Now that I have the wheels turning on that one, I have another confession...I am in a state of CONFUSION!!! Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to focus on relationships and whatnot my mind still goes there. For example, I was reading the July issue of Essence and I saw that the Relationship Editor, Demetria Lucas, took a dating challenge given to her by her boss. The challenge was to allow a friend, her mom, and her boss chose a date for her. Now, after I read the article I started getting super excited. The little hampster in my head started to sprint in her little hampster wheel...what co-worker would I trust to set me up with a guy? Am I really ready to invite my mother into my personal/romantic life? My friends and I have COMPLETELY different taste when it comes to men so do I really want to go down that route?
After I decided that I might try 2 out of the 3 set-up schemes, I informed a co-worker at my part-time job of his (he's gay) task. That night, a guy comes into the store and we (I) started talking about all things East Coast (I love New York...would pick up & move there tomorrow if I could). Well my co-worker saw this random conversation as the opportunity for him to blurt out "You know that thing that you asked me to do? I choose him!" Loud & right in his face. Immediately I start to see this whole thing as a very bad idea. So the guy sees that as his opportunity to make his move & ask for my number. After the guy left the store, I had to inform my co-worker that I wasn't even attracted to the guy (at all) and that I talk to everyone like I was talking to him. I'll talk to anyone about anything...and he knows this. Fast Forward to today. The guy sends texts everyday and asks me about my day, he is constantly asking me out & trying to make plans. We went to breakfast on Saturday morning and he wanted to sit and talk and I was just ready to go after I ate my food. I can tell that he's a genuinely good guy but I just don't feel that he's the good guy for me.
The confusion comes in because I'm not sure if I should just give him a chance, even though I'm not attracted to him physically or mentally, or if I should put both of us out of our misery by letting him know that it just isn't going to work out. I constantly go back and forth wondering if I'm really giving someone a chance of if I'm writing them off too quickly because they aren't who I envisioned myself with. I know that God has someone for me but I also know that God might send him in a package that I might not be expecting...
Your thoughts?
I'll have "A State of Confusion... (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)" for you tomorrow. I'm going to lunch with a guy that my line sister
Hi Reisha, congrats on your acceptance to grad school.
ReplyDeleteI usually take magazine articles with a pinch of salt. They main of objective is profit.
I would trust your instinct ... it seems to be fairly accurate. You're right, God has someone for everybody. It may be a good idea to continue doing your own thing (school, work,etc) and if you should happen to 'come across' someone that fits (more or less) into your lifestyle then let them get in where they fit in.(if only initially)
As far as the current situation, I would proceed but be upfront and honest (attraction[lack thereof], hectic schedule, expectations). Once the truth (and boundaries) are out in the open, you're free to enjoy each other's company in an atmosphere with less anxiety and miscommunication.
... In my opinion.
Give the guy a chance!
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to make him your husband. You don't even have to make him your boyfriend. Just have fun. Did you enjoy it at all?
I agree with A Renee. Some times we focus on "our" type when a great friendship may form if nothing else. Now if he pursues it as a relationship, I think you should let him down gently but you two may make good friends. And just because he is a nice guy by checking on you and asking about your day doesnt mean that he wants a relationship. He may just enjoy your company. You have been saying in previous posts how your mind wanders and we all do it, but just live in the moment and enjoy yourself.
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