinking that we are going to watch the NBA semi-finals but we're actually going to a birthday dinner with his fam. Again, some notice would be nice. The evening ended with us finally going to watch the game and I left after about 10 mins. (I wanted to make a detour and go straight home after dinner, but my cousin said that would be rude) Needless to say, I was more than disappointed. My mind had built him up to be more than he really was instead of me just going with the flow and getting to know him before I really formed an opinion of how much (or little) I was feeling him. The funny thing is that the fortune that I got that night said that I was going to have an enjoyable experience in the near future...still waiting! lol
Another example:
There is a guy who lives right down the hall from me. My friends and I have nicknamed him "cute neighbor." I first ran into CN the first week I moved in. He had a hat on and a tank and my eyes went directly for the arms (I'm a sucker for some nice arms). I would see CN every now and again, but I always saw him from far away or in gym attire. Well...last week CN and I passed each other in the hall and guess what? CN was not what I thought that he was AT ALL! He and I spoke and he smiled and it just didn't do anything for me. It left me wondering what happened to the guy that (in my mind) I thought was so cute? Now when I pass his door I don't secretly hope that he's coming in or out so we can bump into each other. His nickname has been changed to **silence**.
Bright Side: There are many more examples of how my imagination has crashed & burned, but I guess now I realized that all that I'm letting my mind do for me is set me up for a huge disappointment. The mind is very powerful, but I have to keep it under control. I'm trying to go slow (which is SUPER hard for me) and take my time. I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do believe that I'm getting there...slowly but surely.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I'll Save My Breath...
First off, I have to say thanks for the shout out to OneChele of Black 'N Bougie. I love her blog & her book, Heard It All Before!!!
Secondly, I had this whole blog idea in my head. I was going to write about how once I let go of a certain person, I've been meeting, going out with, and REALLY enjoying myself with other men (I met a new guy, went out with 2 different newbies and an old one this weekend), buuut there's something else that is weighing a little heavy on my heart.
You see, my family & my friends are the most important things to me (after my relationship with God). My [true] friends are just like family (imaginary blood and all!) so when someone messes with them, I always find myself putting on my Superwoman costume and wanting to run to the rescue. That's the case with one friend of mine. She's been through more than one woman should go through and it seems like she still keeps getting it. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that some of the things could be avoided. For instance, she's been in this relationship with a guy (I will NOT call him a man) who (in my heart) I feel like he's been messing around on her for a long, long time. But you know what every grandmother says, "What goes on in the dark will eventually come to light." He was able to get away with it until he slipped up. Me, I was furious and I told her about it. We've had numerous arguments about him and his lack of respect for her, but she continues to stay with him. We have gone without speaking for months at a time. I know people are like if that's your friend then you need to respect her decisions. But am I really being a good friend by sitting and watching her go through this without trying to talk some sense in her? If you saw your friend standing in the middle of a busy street, wouldn't you yell for them to move out of the way? I.JUST.DONT.GET.IT!!! Why would someone stay with someone who openly disrespects you? And if that isn't bad enough, he disrespected her again. This time she didn't tell me but I was using my super investigative skills to look at something else when this just popped up at me (don't go looking for something because you never know what you'll find).
I was beyond pissed! Not only because it happened but because she didn't tell me. I had to sit back and think about it. She probably didn't tell me because she knew how I would respond and she probably didn't want to hear my mouth. But right now, I'm not even upset. I'm at the point where I'm just sad for her. I see so many things that she could/can become, soooo many men who would love to be with her, and a better life for her and others. She has her own connections to him, but [in my mind] no penis is better than sharing penis. There are soo many things out there that could jeopardize her health and what about the example that she's setting for others? I also worry about her because she internalizes a lot of things. She doesn't really express her feelings to anyone about anything (past, present, or future) and I'm scared that she might end up on Snapped. But like I said in my last post, you can't "will" someone to do something that they don't want to do. I really just hope that she comes to her senses (like I had to do) and realize that she's worth soooo much more. But until then, I'll save my breath to cool my soup!
So...I've been looking for a bright side to no avail...I want to be there for my friend but I can't keep sitting and watching her get deeper and deeper into this hole. What do I do? How does someone who's not in a relationship tell someone else who is how to handle their relationship?
Secondly, I had this whole blog idea in my head. I was going to write about how once I let go of a certain person, I've been meeting, going out with, and REALLY enjoying myself with other men (I met a new guy, went out with 2 different newbies and an old one this weekend), buuut there's something else that is weighing a little heavy on my heart.
You see, my family & my friends are the most important things to me (after my relationship with God). My [true] friends are just like family (imaginary blood and all!) so when someone messes with them, I always find myself putting on my Superwoman costume and wanting to run to the rescue. That's the case with one friend of mine. She's been through more than one woman should go through and it seems like she still keeps getting it. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that some of the things could be avoided. For instance, she's been in this relationship with a guy (I will NOT call him a man) who (in my heart) I feel like he's been messing around on her for a long, long time. But you know what every grandmother says, "What goes on in the dark will eventually come to light." He was able to get away with it until he slipped up. Me, I was furious and I told her about it. We've had numerous arguments about him and his lack of respect for her, but she continues to stay with him. We have gone without speaking for months at a time. I know people are like if that's your friend then you need to respect her decisions. But am I really being a good friend by sitting and watching her go through this without trying to talk some sense in her? If you saw your friend standing in the middle of a busy street, wouldn't you yell for them to move out of the way? I.JUST.DONT.GET.IT!!! Why would someone stay with someone who openly disrespects you? And if that isn't bad enough, he disrespected her again. This time she didn't tell me but I was using my super investigative skills to look at something else when this just popped up at me (don't go looking for something because you never know what you'll find).
I was beyond pissed! Not only because it happened but because she didn't tell me. I had to sit back and think about it. She probably didn't tell me because she knew how I would respond and she probably didn't want to hear my mouth. But right now, I'm not even upset. I'm at the point where I'm just sad for her. I see so many things that she could/can become, soooo many men who would love to be with her, and a better life for her and others. She has her own connections to him, but [in my mind] no penis is better than sharing penis. There are soo many things out there that could jeopardize her health and what about the example that she's setting for others? I also worry about her because she internalizes a lot of things. She doesn't really express her feelings to anyone about anything (past, present, or future) and I'm scared that she might end up on Snapped. But like I said in my last post, you can't "will" someone to do something that they don't want to do. I really just hope that she comes to her senses (like I had to do) and realize that she's worth soooo much more. But until then, I'll save my breath to cool my soup!
So...I've been looking for a bright side to no avail...I want to be there for my friend but I can't keep sitting and watching her get deeper and deeper into this hole. What do I do? How does someone who's not in a relationship tell someone else who is how to handle their relationship?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Before I Self-Destruct...
So I have a confession to make. After some careful self evaluation, I have discovered that the real reason that I am still single is ALL.MY.FAULT. As much as I tried to convice my friends, and myself, that I was really ready for a successful relationship, my actions proved otherwise. At one point in time, I was meeting tons of new people, dating regularly, and just having a good ol' time...but it never lasted longer than a week or so. You see, although I was technically single, my heart, mind, and everything else were attached to someone else, so really & truly any possible relationship with someone else was headed for sabotage and destruction. It didn't start out that way, but after a few years, for me, it grew into something that I now see was very toxic. I won't go into the whole entire story but I'll give you a brief (really brief, not my usual brief) synopsis.
There was a guy that I knew for a long time; I never saw him as anything more than just a friend. Well some kind of way we started communicating. Communications went from every so often to every day. He went from someone that I knew back in the day, to someone that was my friend, to someone that I considered to be a best friend. Well then the advances started coming. I can be a hardapple at times so I just kept it moving until I don't know what happened and I just started taking them seriously. Then RED FLAG #1 popped up: a mysterious status change on fb and when I asked about it there was a denial, I ignored it and advances started getting stronger and more consistent. Before all of this happened, I considered him to be a really good friend, I felt like I could trust him enough to express my thoughts and they not be used against me. RED FLAG #2 came up when we were in the same city at the same time and he was supposed to come somewhere and didn't show up. Again I ignored my intuition and needless to say I eventually fell for the okey-doak and it left me in a bad headspace (stole that from Sheila in Why Did I Get Married TOO). I've been to where he lives a number of times and it's great while I'm there but when I get back here it's just an empty feeling...everytime. Same thing for when he comes back home...nothing ever changes. But anyway, now when I bring up something that was said before he doesn't even remember it, and it makes me feel even worse for believing any of it. I just can't wrap my head around someone who I thought I developed a strong friendship with would do this...so it makes me think that maybe there wasn't really a friendship (for him) there after all. I've expressed my thoughts about the situation (to him) on a number of occassions and he will apologize and I think he gets it until later down the line we start talking about something and he'll make a comment about something and it makes me question if the apology was sincere or if it was to just pacify/appease me at that moment. I've tried to move around but something still kept drawing me back to him. (I know what something is...my feelings)
So this brings me to now...any other time I would go through this big we can't be friends ordeal (it's happened about 3 times) but this time, I'm not going that route. I've decided to accept my responsibility in the matter. The reason that things keep happening this way is because I let them (doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result). I sabotaged countless relationships holding on to the thought that maybe he's just saying this because (insert common excuse for someone here), because I had it already in my head that this was the person that I wanted. The killing part is that I just realized that you can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you...you can't will it, you can't make anyone feel anything for you that is not there, and you certainly can't dwell on the things of the past ( I have an elephant's memory so this is a hard one for me). People can do sooo many things, make sooo many promises, and say soooo many things that give you those "warm & fuzzy" feelings, but if their actions don't back up those words and they aren't consistant then that needs to be your cue to leave it alone. That's where I am now. I didn't delete any phonebook entries, facebook, im accounts or anything. I didn't even give notice that I was ready for an out. I just stopped responding (and luckily for me, he's the type of person to not push the issue) and it's been 6 weeks. Eventually I'll get to the point where I'm not counting how long it's been since I've conversed with him, but this was someone who was a very big part of my life for almost 5 years. We communicated almost every day for 5 years, I loved him as my friend and I can stop denying the fact that I was in love with him, he was the first person I contacted when something happened, (to me) he was one of my best friends...but I wasn't that person to him. I know now that they things that I [thought] that I loved were all based on a lie, so in reality there was nothing to really love...it might as well have been a figment of my imagination. I will admit that I do still check fb profiles to make sure that everything is good with him and I even think about the past every now and again but I'm so proud of myself for not sending that text that'll put me back into that mindset that wasn't very healthy for me. I think that things would have worked out a lot differently if the friendship was reciprocated.
Now I feel that I am truly ready to start seriously dating and ready for the one to find me...the one that I can't live without and, who in return, can't live without me.
Bright Side: Things are starting to look up for me. I've prayed for guidance and support and I have awesome friends who have been with me throughout this whole ordeal. They've been a shoulder to cry/lean on and I can say that the hole is starting to close up and the thoughts are slowly but surely starting to lessen as the days go by. I'm getting back to my "happy place."
There was a guy that I knew for a long time; I never saw him as anything more than just a friend. Well some kind of way we started communicating. Communications went from every so often to every day. He went from someone that I knew back in the day, to someone that was my friend, to someone that I considered to be a best friend. Well then the advances started coming. I can be a hardapple at times so I just kept it moving until I don't know what happened and I just started taking them seriously. Then RED FLAG #1 popped up: a mysterious status change on fb and when I asked about it there was a denial, I ignored it and advances started getting stronger and more consistent. Before all of this happened, I considered him to be a really good friend, I felt like I could trust him enough to express my thoughts and they not be used against me. RED FLAG #2 came up when we were in the same city at the same time and he was supposed to come somewhere and didn't show up. Again I ignored my intuition and needless to say I eventually fell for the okey-doak and it left me in a bad headspace (stole that from Sheila in Why Did I Get Married TOO). I've been to where he lives a number of times and it's great while I'm there but when I get back here it's just an empty feeling...everytime. Same thing for when he comes back home...nothing ever changes. But anyway, now when I bring up something that was said before he doesn't even remember it, and it makes me feel even worse for believing any of it. I just can't wrap my head around someone who I thought I developed a strong friendship with would do this...so it makes me think that maybe there wasn't really a friendship (for him) there after all. I've expressed my thoughts about the situation (to him) on a number of occassions and he will apologize and I think he gets it until later down the line we start talking about something and he'll make a comment about something and it makes me question if the apology was sincere or if it was to just pacify/appease me at that moment. I've tried to move around but something still kept drawing me back to him. (I know what something is...my feelings)
So this brings me to now...any other time I would go through this big we can't be friends ordeal (it's happened about 3 times) but this time, I'm not going that route. I've decided to accept my responsibility in the matter. The reason that things keep happening this way is because I let them (doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result). I sabotaged countless relationships holding on to the thought that maybe he's just saying this because (insert common excuse for someone here), because I had it already in my head that this was the person that I wanted. The killing part is that I just realized that you can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you...you can't will it, you can't make anyone feel anything for you that is not there, and you certainly can't dwell on the things of the past ( I have an elephant's memory so this is a hard one for me). People can do sooo many things, make sooo many promises, and say soooo many things that give you those "warm & fuzzy" feelings, but if their actions don't back up those words and they aren't consistant then that needs to be your cue to leave it alone. That's where I am now. I didn't delete any phonebook entries, facebook, im accounts or anything. I didn't even give notice that I was ready for an out. I just stopped responding (and luckily for me, he's the type of person to not push the issue) and it's been 6 weeks. Eventually I'll get to the point where I'm not counting how long it's been since I've conversed with him, but this was someone who was a very big part of my life for almost 5 years. We communicated almost every day for 5 years, I loved him as my friend and I can stop denying the fact that I was in love with him, he was the first person I contacted when something happened, (to me) he was one of my best friends...but I wasn't that person to him. I know now that they things that I [thought] that I loved were all based on a lie, so in reality there was nothing to really love...it might as well have been a figment of my imagination. I will admit that I do still check fb profiles to make sure that everything is good with him and I even think about the past every now and again but I'm so proud of myself for not sending that text that'll put me back into that mindset that wasn't very healthy for me. I think that things would have worked out a lot differently if the friendship was reciprocated.
Now I feel that I am truly ready to start seriously dating and ready for the one to find me...the one that I can't live without and, who in return, can't live without me.
Bright Side: Things are starting to look up for me. I've prayed for guidance and support and I have awesome friends who have been with me throughout this whole ordeal. They've been a shoulder to cry/lean on and I can say that the hole is starting to close up and the thoughts are slowly but surely starting to lessen as the days go by. I'm getting back to my "happy place."
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