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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Never Can Say Goodbye...

Happy day before Friday! I hope that all is well!  I was going to blog about something completely different but after the Facebook message that I received last night, I felt that it was a necessity to share.  So I’m driving home from bible study and I get a notification on my phone.  I miss the first part, but the second part of the message reads “to see you.”  (When I get to a stoplight) I check the entire message and it says “I’ll be there next week on business if you have some free time it would be nice to see you.” Now, this message would be exciting and send butterflies racing through my stomach IF it weren’t from THAT ex.  You know who THAT ex is…the one ex who you put so much time and effort into and it ended in a way that was completely different from what you expected.  I’ll give you a little background…

I met “Eric” through a friend of mine in college.  It was the semester after I found out about my high school boyfriend and his secret daughter/relationship (see Comeback Season...).  I wasn’t completely attracted to Eric at first, but something drew me to him.  Maybe it was the “bad boy” persona that he successfully made everyone believe…I don’t know what it was.  Anyway, I found out pretty quickly that I wasn’t as bad-apple as I thought I was in dealing with men.  I allowed Eric to manipulate me and my relationships with my family and friends.  I can count (on more than one hand) the number of times that I caught him with another female (or females) and just living a very shady and dishonest life.  He was disrespectful to me and to my friends, but I stayed and endured that unhealthy relationship for 3 years.  I always allowed him to give me his version of the story and I always ended up going back.  Closer to the end of our relationship, he started to move closer to the right path but the damage had already been done.  I played with fire so long that I was immune to the pain…I just didn’t care anymore.  I started entertaining other guys, choosing being with my friends over being with him, and I started to pull away.  I remember one time we were in his hometown and he wanted to go ring shopping.  I entertained him, but what should have been a happy, promising, and emotional time turned into an afternoon of my faux smiles and my body void of all emotion.  Everything had to be about him and what he wanted…and I just couldn’t live a miserable life like that.  After my graduation, I did something that probably wasn’t the most thoughtful action but it was my ticket out.  Once I moved back to Houston, he would send me good morning texts, so one day I just decided to send him a “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore” text. ( I know I was wrong, but I had to do it)  He tried to call a number of times but I was a coward…I wouldn’t respond.  I had to get out of that situation and get out of it FAST!!! I had already spent 3 years disregarding a lot of warning signs and chasing what I thought I wanted and I had finally woken up and wanted out!  Finally, a couple of weeks later I spoke to Eric and I just told him that I couldn’t do it anymore and that was the end.  (I think my family and friends threw a secret party because they were both glad that this was over! My grandfather seems to think that he is the reason that I’ve been single for the 6 years since…)  He wanted to be friends and I just didn’t see the point.  I tried it out and he just saw it as an opportunity to “show me what I was missing”  but all it really did was make me realize that we aren’t friends and I didn't care what was really going on in his life.  I mean...I didn't wish him hard, but I also didn't care to hear about the details of his life.  (Let me get the bullet points if we happen to cross paths in public...know what I mean?)  He would tell me how he and his new girlfriend were going to get married on an island with other friends and I was like congratulations (as I reached into the refrigerator looking for a snack lol).  I finally told him that we weren’t friends and we would never be friends…he had done too much damage for us to ever be able to go down that route.  He (said that he) understood and that was it.  I deleted him as a FB friend a year or so ago because he wanted to send chat messages and I’m no longer “faking the funk.”  Now, his sister and I do touch bases every now and again because I really loved his family, but that’s the extent of our communication.

Funny thing is that we had mutual friends in college who I still keep in contact with.  At one of their baby showers, I found myself answering questions that they have always wondered.  Eric was a liar…A COMPULSIVE LIAR!  And I guess I helped clear up some of the lies.  The one that had me counting my blessings was about the young lady that he kept telling me that he was going to marry.  Supposedly he told the girl that he was going to move to Houston, so she packed up her things and moved to Houston too.  Only thing is…he didn’t move.  Yea…crazy right!   

Anyway, when I received the message I immediately thought “Why is he reaching out to me?  Didn’t he get the hint when I deleted the FB friendship or when I told him that I didn’t want to be his friend?  My other thought was does he think that I’m going to entertain him?  Or is there some type of closure that he needs to get?  Either way…I’m not too thrilled about meeting up with him and I don’t think that I want to.  That’s my dilemma…to meet up or not to meet up?  I don’t harbor any ill-feelings towards him or our situation (anymore).  I just want to be. I guess he never can say goodbye...

So that’s what I need help with…what do you think that I should do?

Bright Side:  I have blog readers with very strong opinions who don’t mind giving me their advice.  And the people that I know personally will send me text messages or call me with their advice instead of writing it here on the blog (hint, hint)! :)


  1. You have to ask yourself, what do I have to gain from meeting up with him? If you two aren't really friends, then there really isn't much to talk about. I haven't read anything in this post that would make me believe that you want together with him and stroll down memory lane. He probably just wants to see if he even has a half a chance. Not that you would be interested in him, but you know THOSE kinds of exes always want to be wanted. His expiration date has already passed, therefore I say, don't go. If he just wants to talk, he can send you a message on FB!

  2. I think the real question is why are you considering seeing him?

  3. J Mac - this is true...I don't know what I I would say or if I would be able to keep my composure in listening to his lies.

    Anonymous - I don't know...I guess I kinda felt like I would look bitter since my reactions are always negative. But, I am justified in feeling the way I feel so that really shouldn't matter.

  4. Please, please, please, DO NOT see him. I was so glad when you & "Eric" called it quits!

  5. One question, what is seeing him going to accomplish? Nothing!!!