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Monday, June 13, 2011

"A peace that surpasses all understanding..."

As promised, here is the recap from this weekend's festivities. I first have to give major shout outs to my support team for the weekend (and for life). If you don't have any girl friends who are on your team, then you are truly missing out! I was having two of the worst anxiety attacks ever over seeing Mr. BIS-D this weekend and my support team was there and had my back. So, I have to call them out by name: Ashlee, Jontae, Angela, Cicely, Tiffany (she's my beauty SME), and my fav blogger, OneChele (she helped calm my nerves via Twitter DM). I think I would have been a basket case if it they weren't in my corner. It's so funny because I had myself all worked up and for nothing. It was so bad that it put me into a 6 am yoga class this morning (FYI...6 am yoga is not my friend!), but I do feel more centered and relaxed. I do have an update to the BIS-D post and I know a few people who are going to be upset. Not upset that I have an update but upset that I didn't fill them in when it happened...but I'll take that risk because I wanted to share it with everyone at the same time.
After these few days stressing myself out unnecessarily, I decided that I needed to take control of myself (and my situation) before I drove myself crazy. I figured that if the outcome of what happened with BIS-D bothered me so much, then (if I felt that I was strong enough) I would say something...and I did. I sent him a text and we had a very productive conversation. (Note: I've been scolded a time or two about having major conversations via text but I express myself better through writing than I ever could in person. It's the most effective way for me to say everything I want to say in the way that I want to say it. I have to use what works for me) I sent him a message expressing how I was a tad bit relieved that we didn't see each other and he responded that he was sorry to hear that, it would've been nice to see me, and that he'll respect my space and if we do ever find our self around each other. Now although that's pretty much what I said, I didn't really mean it like that (so much for my writing being more effective approach lol). So I decided to go a little deeper. I explained that I'm a lot better now than I was then and that I understand that I put myself into an unhealthy situation and that the best way that I could get out and stay out was by cutting all contact. It was a hard decision, but it was one that I had to make for myself. It wasn't like I didn't want to see him, it just would've been awkward since we hadn't communicated in such a long time. He reminded me that the lack of communication came from my side and that he could take a hint (see...I told ya he's the type of person to not press the issue...which is how I needed it to be). He then said something that I think that I really needed to hear...even if it's over a year later. He said that he had his part in it and he contributed to the situation. He took responsibility and that he's glad that I'm in a better place. Can we all say sigh of relief/woo-sah? It felt like a huge bolder had been lifter off my shoulders. I don't know exactly what it is or was, but I felt at peace. Anyway, we chit-chatted about catching up with things that's happened over the past year, but I did let him know that this won't be the last time that we communicate because I do miss our friendship. He said that he never had a problem with it (I don't know he meant the friendship or the communication) but that he guess that he was the problem (BINGO buddy!). Then I got to say what I really needed to say: that I questioned his friendship because the extra and his inability to step in as my friend to end things when he saw it wasn't a healthy situation...that was the root of the issue. I felt like the friendship was a sham. Although I did express the things that I felt that he did, it was important (for me) that he knew that I took responsibility for being grown and not following my intuition. With that, we agreed that hindsight is 20/20 and ended on a positive note.

Bright Side: I feel a lot better. We didn't discuss where our friendship is headed...we didn't need to. I'm just taking it one day at a time and not a pace faster. I feel that whatever is set for the fate of our friendship is set and I would rather the chips fall as they may.


  1. Yay! With all the nerves gone now! We had a good time at the festivities. Glad you had the conversation even though I gave you the side eye at first. I know you miss the friendship just make sure you are ready to handle it again. Here for you always! Love ya!

    P.S. You were very cute Saturday! Friday also but I know Saturday was the big day.

  2. Well, I'm glad you had folk that had your back & calm you down, my warning has been & always will be beware of what is considered friendship... It only works with both parties know what's expected & are on the same page... And with that one... that has been one of the biggest issues, And having being that guy on the opposite side before sometimes it's just easier to tell you what you want to hear rather than deviate you with the truth although you think you can handle it... Trust me... You really can't