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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A mind is...

I've been meaning to put these thoughts on (virtual) paper for the past two weeks but you know how life goes...  Anyway, a couple of things have been going on and I just felt like it was time to write about it. 

Background: I was an only child for about 14 years, which means that I am spoiled loved dearly.  It also means that I had to develop an imagination because a lot of the times I had to play with myself, since I was surrounded by grown-ups. seems as if this imagination has followed me into my adult years.

Before I decided to direct my focus on continuing my education and working on the career that I want, I was really consumed with being in a relationship and having that constant companionship.  Don't get me wrong, I always have my friends & my family to hang out with but sometimes I want to go to a concert, dinner, movie, etc. with someone that I can cuddle, kiss, etc. at the end of the night.  During this period, my mind (imagination) would run wild and ultimately set me up for failure & disappointment.

For example:
For a friend's birthday, my RD and I went to a club to celebrate with him and others.  We were on the dance floor and I saw an attractive guy walk past us.  A few minutes later, he was right behind us.  Eventually, we started talking and we ended up talking the entire night (in the club).  The club was crowded so when people would bump us, he would put his arm around me and pull me into him to prevent me from being pushed around. mind took this and ran with it.  From the conversation that we had and just those few interactions I just liked him sooo much.  You mind started running with the few details that he gave me and he was just the perfect guy.  (In my mind) I built him up to be a prince...when in reality he was not.  On our first date we went bowling and that was cool.  But our second date was not.  In fact, it was so HORRIBLE that I tweeted the experience!  First, he didn't feel it necessary to tell me that he was going to be over 30 minutes late, then after being 45 minutes late he decided to change our meeting place to a location that was about 15 minutes from where we originally planned to meet.  (I was going to just cancel, but I was encouraged to just go anyway)  After that madness, he called to ask me where I was and what was taking me so long to get to meeting place #2.  I finally get there and this ninja also didn't feel it necessary to brush, trim, cut his facial hair or the hair on top of his head.  He was straight SCRUFFY!! I mention that it would be nice for him to inform me of when he's running late and he looks at me like I'm crazy and blames it on the traffic.  (Umm...yea that's fine but a text or phone call would still be nice)  **Note: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an inconsiderate person.  Someone who is inconsiderate of someone else's time, property, feelings, etc runs me hot!!** So anyway, I walk into the restaurant and we walk to a table with his family.  I'm thinking that we are going to watch the NBA semi-finals but we're actually going to a birthday dinner with his fam. Again, some notice would be nice.  The evening ended with us finally going to watch the game and I left after about 10 mins.  (I wanted to make a detour and go straight home after dinner, but my cousin said that would be rude) Needless to say, I was more than disappointed.  My mind had built him up to be more than he really was instead of me just going with the flow and getting to know him before I really formed an opinion of how much (or little) I was feeling him. The funny thing is that the fortune that I got that night said that I was going to have an enjoyable experience in the near future...still waiting! lol

Another example:
There is a guy who lives right down the hall from me.  My friends and I have nicknamed him "cute neighbor."  I first ran into CN the first week I moved in.  He had a hat on and a tank and my eyes went directly for the arms (I'm a sucker for some nice arms).  I would see CN every now and again, but I always saw him from far away or in gym attire.  Well...last week CN and I passed each other in the hall and guess what?  CN was not what I thought that he was AT ALL!  He and I spoke and he smiled and it just didn't do anything for me.  It left me wondering what happened to the guy that (in my mind) I thought was so cute?  Now when I pass his door I don't secretly hope that he's coming in or out so we can bump into each other.  His nickname has been changed to **silence**.

Bright Side:  There are many more examples of how my imagination has crashed & burned, but I guess now I realized that all that I'm letting my mind do for me is set me up for a huge disappointment.  The mind is very powerful, but I have to keep it under control.  I'm trying to go slow (which is SUPER hard for me) and take my time.  I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do believe that I'm getting there...slowly but surely.