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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Just a little goes a long way...

the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

–verb (used with object)

to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
–verb (used without object)
to feel that something desired may happen

So if you're single (and want to be in a relationship), [I believe] hope is one of the most important things that you can have.  Actually...if you've ever wanted anything at any point in time, hope & faith go hand in hand.  You have to have faith that whatever you ask for or whatever you are hoping for, you will receive in due time.

A really good friend & I were talking one day and she expressed that she has been in a dating slump.  She admitted that she doesn't really get out at all because of work and her new exercise regimen, and that the dates that she goes on are double dates...with her couch & her tv.  I kept telling her that the only way to meet people is to get out of the house.  The only person that she was going to meet staying at home was the delivery takeout person! Well, when my cousin told me about an event that she was hosting, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to invite "Chelsea" out. We went to a speed dating event that my cousin, Orissa Bey of Possibilities Unlimited, was hosting.  Now, we went to her first speed dating event a couple of years ago but Chelsea just sat back and watched. [The only thing that happened for me was that a guy who I'd talked to before was trying to reconnect WHILE his current girlfriend was getting a drink at the bar.] Anyway, Chelsea agreed to meet me there and actually participate this time.

For me, I took the advice of my cousin [and Beyonce] and put my "Freak 'em" dress on for the night.  I was glad that I did because when I got to the venue, my eyes immediately lit up because there were about 15 guys placed at tables around the room (last time there were like 5) and most were handsome.  I get into the rotation, because Chelsea hadn't made it yet, and most of the conversations left me wanting to know more about the guy.  5 minutes started to feel like 2 seconds, and that's pretty rare.  After I have my "date" with the 6th guy, Chelsea walks in.  Every now and again I'll look up and see Chelsea talking to a guy and she actually looks like she's having a good time.  At the end of the last round, Chelsea and I meet up and she's SUPER excited.  She's so happy that she came.  In fact, she was SO pumped that she wanted to give her number to every guy that she talked to.  (After the ladies went on a "date" with the guy, we had to write their number on the back of a slip of paper with our name & phone number and/or email address and they would get it in their bag at the end of the night)

On Saturday, Chelsea BBM'd me to let me know that 2 of the guys had already contacted her.  She was really excited about the experience until they started to work her nerves a couple of days later with little things that they did.  We had a conversation today about the whole situation and for me it put it all into perspective.  She felt like she was on a super high from the experience that has started to wear off and one of the men that she met isn't really what she wants.  I tried to explain to her that it's okay to feel that way.  There is never a 100% (or even 75%) chance that you will find your mate at these events.  When I go to any event, I never know who I'll meet.  Sometimes it gets to be really discouraging when you meet or go out with different guys and they continue to not be a good match for you.  For me, what the Cupids Cousin and Possibilities Unlimited events do is give me opportunity and hope.  They give me the opportunity to meet someone that I normally wouldn't have the opportunity to meet and the hope that there is someone out there who is the ying to my yang, the end all be all, my last first kiss, etc. He might be there [at that event] or he might not be...regardless, it's a new experience and a great opportunity to get out there and meet new people.  When you go into these events with that mindset, you don't leave with any crushed expectations or disappointments...but you should leave with a little more hope.  Hope that the next time might be THAT time or hope that there are some good guys out there and yours is still out there looking for you. 

**As for me, I cast my net pretty wide and picked about 7 guys that I was interested in getting to knowing a little more about (even one who came late and I didn't get the opportunity to talk to but was very handsome lol).  I saw my top pick later that night at my RD's birthday party and he seemed to be pretty interested in me as well.  We'll see if he becomes blog-worthy later on...but no expectations other than to get to know the guys that contact me and see what happens next... (See y'all...I'm growing!)  I left the event with such a positive energy high that I took with me into the birthday party.  I had much more of a good time and I was even approached a lot more!  It's amazing how people are drawn to a positive aura...but I'm sure the dress didn't hurt ;)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Told Ya So! (Update)

Y'all Miss Cleo ain't got nuttin' on me!!! Remember the guy from "The Double Stuff"?  You know, the one who decided that "he wasn't trying to hear" me tell him that I didn't want to communicate with him anymore.  Well, today he decides to send me a text message and the converstation goes like this:

Wally: Hey babe how are you?
Me: **no answer**
W: ??????
M: I'm good
W: Wow you gonna be short with me?  I'm coming to Houston tomorrow. Can I come see you?
M: I have plans
W: Like always!! So can I see you?
M: No
W: Good
M: You do know that when I sent that other text, I'm done and prefer to cease communication, right?
W: I got you. I'll delete your number. Nice meeting you
M: Nice meeting you too! You take care...
W: You must have found you someone huh?
M: I hope you find what you're looking for and have a good day.
W: Did you find a man is what I'm asking?
M: Nope, I'm just not that into you and I don't want to waste anymore of my time or yours.  Have a great day!  (I know that was a little harsh but I don't know how many other ways to politely say that we've come to the end of this road)

My question is how did he not get that from my last text message (LAST WEEK) that I was done?  I thought that I was pretty direct.  And why is it that I don't want to talk to him because I have a man?  Why can't it be that I'm just not that into him? 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A State of Confusion (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)

Greetings!  Today has been a really good day so far...Whataburger was giving out free breakfast sandwiches, my boss has been out all afternoon, and suprisingly I had a pretty good lunch date.  Yep...I said it correctly, I actually enjoyed myself on my lunch date (that I didn't go on with myself lol).  I, in fact, went to lunch with a guy that my friend/line sister ambushed introduced me to at a friend's wedding on Memorial Day.  He's her husband's coworker. 

This is how the (short) story goes, I was at the table talking to some college friends when she walks (sprints) up to me and whispers in my ear "Here comes [my husband]'s coworker please don't be mad at me but I thought you would hit it off."  They do brief introductions and they go over to the other side of the room.  AMBUSH!!!!  Anyway, we talk for about 20-30 minutes (while they are looking at us from across the dance floor) and he gets my BB pin and we go out seperate ways.  The next day he texts and we speak briefly because it's Memorial Day and of course I have a tight schedule of activities planned.  Well...the next day he asked for my email so that we could communicate during the workday and I send it.  Umm...bad idea on my part.  He started sending these emails with like 5 questions per email for me to, in his words, "respond and reply with my own set of questions."  I entertain this for maybe 2 emails until it started to get really annoying.  I understand wanting to get to know someone, but there is NO way that you are going to learn everything about someone via email in such a short period of time.  Then one day I didn't answer an email, so he sent a text and when I didn't answer the text, he send a BBM (Blackberry Message).  Immediately I thought, "What did I get myself into?" 

It got to a point where I felt like I was being bombarded so i just sent an email stating the way I felt and he started to slow it down.  THANK GOODNESS!  After this, I started to become a little more receptive to the texts and emails.  We made a plan to go to lunch after church on Sunday, but due to the fact that my mother hijacked & kidnapped my stylist for majority of the morning, I didn't finish getting my hair done until late so we had to reschedule.  (yes, I gave a 2 hour notice to let him know...gotta practice what I preach!)  So, today was the day for the rescheduled lunch.

We met at a restaurant and I kept in mind the advice that my friend and my cousin gave me, "Just go and have fun...don't put anything on it, don't think too hard, just let go..." and that's what I did and guess what?  I actually enjoyed myself.  I allowed myself to open up (a little) and communicate.  We talked about current schedules, life plans, family, church, etc and it wasn't bad at all. Matter of fact, it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be.  Because of everything that had happened in the beginning, I had already (kinda) written him into a (maybe) friend (more like associate) category.  But, now I don't see it as anything but a refreshing lunch date.  He opened doors, pulled out chairs, blessed the food, WASHED HIS HANDS BEFORE HE ATE, helped me out of my chair, AND paid for the food without his card being declined (lol...I had to throw that in there). 

Do I feel like he's "The One"?  Nope, but it doesn't matter because that's not why I was there and that's not what I was looking for.  For the first time, in a long time, I didn't go looking for anything...I was there to get to know another person and have a good time and it feels pretty darn good! 

Bright Side:  It actually re-charged my dating battery.  If nothing comes of it, so what!  At least now I know that it is possible to have a pleasant dating experience.  Maybe I should've listened to them earlier lol

Monday, June 21, 2010

A State of Confusion... (Part I: )

Hope that everyone had an outstanding Father-Figure's Day weekend!  So...I forgot to mention something last week that is more important than anything that I've posted on here before...ready for it?  I.WAS.ACCEPTED.INTO.GRADUATE.SCHOOL!!!! Yay! I'm so excited!  I've been pushing this back for 5 years, but I'm proud of myself for following through this time.  It's a scary thought to be back in a classroom after 5 years, but I think I'm ready for it.  I'm comfortable with my chosen career path (Public Administration) and I'm psyched to see how I'll be challenged by my future professors.  I think that it will be a good experience for me and I can't wait to start in September!!!

Now that I have the wheels turning on that one, I have another confession...I am in a state of CONFUSION!!!  Even when I tell myself that I'm not going to focus on relationships and whatnot my mind still goes there.  For example, I was reading the July issue of Essence and I saw that the Relationship Editor, Demetria Lucas, took a dating challenge given to her by her boss.  The challenge was to allow a friend, her mom, and her boss chose a date for her. Now, after I read the article I started getting super excited.  The little hampster in my head started to sprint in her little hampster wheel...what co-worker would I trust to set me up with a guy? Am I really ready to invite my mother into my personal/romantic life?  My friends and I have COMPLETELY different taste when it comes to men so do I really want to go down that route? 

After I decided that I might try 2 out of the 3 set-up schemes, I informed a co-worker at my part-time job of his (he's gay) task.  That night, a guy comes into the store and we (I) started talking about all things East Coast (I love New York...would pick up & move there tomorrow if I could).  Well my co-worker saw this random conversation as the opportunity for him to blurt out "You know that thing that you asked me to do? I choose him!" Loud & right in his face.  Immediately I start to see this whole thing as a very bad idea.  So the guy sees that as his opportunity to make his move & ask for my number.  After the guy left the store, I had to inform my co-worker that I wasn't even attracted to the guy (at all) and that I talk to everyone like I was talking to him.  I'll talk to anyone about anything...and he knows this.  Fast Forward to today.  The guy sends texts everyday and asks me about my day, he is constantly asking me out & trying to make plans.  We went to breakfast on Saturday morning and he wanted to sit and talk and I was just ready to go after I ate my food. I can tell that he's a genuinely good guy but I just don't feel that he's the good guy for me.

The confusion comes in because I'm not sure if I should just give him a chance, even though I'm not attracted to him physically or mentally, or if I should put both of us out of our misery by letting him know that it just isn't going to work out.  I constantly go back and forth wondering if I'm really giving someone a chance of if I'm writing them off too quickly because they aren't who I envisioned myself with.  I know that God has someone for me but I also know that God might send him in a package that I might not be expecting...

Your thoughts?

I'll have "A State of Confusion... (Part II: The Man With A Thousand Questions)" for you tomorrow.  I'm going to lunch with a guy that my line sister ambused introduced me to at a friend's wedding. 

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Double Stuff...

Before I begin my post for today, I have to send a shout-out to my friends at Cupids Cousin for hosting a wonderful event last night!  I got there a little (a lot) early because I had to leave to go to dinner, but I wanted to make sure that I supported them and their efforts to decrease the number of young, professional, single men and women in the Houston area. 

Cupids Cousin partners: Angela Jones & Jasmine Boone

The concept of this event was that everyone would receive a card with LOVE on one side and WAR on the other.  When someone walks up to you they will ask "Love or War?"  If you answer "LOVE", they would ask you a "safe" question, but if you answered "WAR", you would get a more controversial question.  I love going to their events because their concepts are so unique and that is very refreshing.  I even had the opportunity to try out my DJ skills (before the crowd arrived)...

I need a couple more lessons...but I looked cute practicing! lol

So after I left Love & War, I went to my friend's house for dinner.  After dinner (and after I convinced them to watch the NBA Finals game), I received a text message from someone who just doesn't understand when it's time to part ways.  This is the story: (get comfortable because this isn't a short story)

About a month and a half ago I went out with a guy.  Dinner and the conversation was nice but I think that we would just be better as friends.  Well after I got home from dinner, I started to get ready to call it a night when I started thinking of a few things that I needed to pick up from the store.  Suddenly, I got this burst of energy and decided to right then (it was about 10:30 at me crazy!) go to the store.  So I go and get what I need and I'm standing in line.  All of a sudden I see a guy move from the other lane to my lane (you know I was using my peripheral vision to try to see what he looked like lol).  Well the guy (lets call him Wally) gets my attention and we have a brief converstation (Wally wasn't unattractive so I entertained the conversation).  I leave out and go to my car and once I get situated, I start to pull out.  Just as I was pulling out to leave, Wally & his cousin walk out of the store and he gets my attention.  Wally & I exchange numbers and I go home to unload my groceries.  Wally texts me that night and we converse for a while and he seems like a cool person.  The only bad thing, so far, is that Wally lives in Dallas.  That is a no bueno!  I decide to just see where it goes.  Wally and I talk all day every day for about a week.  I'm really starting to feel Wally because we have a lot in common and he just seems like a really cool guy until...the "Double Stuff".  I told Wally from the start that I have a full time job and a part time job on top of other events and activities so my time is somewhat limited.  Well Wally will send me a text message and if I don't answer after 7-9 minutes, Wally will start sending "are you ignoring me" texts.  Then if I text Wally, he might not answer for maybe 7-8 hours and think it's fine...that's an issue for me.  I'm not the nagging type of female, I HATE to feel like I'm nagging someone but this was a reoccuring issue so I felt that I needed to say something.  If I call Wally, he won't answer the phone, but send a text that he's doing something, but I don't answer my phone then Wally starts calling & calling then send texts asking why I'm not answering my phone.  Matter of fact, I said something twice and everytime he was like "I understand and I won't do it again."    After about 3 weeks, Wally and I decide that we are going to meet in the middle of Houston & Dallas.  The day comes and Wally is like I might get off later than I expected so I will let you know at 1p what's going on.  1pm comes & goes, 2 pm comes & goes, by the time 3pm gets here I just decide to go on with my afternoon.  Wally doesn't decide to contact me until close to 5pm.  And what does he do?  He calls and when I don't answer he goes on a texting frenzy.  Wally asks me to come to Dallas to come see him?  HA HA NINJA NO! Life doesn't work like that. When I finally decide to respond, he says that he's just going to come the next weekend to Houston.  By this time I have a real nonchalant "whatever" attitude because I know that something will come up.  The weekend approaches and I ask Wally if he's still coming to Houston and he starts with the excuses...then he gets mad at me for not offering to come there to see him.  Now, when Wally and I first started communicating, I told him that I'm not chasing after any man.  I also told Wally that I was hosting my sister's birthday party that weekend and that I was going to be unavailable until about 7p or 8p...he conveniently forgot. 

I guess you can say that the straw that broke the camel's back is when he text me the night of the birthday party.  He asked me what I was doing and I responded that I was at home watching a movie.  His next question was if I was watching it with a man.  Now, me having the smart mouth that I have and remembering that I told him that this is not a relationship and that we are open & free to date whomever we please, I told him that I was too tired to entertain.  Wally didn't like that answer so his next question was if I wasn't too tired, would I be entertaining a man and my response was yes, if I want to entertain a man at my apartment then yes I would be.  Wally really didn't like the answer to that question so he ended the conversation abruptly.  I wasn't phased so I turned around and went to sleep.  The next day I sent Wally a text and he didn't answer so I sent "THAT" text to him a little later.  By "THAT" text, I mean the text (that should really be a phone conversation) that says that it's just not going to work out so it's better to just move around.  Well, Wally didn't respond so I just thought he was either fine with it or was avoiding contact because his ego was bruised.  Yeah right!  On Monday I get a call from Wally just shooting the breeze.  He fixes his mouth to say "I lost my phone so I had to get a new one.  I bet you were blowing up my phone, huh?" I had to laugh a little because I've never blown up his phone before, why would I start now?  Was he that delirious?  I just respond no. I asked him if he received my text message and he said no and rushed me off the phone.  That's cool with me...I just went down my Blackberry screen to find the original text and hit resend.  Again, I don't hear anything from Wally until...last night.  Wally sends me a text saying that he misses me and just needs to see me and asks me to come to Dallas. what world does " was good meeting you but I can't do this. I hope that you find what you are looking for..." translate to I want you to extend an offer for me to come to Dallas...again?  So I politely resend the message (for the THIRD time) and he responds that he's not trying here that and asks me to come again.  I'm just frustrated by this time so I call to tell him and after I tell him that it's just not going to work out, he hangs up the phone on me.  I thought that was the funniest thing ever!  I'm halfway expecting to get a text or a phone call this weekend?

Bright Side: I'm glad that I got out after a month & a half instead of earlier.  No telling how he would have reacted if we were months in...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A mind is...

I've been meaning to put these thoughts on (virtual) paper for the past two weeks but you know how life goes...  Anyway, a couple of things have been going on and I just felt like it was time to write about it. 

Background: I was an only child for about 14 years, which means that I am spoiled loved dearly.  It also means that I had to develop an imagination because a lot of the times I had to play with myself, since I was surrounded by grown-ups. seems as if this imagination has followed me into my adult years.

Before I decided to direct my focus on continuing my education and working on the career that I want, I was really consumed with being in a relationship and having that constant companionship.  Don't get me wrong, I always have my friends & my family to hang out with but sometimes I want to go to a concert, dinner, movie, etc. with someone that I can cuddle, kiss, etc. at the end of the night.  During this period, my mind (imagination) would run wild and ultimately set me up for failure & disappointment.

For example:
For a friend's birthday, my RD and I went to a club to celebrate with him and others.  We were on the dance floor and I saw an attractive guy walk past us.  A few minutes later, he was right behind us.  Eventually, we started talking and we ended up talking the entire night (in the club).  The club was crowded so when people would bump us, he would put his arm around me and pull me into him to prevent me from being pushed around. mind took this and ran with it.  From the conversation that we had and just those few interactions I just liked him sooo much.  You mind started running with the few details that he gave me and he was just the perfect guy.  (In my mind) I built him up to be a prince...when in reality he was not.  On our first date we went bowling and that was cool.  But our second date was not.  In fact, it was so HORRIBLE that I tweeted the experience!  First, he didn't feel it necessary to tell me that he was going to be over 30 minutes late, then after being 45 minutes late he decided to change our meeting place to a location that was about 15 minutes from where we originally planned to meet.  (I was going to just cancel, but I was encouraged to just go anyway)  After that madness, he called to ask me where I was and what was taking me so long to get to meeting place #2.  I finally get there and this ninja also didn't feel it necessary to brush, trim, cut his facial hair or the hair on top of his head.  He was straight SCRUFFY!! I mention that it would be nice for him to inform me of when he's running late and he looks at me like I'm crazy and blames it on the traffic.  (Umm...yea that's fine but a text or phone call would still be nice)  **Note: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an inconsiderate person.  Someone who is inconsiderate of someone else's time, property, feelings, etc runs me hot!!** So anyway, I walk into the restaurant and we walk to a table with his family.  I'm thinking that we are going to watch the NBA semi-finals but we're actually going to a birthday dinner with his fam. Again, some notice would be nice.  The evening ended with us finally going to watch the game and I left after about 10 mins.  (I wanted to make a detour and go straight home after dinner, but my cousin said that would be rude) Needless to say, I was more than disappointed.  My mind had built him up to be more than he really was instead of me just going with the flow and getting to know him before I really formed an opinion of how much (or little) I was feeling him. The funny thing is that the fortune that I got that night said that I was going to have an enjoyable experience in the near future...still waiting! lol

Another example:
There is a guy who lives right down the hall from me.  My friends and I have nicknamed him "cute neighbor."  I first ran into CN the first week I moved in.  He had a hat on and a tank and my eyes went directly for the arms (I'm a sucker for some nice arms).  I would see CN every now and again, but I always saw him from far away or in gym attire.  Well...last week CN and I passed each other in the hall and guess what?  CN was not what I thought that he was AT ALL!  He and I spoke and he smiled and it just didn't do anything for me.  It left me wondering what happened to the guy that (in my mind) I thought was so cute?  Now when I pass his door I don't secretly hope that he's coming in or out so we can bump into each other.  His nickname has been changed to **silence**.

Bright Side:  There are many more examples of how my imagination has crashed & burned, but I guess now I realized that all that I'm letting my mind do for me is set me up for a huge disappointment.  The mind is very powerful, but I have to keep it under control.  I'm trying to go slow (which is SUPER hard for me) and take my time.  I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do believe that I'm getting there...slowly but surely.