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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Spot On!

Okay so I so totally stole this from the Write of Die Chick over at, but it was soooo fitting.  Let me know if these apply to you!

The Write or Die Chick: 10 Annoying Things Single Women Hate to Hear

Sometimes folks mean well when they say random goofy stuff. After my uncle’s funeral a few months ago, one of the ministers I’ve known since I was a kid leaned forward in her seat as I went to get a drink from my mama’s fridge, just minding my own business. 

“I’m tired of coming to see your family about sad news. When am I coming to do a wedding?” She batted her lashes. 

I grimaced inside. Ouch. Spotlight on my singleness.

“Welp,” I started, sipping slow on a glass of Sprite to quench my quick tongue, “you’re the one with the direct line to the Lord. Pray up a man for me to marry and we can have the wedding of your dreams.” (That is so something that I would say! Lol) In retrospect, perhaps I should’ve taken a longer sip. 

I can’t speak for all singleistas, but I’ve got a list of things I know I’m sick of hearing or answering in my adventures in unmarried-ness.
10. Use this time to work on you. Anytime’s a good time for self-improvement. I know some women need to decompress following a really bad or hurtful relationship, but singleness need not be the sole reason to chase a dream or chip away at a personal flaw. 

9. Stop being so picky. A woman wants what she wants. But if expecting a man to have a job, his right mind, some manners and all of his front teeth -- and not the Lil’ Jon kind -- makes a gal picky, then guilty as charged. 

8. Is that what you’re wearing to go out? No, actually it’s not. I was just about to change into my man-magnet lace bra top and hot pants. I mean, if I need to put ‘em on the glass in order to snag a dude, maybe I should just stay parked at home in my sweats and Proactiv mask.
7. I envy you. I wish I was still single. Can we be honest with each other right here? If you really wanted to be single, boo, you would be. It’s free and available to anybody who wants to have it. Plenty of it to go around. 

6. It’s his loss. That might’ve made me feel better when I was in the fifth grade. Maybe a scratch and sniff sticker to go along with the advice would help heal the hurt. 

5. Have you tried [insert online dating site here]? I know the ads are convincing. Just pay your little membership fee and love pops into your inbox. But I can count on one hand how many people I personally know who’ve scored dates with reasonably compatible dudes on those sites, much less a whole relationship. And besides, the guy in the eHarmony commercial is creepy. Talking about he might not be single after their second date?! Yikes.

4. Let me introduce you to my nephew/son/cousin/brother/co-worker/personal trainer/mechanic/dentist/lawyer/butcher/bail bondsman. There are times when two people seem like they would just so totally hit it off that it’s almost stupid to not try to at least introduce them, then sit back and watch the sparks from your romantic handiwork fly. But sometimes folks just get desperate -- even if you’re not -- and all it takes for some lucky dude to become their single friend’s next date is the fact that… well, he’s a dude. Not that desperate yet. Try me again in 10 years. 

3. Do you go out to places where you can meet someone? Where exactly are these fabled places where I can just pluck guys like fresh produce off the trees, ripe and ready for commitment? Gimme an address to plug into my GPS. Rare is the woman whose main dating problem is that she’s holed up in her home in like the hermit lady who gets pranked by the neighborhood kids. We’re out there, but short of having an experience that would make prophets out of The Weather Girls, it’s not necessarily raining men.

2. Stop focusing on it and let it happen. Ah, you got me. Here I was doodling “Janelle loves Anonymous” all over my notebooks. I’m a single mother, I own a business and I’m not lamenting the absence of a husband in my household. It would be nice to be married, yes. But my life’s work is not unfulfilled because I never had an engagement ring slipped onto my left hand. 

1. Gasp! You’re so great/wonderful/amazing. Why are you still single? A long, blank stare is usually the only answer this one ever needs. 

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Friday, October 7, 2011

Best Thing...

Yes, I was off yesterday but I spent the entire day helping my mother move and then I went straight to rehearsal for my friend/line sister's wedding tonight.  I'm super excited for @tjflenoy and Joe Driver's wedding tonight!  (Twitter Trending Topic: #tiffandjoesayIdo)

But as promised, here's the story that I was supposed to share yesterday.  There was a guy that I dated off and on from 9th grade until sometime last year.  I usually am not the type to go back and forth, but with him it was a little different.  Every time that we stopped dating, it wasn't because he did something wrong of was messing with someone else, but because it just phased out for the moment.  I guess you could call him my "Go-To Guy".  He was the one I could "go to" when I wasn't in a relationship and just wanted to go out or for companionship.  This was all the case up until I found out that the entire time we were dating/talking/in a relationship/whatever you want to call it, he was doing the same thing with another girl, who happened to be the mother of his child.  Fun times, right?  Well, when I found out I didn't go ballistic, I just sent my "closure" text and kept it moving.  I guess the thing to know about me is that when I'm in a relationship,  I take on the other person's friends too.  Many times I would be the only female with him and his friends or his cousins watching the game, hanging out at the house, whatever because that's me.  They were cool, so we were cool.

One of GTG's cousins (Chris) and I were really cool.  I tried to hook him up with one of my friends, we traded music, he even was the one to try to give me advice on GTG. (This story is not going where you think it's just read).  Anyway, this group was really cool so when I found out that GTG was still messing with his BM (baby mama) and I left him alone, his friends/cousins went with him.  Now, I didn't expect for his friends to dime him out, but if they knew that he was still with her (which I'm sure they did), then Chris shouldn't have been so adamant about making sure GTG & I stayed together.  He could have just been cool when we all hung out and left it like that. 

Fast Forward to the present...a couple of months ago I got a message from one of his friends shooting the breeze and asking why I let GTG do some of the foolish things that he did.  And I had to explain that he was a grown man I can't "let" anyone do anything.  But, last week I got a message on the online dating site from Chris.  I'll post the message (verbatim) and let you draw your own conclusions.  I will tell you that all I could do was laugh. 

he said September 28

Well, well, well! I run into you again, except on here instead of ******* Ms. Random Rambler! Clearly both sites think we are compatible for some reason. I never quite understood why you ex-communicated me because things didn't workout between you and my cousin. I thought we were cool, but, it is what it is. You're an intelligent, driven and attractive woman, so, I'm sure you won't be on here long. But, good luck!

you said September 30

Just like I told ********, because you knew the entire time that GTG was actually still with ******'s mother. Not that I expected you to rat out your cousin, but you were actively trying to get us together. But, it's the past and I'm moving forward.

Good Luck to you as well.

he said September 30

So, misinformed sweetheart...smh. Do your thang RR

Bright Side:  A couple of friends and I got a pretty good laugh about this and I didn't respond because there was no need.  It's over and done and I sleep just fine with my decision.  But, remind me to tell you the story of his interaction with another friend of mine...the world is truly a small place!

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Been There, Done That, and I Guess I'll Try It One More Time...

Happy Hump Day!  So I know I was MIA last week and no excuses, so let's get right into it!  Okay, so I was talking to my good friend, Kells, last week and she was going on and on about the rave reviews that a certain dating site was receiving.  She was just like they have the highest success rate of marriages and blah, blah, blah.  I informed her that I had already been there and done that!  She asked me about my experience and I just told her honestly that I didn't feel like I got anything out of it.  Well, her response what "How much did you put into it?" And when I thought about it, I didn't put very much.  I mean, yeah I reached out to a few people but I didn't invest too much thought or energy into reviewing profiles or building any type of relationship.  Well...she said that she was going to set up her profile and I reluctantly said that I would take the challenge and experience this site again.

I was a little hesitant at first to re-sign up with the site, but after I immediately started getting responses and after a 20% off coupon was sent to my inbox, I decided to bite the bullet and actually pay for the site.  I figured that if nothing else, y'all would get a few kicks out of my experience.  Let's see how it goes this time...

Bright Side:  I'm pleasantly surprised with the feedback that I've been receiving.  I'm not putting anything on it, but it's a positive start.  Oh, and guess whose profile I came across when the service put us as a 99% match?  Out of guesses?  I saw Rick's profile (from "Worth All Those".  According to the site and myself, we're a match but too bad he didn't see it that way.  Oh well!  Not my problem.  Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about one of the first messages that I got and why it was so out of the ordinary.  See ya tomorrow!