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Friday, June 10, 2011

So Anxious...

This weekend will be a very busy one for me.  I have 10 year high school reunion activities, 2 birthday parties, an art exhibit, a movie night at the park, and a baby shower to attend.  This wouldn't be so bad (since my weekends are usually jam packed like this), but this weekend in particular I know that I will be in the same space as the guy from Before I Self-Destruct.... If you don't remember him or again if you're new to The Bright Side... feel free to catch up by clicking on the link. 

I haven't seen him in over a year and we haven't really had any real communication since the last time we saw each other and I made the decision to end our (pseudo) friendship.  So why am I so nervous? I don't know.  My friends don't seem to really understand, shoot I don't even really understand why I'm so nervous.  It's really like a nervous-excited-unsure energy and I really wish it would go away.  I'm sure that I'm putting more on this inevitable meeting than it deserves, but I can't seem to knock it.  I think the underlying issue is that I feel like even after a year of minimal contact (1-2 emails/a birthday one-liner), I have a fear that my feelings have not gone anywhere.  I try to remind myself of the reasons why I ended our friendship, but they don't stick.  I know that I'm stronger than this situation, but my greatest fear is that I will end up right back in the same dangerous cycle that I know will probably put me in a much worse headspace than I was in last year.  Ahhh...I don't know!  I really hope that I've gained the strength that I need over the past year to do what I need to do and handle the situation accordingly. 

I'll keep you updated via Twitter (@Vonne716) or on the blog on Monday.  I promise, I'll let you all know what happens!

Have a happy & safe weekend!

Bright Side:  I have my squad of people that I can call to keep me straight...let's just hope that they answer the phone! Lol

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