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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Performance Anxiety

Morning and happy hump day!  I have a confession...I suffer from performance anxiety.  Not in the way that you're thinking, but in another way.  I'll give you the scenario and let you give me the advice.  Here we go...

Like most people on Saturday night, I went to a fight party with my cousin/sister/friend.  We were the first guests to arrive so we were just sitting on the couch watching the pre-pre fight.  As we were sitting, I don't know what came over me but I just turned and asked our host's husband if he had any attractive friends coming.  He kinda looked a little thrown off and responded with I have 2 of my best friends coming...but you'll have to determine how attractive they are because I don't look at them like that. Lol Of course not!  (But I'm sure that our host was happy to know that he's not asking other men if they have something in their eye...reference from the movie "Cover".)  Anyway...he mentions that one is single and the other is married (so now I have to discreetly look for a wedding band or a wedding band tan).  Great!  I'm up for a challenge!  So, after having my eyes glued to the door every time they left to escort another guest into their home, he finally comes in.  Only problem is that after that bold conversation that I started, an overwhelming feeling of shame comes over my body.  So much so that I can't even look at the guy.  So, I turn to my CSF and tell her that I can't look at him and she [strongly] suggests that I at least look at him to see if I'm attracted to him or not.  Well...after another 10-15 minutes of scrolling through my Twitter timeline [plug: follow me at @Vonne716 for real time updates], the pre-fight comes on and i'm given an excuse to look up.  As we all engage in a conversation about how old Sugar Shane is and the poor spending habits of athletes, I finally look at him.  He's attractive and very well-spoken. 

I don't provide much one on one conversation, but we have enough.  I admit that I do find him attractive but that's the extent of it.  Since we are in a group of people (and he's sitting in another chair across from me), it's kinda hard to have an intimate conversation...or even put yourself in a position to be (for lack of a better word) courted.  Well...the big fight ends and he excuses himself to the restroom right as we are leaving.  In my opinion, if he was interested then he could've offered to walk out with us and an exchange of numbers could have happened then...but it didn't. In the car, CSF expressed that she didn't feel that I really gave him the feeling that I was interested since I didn't really engage in a lot of conversation with him.  I don't know...I felt that I did.  Anyway, it was brought to the attention of the hosts that I thought he was attractive but that's where it ended.

Bright Side:  I don't know...I just didn't feel like "Oh my goodness! I just really need to pursue this further!".  Maybe because I'm in one of my "If he was interested then he would've found a way to approach me" kind of moods.  I'm just tired of approaching...especially when it yields the same results.  This can (and probably will) change, but as far as right now...he has been left in Saturday.  If our paths somehow cross again, I hope he has his big boy pants on because, although I might have a more to say, I'm not volunteering any of my numeric contact information...he has to ask for it. 

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