Happy Friday! I believe the last I blogged, I alluded to Rick reaching out and contacting me. This is what happened...
A couple of months ago, I was walking in the tunnel (a place in Downtown Houston that is underground and filled with restaurants and shops) and I happened to run into a good friend of mine...we'll call him Paul. Now, Paul and I "talked/dated" many moons ago but we're still pretty good friends. Paul was talking to some friends when I spoke and he started walking with me in the tunnel since we were going the same way. Apparently while we were walking, Rick saw us. (You know how you just have a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you're going to see someone that you know...I had that feeling as soon as Paul and I started walking together.) I just knew that we were going to run into Rick, but it didn't matter to me because Rick "dropped his dime". Paul and I go to our respective lunch choices and that was it.
A couple of weeks later, I was walking in the tunnel again with one of our interns and Rick walks up on the side of me and speaks. When I get back to my desk, I receive a text from Rick saying that he didn't know how things went sour between us but that I looked nice, blah, blah, blah. Funny, right? The thing is that things weren't "sour", I just stopped putting effort into something that he wasn't investing any energy too. I politely explained my stance and how I'd given him a warning that I wasn't going to chase or nag him about anything...I was going to just move around. Rick wasted no time telling me that he saw me walking with Paul and that I ignored him. I didn't even see him! I just nicely explained that if he would've been doing what he was supposed to do, I would've been walking with him. He understood and I can say that things have been going a lot better.
Bright Side: Things with Rick are still...developing. His communication is a lot better and we've hung out a lot more frequently than before. I have been doing a lot better at being more flexible and going with the flow (which is a huge accomplishment for me). We'll see where this friendship goes... Stay tuned to next week...my friend/line sister has a very interesting Saturday night planned for me.
So last you read, Rick & I exchanged numbers. On that following Monday, Rick and I conversed (via text) throughout the day and he made me laugh...a lot! Normally, I prefer a mix of actual phone conversations and texts, but we were both at work so it was cool. I learned that he was 25 (OMG I felt like Stella). I was a little concerned about that 4 year difference because at this point in our lives, 4 years is a big difference when the female is older (in my opinion). It may explain why things happened the way that they happened. Anyway, the texting continued throughout the week so I decide that enough is enough and I called. When I called, Rick answered and we chatted for about 3-5 minutes before he says that he's going into the store and he'll call me back. Now, I talk on the phone wherever I am so this raises a bit my brow a bit...especially when he never called back (STRIKE 1). I keep it moving with my expectations being pretty low for the survival of this "situation". A connect hooked me and a friend up with some tickets to a music event the next Friday. I'd already asked Rick if he wanted to go because one of the performers was one of his favs. Friday comes up and I don't hear from Rick at all. I called and text him but no answer. At this point I'm getting pretty pissed because I could've asked someone else to come with me. About 30 mins before the first act hits the stage, I get a call from Rick saying that he was sleep, he forgot, but he'll be on his way. So now let's add irritated to pissed and you get me. Luckily, my friend and her sister were there and they kept me laughing the entire time. Finally, Rick makes his way to the venue and I give him his pass to get in. When we get to our section, things go a lot better. My friend's sister starts asking Rick questions and he's a good sport while answering them. This is pretty great since my friends have been known to go into interrogation mode, so it's good that his skin is thick enough to handle meeting them in the future (if there is a future). So the whole time that we're listening to the music, Rick is flirting and saying things that should make me go all "goo-goo eyed", but I'm all about the action. The subject came up about communication and I expressed that I need a combination of seeing, speaking, and texting. At the end of the night, my friend left with her sister a little early so Rick drove me to my office to pick up my car. My keys were on my desk, so I thought that Rick was going to just drop me off at the door to my office. Instead, he drove me down and into the garage. I was super surprised to see him still there when I came out of the building. I thought it was super sweet that he waited until I got into my car safely before he followed me out. (Forget swag, I'm a sucker for a true gentleman...with nice arms and a great smile!)
So, another week goes by with no initiation of communication by him (STRIKE 2). It started to seem that I was the only the one that's really putting in work and I'm starting to get bored with this situation. My relationship philosophy is the way things start are the way things finish. I don't know if Rick started feeling my vibe, but he asked me to lunch the next week. We met up for lunch and it went pretty well. I think that Rick was a bit irritated with me because I paid for my own food. I usually stick with the philosophy that whoever asked, pays but I've been in more than one situation where I let the guy go to the window first and the horrible words "one please!" were uttered. So I wouldn't have to endure that again, I just pulled out my card and paid for my food. After lunch, we walked around a bit and he dropped me off at my office and I went inside. On our walk back from lunch, we were just talking and somehow my dating/life philosophies came up. I mentioned (again) my unwillingness to chase men and that I'll express my needs once or twice but I won't nag anyone. I have the courtesy to listen to the needs of others so I expect the same in return. I also mentioned that although my life can be a whirlwind of events, works, community service, and family/friend obligations, I make time for who/what I want to make time for. Rick asked if I would make time for him and my response was "sure".
The final straw was when I called Rick the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend to see if he wanted to catch the Motown Review at Miller Outdoor Theatre. He didn't answer so I left a nice voicemail. Rick never responded...no text, return phone call, smoke signal, email, NADA (STRIKE 3)! I was done! At that point I decided that I didn't have time for someone who doesn't have time for me. If someone is interested, then they make it known. They want to spend time with you and they want to talk to you on a regular basis, not just for a hour of lunch every now again. If that's what the offer is on the table, I'll leave it.
Bright Side: Maybe it's just me, but the first days that you meet and are interacting with someone is supposed to be the honeymoon period. You know, it's when you text all day then talk on the phone for hours. He asks you out on dates and you hang out all the time. I know this isn't with everyone that you meet, but when someone talks a big game about how much they like you and blah, blah, blah this is what you'd expect...or am I missing something? Well I kept to my word and stopped initiating contact with Rick. My time is way too valuable to be giving it way to someone who doesn't understand the concept of reciprocity. I deserve and demand way more than that! Funny thing is that someone who was so "into" me, he didn't decide to reach out until 2 months later...but you'll get that story next Monday!
Happy New Year! What's going on? I know that it's been a while since my last post, but the end of 2012 was uber crazy for me. I have, however, set a goal to open my calendar up to events outside of work or the other family/friend commitments that I'm obligated to attend. I started working on this goal before the holidays but i'll share that with y'all in another post. This post is dedicated to Ted. If you don't remember Ted, just go on over to "The Contradiction Personified".
Last I blogged, Ted and I went out and I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. That post was in July so we'll fast forward to the end of Sept. So I'm in DC to handle some work stuff and like anyone else, I post it on Facebook that I've just touched down in the city. Now...I hadn't really spoken to Ted since our outing so imagine my surprise when I get a text from him a few hours later just saying "Hey, What's up?" We start chit-chatting and I state what he's obviously already read in my status and he mentions that he's just landed too. (Funny thing is that we were almost on the exact same flight! Ha!). Anyway, the next evening he asks if I'm going to any of the parties/dinners/cocktail events that some of the offices are having around the city, and I respond that I've made plans with a girlfriend of mine who lives there. The next day he hits me up about a meeting and after going back and forth for over a hour about that and a few other things, I suggest that we meet up at some point since we're in the same city and he agrees. He gives me his immediate plans and I tell him that iI'l contact him when we finish our meetings.
Ted then texts me about every hour to a hour and a half after that to see where we are and what our plans are. When we finally get back to our hotel, I reached out to let him know that we're back and that we were about to start making moves. After my friends and I settle on a place to eat, I tell Ted and he says that he's back at his hotel. I ask him if he's in for the night (since he's been texting me about where we're going to be for the past 3 hours) and guess what he says... Ted says no, he's waiting for his girlfriend to get back to the hotel. [Yes...you read correctly, this ninja said his GIRLFRIEND! Umm...I'm thinking that maybe I missed something so I got a 2nd & 3rd opinion and both said that I wasn't tripping.] I ended up just hitting him back with a "that's cool" and kept it moving. Where was this girlfriend while we were texting until after 2a on the first night and all day the next day? Ninjas!
The situation wasn't worth more than that response. Because this city is so small and our careers are closely related, we've crossed paths again but I don't give him any more or less attention than I give anyone else. Well...that's a lie because he gets a straight face and a dry tone. I'm not rude but I'm definitely not extra.
Bright Side: Even though I was a little taken back by this situation with Ted in DC, I feel like I handled it properly. In my profession, you never know who's connected with who and you don't want to burn any bridges. Ehh...growing up is hard to do!
(Note: This song is not related to what I'm writing about but as I was writing it popped into my head...I just love it because it's weird "They want their daddy...I'm not their daddy" lol)
So I'm in bed
trying to calm my mind so that I can finally get to bed before midnight (I need
at least 8 hours of sleep or I'll be in a serious fight with time and my alarm
clock in the morning). Let's just say that I #fail at this challenge every night.
Tonight, I have the pleasure of hearing Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My
Feet" playing on repeat and an unsuccessful hang-out/date/I don't know
what it was haunting my thoughts. Now
I know that I haven't written a post in a while but I've had a lot going on and
with everything floating around in my head, I figured what better time to jump
back into it than tonight? Time to put the tv on mute, turn on iTunes, and start the 16K song shuffle so I can share my thoughts. Let's get it...
Like I said before, I went to go
hang-out with someone (let's call him "Ted") this weekend. [To me]
Ted was cool. We had things in common and I wasn't looking for a way to escape
after the first 15 minutes of talking to him, which is always good for me.
(It's sad to say, but that's the way most of my hang-outs/dates/I don't know
what this is go. I have an uber short attention span and it's even shorter for
the foolish, hence the reason why I haven't posted in so long). Before going
out with Ted, I knew that he had potential. He seemed (not saying that he
isn't...I just haven't been around him enough to verify my initial assessment)
to be good people. I won't go into the details of the afternoon, but I will say
that I left the table thinking that it was a good time until we are leaving and
Ted 1). Asks me where my car is, says that his is the opposite way, and then
proceeds to walk to his car. (Uhh...a sista can't get a walk to the car that's
only 5 cars down? lol o...k) and 2). It's just the "Talk to you
later". No mention of doing it again or anything. So y'all know me, I start going
into immediate self-preservation mode. This obviously has to translate into he
isn't feeling me so it's time for the automatic shut-down...right? Not quite.
(There's more to the story, but I have other things to discuss)
So...I started thinking
(translation: over analyzing) about the time that we spent talking and the
conversation. I came to the conclusion that I am a HORRIBLE first-dater because
I'm basically a walking contradiction. Not on purpose, but that's just
me! The people, who know me, know how to navigate these waters but what does it
tell someone who I'm just meeting that I am actually interested in (and not
just hanging out with because I have a free space on my calendar)? For example,
I'm an extrovert. I love people, I love being around people, even when I feel
like I'm at -0%, when I walk into the crowd my levels rise. (For some reason Ted
thought that I didn't know the definition of an extrovert v. an introvert and I
had to keep my facial expressions under control when he decided to give me the definition.
But I digress...) But I'm also completely comfortable being alone and I need
(and prefer) having space/alone time pretty often. Didn't get the point? Let's
try another example: I'm equally as guarded as I am open. It's confusing...I
know! You know those personality tests that you take during seminars, retreats,
etc. where you answer a serious of questions and it's supposed to tell you if
you're an otter, a dolphin, a monkey, a walrus, a lion, or a Tyrannosaurus Rex
(I know I messed that all up...but you get the point!)? My results are always 3
out of the 4 and they are all usually within 1-2 points of each other. I like to think of myself as being...well...complex.
Then it got me to thinking about past interactions and what this
communicates to others. I remember my neighbor once told me that I was
confusing because at the early part of our conversation I responded one way then
later responded another (but both responses were equally true). I understand it, but the question is how do you get past it?
How exactly do you respond when someone asks you to tell them about yourself
when you have truths that are two different extremes? It's kinda tricky to communicate
this verbally when it's something that usually just "clicks" when
they are around me long enough. And how do you get past the "she must be saying
what she thinks I want to hear" to the "Eureka! She just possesses
both characteristics equally"?
Bright Side: I guess eventually someone will get it...I'm
not sure if Ted got it during our first real conversation (and by the way the
afternoon/follow up email ended, I'm not sure if he's interested in learning
this through interaction). Ah well! I told you...I just needed to put my thoughts out
there before I end up staying up till the wee hours thinking about something
that's already passed. I'm sure I'll get it
figured out...just not tonight.
So I know that I was supposed to post last week...but that ain't happen. Lol I do have a few minutes of freedom now so I felt the need to share...
Okay...so for my brother's birthday last month we went out to a new spot [for me]. I haven't been out to a lounge/club in a while because that's not really my scene anymore. I don't mind hanging out there once in a while, but the every day of the week partying in the club was left in year 26.
While I was trying to convince my brother that he'd had enough libations for the evening, I noticed a tall, dark, and very handsome man across the walkway from us. I didn't say anything in the beginning because I like to sit back and observe for a bit. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do too much observing because the clock was creeping on 12:30 am and it was getting mighty close to my bedtime. We moved to another area of the spot and my yawns started coming on closer and closer so I knew it was time for me to head to the door. When I finally convinced myself to throw caution to the wind and approach the guy, he was gone. Now I figured that he hadn't left altogether (since his friend was still standing at the bar), but he was out of my line of sight. Oh well...guess it wasn't meant to be!
As I drove home, I kept thinking to myself "what if?" and my imagination got the best of me so I picked up the phone and let my fingers do the walking. I reached into my 15 year old bag of tricks and had my brother's girlfriend handle the situation for me. She passed on my information and I let that be. (I do not suggest anyone taking that course of action because it saves a lot of questions and confusion to just do it yourself) About a week later I received a text message from the guy. We went through the usual introductions but then I realized that I didn't ask him if he was involved. Conversation went a little like this:
RR: "So I don't think I asked you if you were involved. I would hate to interfere."
Midtown: "I am, but I don't mind if you interfere"
RR: *blank stare* "Umm...I'm sure that your wife/girlfriend would mind, so it was nice meeting you and enjoy the day"
MT: "Girlfriend and you enjoy your day too"
Really? I appreciate the honesty upfront, but did he really think that I was going to be cool with 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, 5th) place? I don't know how other females do it, but I'm too selfish to share and I wouldn't want to do that to another female and I know how it feels to be the one thinking that your relationship is gravy and there's another woman there.
Bright Side: Like I said, I appreciate the honesty. He could've said no and I could've ended up in a very bad situation. Good blogging for you...bad times for me. Anyway, enjoy your weekend and be safe!
If you're in Houston, come out to the Open Armz of Hope poetry reading on Sunday, April 15th at Fox Hollow (4617 Nett Street, Houston, Texas) from 3p - 6p. There's no cover charge, but they are asking for a $5 donation (all proceeds from this event will go to Open Armz of Hope, a non-profit organization)
Well...I tried. I really did try. After about a day or two of playing phone tag, I was finally able to sit and have a conversation with EC (Eye Candy from last week's post). Or at least I tried to. I think we may have talked for about 10 minutes before the first interruption came. Now, I didn't think too much of it because sometimes people call and you have to click over...I get it. But when he returned, the interruptions started coming a lot more frequently. It was like he clicked over every 5 minutes! Eventually, he just said that he would just call me back. This went on everyday for the past week. He called me, like clockwork, every day when he got off and within 20 minutes of the conversation he told me he would call me back. I'm sorry but I just can't deal with that...especially when the person doesn't see anything wrong with it.
You see...in that first 10 minutes of the conversation I learned that this young man (yes...YOUNG) was only 22! W.T.H? I'm way too young to be in "cougar training"! Then, he felt it necessary to share his stories of a very "challenging" (idk what to call being pimped by an older lady...I can't make this stuff up, even if I tried) upbringing. His mind was on his money...literally. I believe that he told me that when he's in a relationship he wouldn't be intimate with another woman but he would give her his time if she paid him for it. Umm...excuse me? Are you being serious? Am I being punk'd?
Needless to say there were a number of things that troubled me about this guy. Finally, I had to just tell him straight up that I didn't have time for the constant phone tag and foolishness. Aside from the scary stories, I could see some intelligence, a love of God (I know...hard to believe, right? But who am I to judge?), and some potential...if he was ready. But, he's not and I don't have time for a "project". He still has time to get his life together and hopefully he does it sooner than later.
Bright Side: I told you that at least I would have a story to tell! But I'm glad that I decided to let it go up front than let it keep going and having a headache about it later. I don't know what to say...I kinda felt bad because I thought that I might be able to be the light in a room full of darkness but I also felt like you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. During our brief conversations, I was able to put some things on his mind but not enough to make him see that as easy as money comes, it goes even faster with one inaccurate step. I just had to say a prayer and let it go...
This past Saturday I had the opportunity to hang out with a more seasoned group of ladies while watching Bearkat and Texans football. I had so much fun listening to stories of sponsorship and foolishness. It was somewhat interesting (and a little scary) to know that foolishness knows no age. Seriously, is this what I have to look forward to in the coming years?! One of the stories that was brought to the table for discussion was one that I have yet to encounter. Let me share (and yes, I did get permission)...
This lovely, 40+ lady (Bonita) met a guy (Reggie) out and about. One day when they were conversing, they decide to meet up. Now...this was an impromptu date. When they finally met at Subway, they ordered and proceeded to pay. The male (also 40+) pulls out a buy one, get one free foot long coupon. Now Bonita is a little taken aback by Reggie's decision to use a coupon on one of their first outings. And on top of all of that, Bonita ordered a 6 inch sandwich instead of a footlong so Reggie had to order another footlong on his own (which he said that he would eat for lunch on another day). Really? I understand the concept of frugality, but can we at least wait until date 5,6, or 7...when we are really comfortable with each other?
So the discussion at the table was if you felt like this was acceptable behavior or not. Personally, I think that he should've waited to use the coupon with his boys or for lunch one day, especially since he still ended up keeping the other sandwich for another day anyway. But maybe that's just me (and the other ladies at the table).
Bright Side: Maybe this means that he is awesome at saving and building for the future? idk...that's probably a stretch but it's all that I got!
Well...I have a good story for you today! I was out hanging with the girls one night when one of my friends, Nia, asked me about my blog. I was telling her about how I love it and she told me that she has a "situation" that she wanted me to share with my readers and wanted their honest advice...so here it is:
Nia is caught up in a situation, to say the least. She works long days at her company so she and her coworkers spend a lot of time together. So it was no surprise when she started dating her coworker, Aaron, secretly. Their relationship ended, but now she's fallen for a new guy, Mike, who just happens to be another co-worker. Now, it's not like the two (Aaron & Mike) are so far removed from each other that they'll never cross paths. In fact, Aaron and Mike have a casual (we play video games together) relationship.
Nia has yet to inform Mike about her past relationship with Aaron, and doesn't know if she should. She and Aaron are still friends (and Aaron has a hater brother who works in the same dept as Nia and Mike and would gladly spill the relationship beans).
Nia's question is: "What Should She Do?" Personally, I think that she should tell Mike about Aaron. I don't see how it would end better if she doesn't...but that's just my two cents.
Bright Side: At least someone's dating regularly up in this piece! Just kidding, just kidding!
Okay, so during my brief hiatus I was able to squeeze in some blog-worthy fun in. It all started one day when I met 2 of my friends for lunch. We started talking about the blog that I had just posted and the subject turned to me, my "must-haves", and what went wrong with the guy that I that I posted about. After listing my short (but very manageable) list, Jen decided that she and Ashlee were going to set up a dating reality show style intervention on me.
After lunch, Jennifer de-friended me on FB (so that I couldn't start searching for who he might be and he couldn't search for me) and started the process. To my surprise, she came up with someone for me to go out with. (Now, I'm a bit of a control freak so I had Jen move the date up from the Sunday after next to the upcoming Sunday). Well, everything was set logistically so now I had to go through a wardrobe and pre-date intervention. Lol I pretty much knew what I wanted to wear, but it had to be "approved" by the executive directors of this program. Lol So my top and bottom were approved, but my shoes were veto-d (who knew that wearing a pair of nice, fashion-forward, sky high booties conveyed a "come and get it" vibe? Not me!). After pulling out about 5 pair of heels, we got it figured out. So after we found my perfect outfit, I had to practice my "sexy walk" (even though I was already going to be seated at the table when he arrived). That was a major #FAIL! I'm too silly to really be able to practice anything like that. And even if I did come up with something "acceptable" then, it would not be executed in the same manner. Lol
During the "mock date", I couldn't keep a straight face either. Ashlee and Jenn kept trying to mimic the mannerisms of a male, but it just made me laugh even harder. We went through the basic questions and how I would normally respond vs. a more polite way to respond. I usually try to put a positive, bright side spin on my words but it doesn't always help. It was a fun Saturday and I felt pretty ready to meet this guy on Sunday.
Bright Side: It's so much better to go through this process with people who genuinely care about your happiness and well being. I'm so blessed to have great friends, great family, and great friends who become family/family who becomes friends! I'll let you know how Sunday went later!
Ahh! I have a confession to make...LinkedIn got me caught up! (Actually, I did it to myself and I just used LinkedIn) So, I came across the name of the company that an old-friend of mine (translation: someone that I used to talk to) works for. It instantly reminded me of how he was a pretty good guy. He was nice, educated, CUTE, he did use "conversate" (omg that makes my flesh crawl! I absolutely HATE that phrase...not on topic, but I really wanted to slap Jackie for saying "conversating" on Monday's episode of BBW: LA...trying to be all proper saying "conversating"! Ugh) but that wasn't a deal breaker...anymore. So, I looked up his name on LinkedIn and he appears! I send the invite, and he accepts. I talk to a friend of mine because I wasn't sure what to say? I can't just randomly send someone that I hadn't spoken to in 3 years a LinkedIn invite and not follow up with something...right? I mean, I could but I was trying to see if I could rekindle something... She gives me a good intro that I send (in my own words of course) and a couple of hours later, he responds with a "Good reconnecting with you too". Ahh yes! The glimmer of hope! So, I ask what he's been up to...then I get a "Oh, nothing me and my wife are getting ready to have our first child..." (I don't know what else it said after that because I needed an air pump to re-inflate my face). But what did I really expect? It has been about 3 years since I last spoke to the man! He is allowed to have his own life and he obviously has been living it. What can I say?Bright Side: Just another reason why it wasn't meant to be! Lol Idk I knew better, but I still wanted to see what would happen. Well...lesson learned! No more looking backward, gotta keep my focus (and my actions) focused on what's ahead!
What up? I'm back with a story (or two) to tell. Okay so remember a couple of weeks ago I told you that I signed back up with a dating site? Well, I have since deactivated the account...again. I don't know if I did it for the lack of requests or messages that I could actually take seriously or because it wasn't any more comfortable/meaningful than meeting communicating with random men in person. I don't knock anyone for trying it, but I now know (without a shadow of a doubt) that online dating is just not for me. But, I did get some blog-worthy material from it. Gotta little story to tell...wanna hear it? Here it go...
Okay so there was one guy on the site who viewed my profile, but didn't send a message. I thought he was attractive (online) so I decided to reach out to him. We messaged back and forth and ended up exchanging numbers. After a text conversation, I asked where he lived and he replied the exact same intersection to where I live. FREAKY! So, I asked if it was a particular complex and he said yes...and followed up with a phone call. So, it turns out that we live in the same complex and I've seen him before. Matter of fact, the Saturday before we parked right in front of each other and he saw me, but I was so tired and zoned out that I didn't pay him any attention. So, we met up later that night and he didn't quite look the way he did on the picture. It wasn't like he used someone else's picture (because when he moved his head in certain directions, I could see the resemblance), but it wasn't him. His picture was more like younger Brian McKnight, but in reality he was like a distant cousin twice removed on his mother's side...you get my drift? But, I decided to roll with it since he could turn out to be a good guy...and I was right (that night). We watched the game and had a pretty good conversation.
That next Sunday, he came by to say what's up and he asked me to come to his basketball game. Now, it was pouring down raining outside, but I was like cool, I'll roll with you. He was like cool and he left to go change. After I changed clothes I shot him over an "I'm ready" text and he hit me back with a "I already left". Umm...excuse me? YOU asked ME to come to your game, told me that it was cool that I ride with you, THEN YOU LEFT ME? I let it ride and was like cool. Fast Forward to that next Wednesday. He had been sending me texts about being sick, so I was like I have some tea and honey you can have. He was like "I'm on my way into the garage, so you mind if I come pick it up and go back home to rest?" I was like "That's cool...I was actually going to bring it upstairs so you don't even have to come down here." He hit me with a "Just parked.", so I waited a couple of minutes, then took the tea upstairs. I knock on the door and a chick opens the door. I ask if Damon is there and she's like "No, he's not here." Okay cool...I go back home. I didn't text Damon or call, I just went back home. About 5 mins later, there's a knock on my door and it's who? Yep...Damon. I casually told him that I tried to take it upstairs but the chick who answered said that he wasn't there. He didn't even flinch as he asked me for a hug and I politely closed the door in his face...softly. About 20 mins later I get a missed call (I looked at my phone when it was ringing and decided not to answer), then a series of texts saying that she was an old friend who he never had sex with who decided to come take care of him because he was sick and he kicked her out because she answered his door. (yes, I know that was a run on...this piece is probably filled with grammatical errors!) I wasn't angry. To be honest, I wasn't even phased. I just responded "It is what it is" and that sent him off. He was like "I'm trying to apologize and you're acting nonchalant!" (Pause: How am I supposed to act? Am I supposed to go into psycho-girl mode? No thank you! My grandmother always taught me "Don't Give Them The Satisfaction!") Well, my calm demeanor wasn't what he wanted so he decided to try to keep the fire going...I decided to go to sleep. Needless to say I received a number of texts about how he missed me (sir, you don't know me) and such. I finally responded that I wasn't mad. We were just friends (hanging out) so there's no need for all of that "Are we going to be anything?" or "Should I just give up on us?" (His words, not mine)
Frankly, I was really quite turned off with the inconsiderate action of leaving me and then texting me about it later, and I was just numb to any feelings when the chick answered the door and he waited 20 mins to respond instead of when I gave him the opportunity at my door. I don't have time for games and I would rather let it go now then wonder why I didn't leave it alone years down the line.
Bright Side: I'm growing...paying attention to the signs when they are thrown instead of ignoring them. **pats self on back and gives myself a hug**
Yes, I was off yesterday but I spent the entire day helping my mother move and then I went straight to rehearsal for my friend/line sister's wedding tonight. I'm super excited for @tjflenoy and Joe Driver's wedding tonight! (Twitter Trending Topic: #tiffandjoesayIdo)
But as promised, here's the story that I was supposed to share yesterday. There was a guy that I dated off and on from 9th grade until sometime last year. I usually am not the type to go back and forth, but with him it was a little different. Every time that we stopped dating, it wasn't because he did something wrong of was messing with someone else, but because it just phased out for the moment. I guess you could call him my "Go-To Guy". He was the one I could "go to" when I wasn't in a relationship and just wanted to go out or for companionship. This was all the case up until I found out that the entire time we were dating/talking/in a relationship/whatever you want to call it, he was doing the same thing with another girl, who happened to be the mother of his child. Fun times, right? Well, when I found out I didn't go ballistic, I just sent my "closure" text and kept it moving. I guess the thing to know about me is that when I'm in a relationship, I take on the other person's friends too. Many times I would be the only female with him and his friends or his cousins watching the game, hanging out at the house, whatever because that's me. They were cool, so we were cool.
One of GTG's cousins (Chris) and I were really cool. I tried to hook him up with one of my friends, we traded music, he even was the one to try to give me advice on GTG. (This story is not going where you think it's going...so just read). Anyway, this group was really cool so when I found out that GTG was still messing with his BM (baby mama) and I left him alone, his friends/cousins went with him. Now, I didn't expect for his friends to dime him out, but if they knew that he was still with her (which I'm sure they did), then Chris shouldn't have been so adamant about making sure GTG & I stayed together. He could have just been cool when we all hung out and left it like that.
Fast Forward to the present...a couple of months ago I got a message from one of his friends shooting the breeze and asking why I let GTG do some of the foolish things that he did. And I had to explain that he was a grown man I can't "let" anyone do anything. But, last week I got a message on the online dating site from Chris. I'll post the message (verbatim) and let you draw your own conclusions. I will tell you that all I could do was laugh.
he said September 28
Well, well, well! I run into you again, except on here instead of ******* Ms. Random Rambler! Clearly both sites think we are compatible for some reason. I never quite understood why you ex-communicated me because things didn't workout between you and my cousin. I thought we were cool, but, it is what it is. You're an intelligent, driven and attractive woman, so, I'm sure you won't be on here long. But, good luck!
you said September 30
Just like I told ********, because you knew the entire time that GTG was actually still with ******'s mother. Not that I expected you to rat out your cousin, but you were actively trying to get us together. But, it's the past and I'm moving forward.
Good Luck to you as well.
he said September 30 So, misinformed sweetheart...smh. Do your thang RR
Bright Side: A couple of friends and I got a pretty good laugh about this and I didn't respond because there was no need. It's over and done and I sleep just fine with my decision. But, remind me to tell you the story of his interaction with another friend of mine...the world is truly a small place!
So, i'm sitting here at the Astros game with the homies when it dawns on me that not only have I not posted this week, but I haven't given an update on my quest for "Something New". (Note: Im posting from a tablet so don't judge me for my errors...even if it has spellcheck! Lol) As much as I would love to report that he and I are going strong, I cannot. Matter-of-fact, we didn't go anywhere. The weekend that we were supposed to go to Wild West, he called to reschedule because he had to babysit his sitter. Now, I have a 9 year old sister, so I can definitely understand having to step in as a "ram in the bush" (search your Bible for the story of Abraham and Isaac on top of the mountain) So he was really interested in rescheduling, so we decided that we would go to dinner that Tuesday before I left for DC. That was perfectly fine wi me since I preferred to meet 1 on 1 so I could get to know him a little better. He said that he would call on Sunday and let me know time, place, etc. Well...Sunday came and went and nothing. Tuesday came and went and still nothing. I text but no response. Oh well...he's outta there! Crazy part is about 2 days later he sent me a Facebook friend request...no message with an apology or an explanation. Just a freaking friend request. So yeah!
Bright Side: (not that I needed the confirmation but...) Now I know that ignorance knows no color. This didn't turn me off to dating outside my race, but it was another disappointment. All of these disappointments are going to make me go back into dating hibernation because someone has definitely but some bad juju in my dating life. Well...at least I have this thesis to keep me warm at night...
Have a great Labor Day weekend! Be safe!
Disappointed. Remember the post before this one? The one where I was so uber excited about approaching that guy from church? (Worth The Wait...) Well, I'm sad to report that nothing came out of it. I mean...I called him that Monday night but he hasn't initiated anything since then. I sent a couple of follow up texts, but there wasn't anything there that made it seem like he had any interest in taking it further. The conversation wasn't bad...it was just one of those "getting to know you" conversations. I'm not ashamed to say that I did break down the conversation (in my head) to see what may have been the dealbreaker for him. It wasn't like it was a short & sweet convo, we were on the phone for over a hr and I'm the one who initiated the goodbye. And I don't feel like just because I approached him that I gave up all rights to be "courted". I just started the ball rolling, it's his job to keep it in motion, right? In the conversationhe gave me his schedule, play by play, so I knew that he was going to be busy. But, does that mean that you don't shoot out a text to say "hey", especially when you update your FB? Or when I sent him a message, he answered it but never said "what about yourself?" or anything. I'm just sayin... I think I'll take it as a sign that "he's just not that into me" and I do not chase. Oh well...on to the next one!
Bright Side: At least now I know what's up. I kinda dwelled on it for a little bit, but now I'm good. Maybe he just brought me one person closer to the one who's just as interested in me as I am in them.
Do you remember the movie, The Wood? Well (if you remember), do you remember the part where they were all at the dance and "Big Mike" won the contest for who could get the most numbers at the dance, just because he pulled Alicia...because her number was worth "all 10 of those skeezers up in there"? (Slim's words, not mine) Well...my experience was kinda like that (except with men). Here's a clip just to refresh your memory (FF to 4:41):
Ok, so if you're a Bright Sider then you know that I accepted the challenge that Paul Brunson extended to the world about dating (see Challenge to catch up) and you also know about the guy from church that I've been wanting to approach for the longest (see Worth The Risk...). Well I took this challenge as the opportunity to do just that. Seeing as though I'd only approached 3 guys by July 30th, I decided that "Rick" was my "Alicia". Let me set the scene...
It's after church one Sunday and I'm in the auditorium talking to my friend Kelly's sister (we were discussing the fact that I should come to Buenos Aires for her wedding in February...can we say that I'm in! Any excuse to get back to the beaches of South America!). I thought that Rick had left and that I had gotten out of approaching him for the umpteenth time in 5 or 6 months. How about no! So while I'm talking to Shan, I see him walk back into the auditorium and then turn to leave. Imagine the butterflies in my stomach! I decided that this was the time! I told Shan that I would be back and I set off. Well...by the time he got to the door I was right behind him and we greeted each other. Since it was kinda crowded in the hallway, I asked him to come outside with me so that I could ask him something. He followed and when we got outside I just blurted it out. There was no time to find some (or any) "game" that I don't have...I was nervous enough. I was just like "Would you want to hang out sometime?" He chuckled a bit (in my head I'm screaming what the heck is so funny?), but then I just asked why the laugh? He said that he was waiting for the punch line, but he realized that I was serious. (Uhh...yeah I'm serious! It's hot, I'm in a suit, and we are in the middle of the church's walkway...brother!). So anyway he said yes, we can do that, and I told him I would call him so we could set something up later. There's more to this story...but I'll post it later! :)
Bright Side: Can we say that I was soooo relieved? I have been wondering "what if" for the longest and now I did it! I'm so proud of myself for just going for it (even if it took me 6 months)!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have had NO luck at all with this challenge. I was actually pretty excited about taking it on, but now I'm not so sure. It seems as though as soon as I said yes to the challenge, all of the handsome and intelligent men that I once saw disappeared!I'm sad to report that I've only approached 2 guys. One of whom was on his way back to Michigan (or at least that is what he told me), and the other I can't even remember (I guess that speaks for itself). I did, however, end up on a web show where my "approach" was critiqued. The result: They (they being the audience that im’d into the show and the hosts) said that I have a "Girl Next Door" approach and no game whatsoever! Lol...I thought that was kind of harsh and to be honest, I don't see what's wrong with an honest approach (sans all of the game…I think having game is subjective and overrated). I don't think that I have to put a lot into it other than:
Me: “Hello”
Him: “Why, hello there!”
Me: “How are you doing tonight (this morning/this afternoon)
Him: “I’m better now that you’ve graced me with your presence”
Me: “Oh, how sweet of you! What's your name?”
Him: “Why, I’m the man of your dreams! What is your name?”
Me: “My name is RR”
Him: “Nice to meet you RR. What made you decide to approach me?”
Me: “I thought you were handsome so I wanted to introduce myself..."
(not an accurate account of how the conversation would go…but you get it. lol)
That’s a simple approach and honest. I know if someone came over to me with some wack game I would think they were a cornball and immediately switch my interest from “I’m interested in getting to know him” to “I’m already bored and my friends aren’t ready to go so he’ll be my entertainment for the night”. I just like to give what I’m expecting to receive…I like to think of it as me paying it forward.
Bright Side: I have a little over a week left to approach a total of 7 more guys. We’ll see how this goes! (Say a few prayers on my behalf because it looks like I'm going to need it) There is one that I’m interested in approaching, but I need a little more background before I just go for it. I already know him so it would be kind of awkward to move forward if the end result isn’t in my favor. We’ll see what happens and you know that I will report back to you! Wish me luck…Let me know if you have any pointers!
If you want to see the web show, go here. I promise that it is very entertaining!
If you don't know me, one important thing that you should know is that I love music. I can find a song that will describe what ever situation that I'm going through perfectly. Sometimes I'll have my iPod in my back pocket and I'll do something that will turn it on and it'll start to play a song while I carry on with my life. Lol I shared that bit of information because it's happened again! I heard a song that describes a lot of the posts that I've written and the post that I'm going to share today. I was browsing my Twitter timeline when I learned that Beyonce has a new song out. Now, I'm not really a Beyonce fan but I do like (and can relate) to some of her music (more of the "Me, Myself, and I", "Scared of Lonely", "Daddy" type and less of the "Video Phone", "Kitty Kat" type lol) Here's the song...
When I heard it, I could think of about 3 or 4 guys that this related to. One of which decided to contact me yesterday...out of the blue! If you've been reading for a while then you will know him as "The Bull", if you're new to my random ramblings then catch up by reading The More Things Change. He ended up being "The Best Thing I Never Had."
This is what happened: I was leaving the office to go teach myself how to put together a watering system install a watering system at one of our projects when I saw that I have a Gmail message with the subject "Hey....." and The Bull's name as the sender. I open the email and had to bust out laughing. The relationship (and I use the term relationship VERY loosely...it was more like an interaction) between Bull & I did not end on a positive note. In fact, I believe it ended with him telling me that he sees why black men turn to white women and me telling him not to contact me until he found his God-given sense. Well...I guess he found it because he sure did contact me. The communication was pretty basic. He started off sending an email (I'm guessing to test the waters) with the ususal "What's going on?" and I just answered as truthfully as possible. That I've been great...I went to Brazil for 2 weeks, and my I haven't skipped a beat on enjoying life. Then he got a little comfortable moved to texting and apologized for the things that he said in the past and asked if we could meet up. I accepted his apology and asked why he contacted me (like I didn't already know) and he said he thought of me out of the blue (womp, womp, womp...I think that he knew that he acted a donkey when he did it and is now trying for a comeback...story of my life). Anyway, he again asked me if I was interested in hanging out with him again and I just answered that we could be cool. From there he said (in his exact words) "Your tough" PAUSE uhh...what exactly did he expect? For me to say oh I know that you acted a dang fool on the phone, you disappeared for weeks at a time, you were pretty much a donkey, but that's ok because you've apologized and you're ready to move forward? Although I can (and have) forgiven him of what happened 5 months ago, I'm not Boo-Boo-the-Fool. I told him exactly what I'm available to offer...coolness. It's not a friendship, it's not "talking", it's not a relationship...it's just communicating whenever time permits and an occassional outing. Right now...I can't do any more for him. Anyway, I just responded that I was just being me and he took that as an opening to call me. The phone conversation was going to interupt my study session so I decided not to answer and I returned his call on my way home from VBS. He didn't answer and I didn't care. Lol
Bright Side: If last year's me was looking at the right now me she wouldn't recognize RR. I am becoming a woman of my word (in dealing with the opposite sex) and it feels really good.
I don't know if I told y'all this, but I joined Match.com in February...and cancelled my subscription in March. lol While I was on there, there were a couple of guys that caught my eye (both by their picture and their bio). One guy in particular I sent a message and we went back and forth one day and I didn't hear from him again until almost 3 weeks later. He sent me a message saying that he doesn't regularly check his account, so he asked me if I had FB. I said yes and he sent me a friend request. We had a few people in common (and I checked with 2 trusted sources about him...good reviews). We communicated once after I accepted his friend request and that was it. Like...it. He didn't message anything else so I didn't either. I did, however, delete his friendship because I didn't see a purpose for having a connection that wasn't going to be used. Before, I deleted the friendship, I did send a message saying Happy Birthday but I think I deleted the profile the day after. I know some people might feel that it was a hasty decision, but I'm in the process of deleting people that I really don't know and don't have an interest in getting to know from my page anyway...and he happens to be in that category now. Obviously, he either didn't like the other pictures that were posted on my page, or he just isn't interested and that's fine. I'm not for everybody.
About a week after I deleted his friendship he sent me a message saying thanks for the birthday wishes and another friend request. So then I'm thinking maybe he was just busy with life...it was his birthday week. So I sent a message saying "So...." and responded with "So...? You wished me happy birthday and I was saying thanks" and I responded "as in how was your birthday?"...flatline, no response. Oh well!
Bright Side: I don't know if there is one here...you tell me if you see one.
So last year or so, my cousin was planning speed dating events. I think that I mentioned this in a previous post, but it was a really nice event. There was a nice ratio of males to females, the ambiance was nice, and the event was well-organized. At this event, there were a few guys that caught my attention. One guy in particular works at an office that works closely with my office. I selected him as one of the guys that I was interested in getting to know, but I never heard anything from him so I figured there was no connection.
A little bit later he sent an email to my work email just shooting the breeze, but nothing came of it. Last week, he called the office to ask a question about a possible event but he also asked how I'd been doing and what not. So, I sent him an email with my information and told him to contact me there if he wanted to check up on me. Well...we went back and forth via email that day, he sent a friend request on FB that day, and the next day we went back forth on FB chat. Now, my thing is that communicating via FB and email are fine, but he has my cell number. I may be thinking too much into this (which I am good for doing), but he can text or call me. For me, email and FB chat are very impersonal because you have to either be at your desk or at a computer to converse. It also makes me think that maybe there's a reason why you can't pick up your phone or have a record of communicating in your phone.
Before you start to get on me about over thinking the situation, I haven't said anything and I'm not going to. I'm just going to sit back and see if he continues this pattern or if it was just that busy of a week that those were his only options at the time. I know in one of our emails, he asked me how I make time for quality time, and my response was that I make time for whatever I feel is important. Again, I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to do the same.
Bright Side: I'm not going to sit and overanalyze this situation. It's still early in the game, and that could have been an off week. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but if he doesn't #EjectHimself, then I will politely do it for him...and not think twice about it!
I told you that I was going to do it, and I am determined to keep my word. On Sunday, a friend of mine and I were talking about guys and how they have become very lazy. I have 2 examples, one that I'll share now and another that I'll share tomorrow...
I was telling her about this guy that I met at a work event last year. I work in non-profit, so we get invited to parties for corporate sponsors all of the time. Well at this particular party, I didn't know anyone other than the lady who invited me (and I didn't know her very well). True to my social butterfly form, I found a lady and her husband and I ended up talking to them majority of the night. Well, the husband's co-worker decided to come over and sit with us. He started up a conversation with me and I entertained him…he was handsome, a little older (35ish), and could hold a decent conversation. We exchanged business cards, but he never called...and I didn't call him. A couple of weeks later, I saw him at another event for this company and he walked me to my car and he asked me for my cell. We conversed a couple of times after that, and one day after work we hung out and watched a Rocket's game. Now, every time that I would call him he would say that he was going to call me back, but didn't. So I just stopped calling. One February night, he sent me a random text about it being really cold outside... (keep in mind that I hadn't seen/talked to him since we hung out in December)
Him: Man, it got really cold outside. I need a warm bed. Me: Yea, it did. You don't leave your heater on? Him: I didn't realize that it was going to be this cold tonight. Me: Well I guess you should start checking the weather before you leave home. Him: I guesso...it's going to be so cold when I get home Me: Yea...well get those blankets ready! Him: no response
I was halfway offended that he expected me to invite him to my house. Just because we have had a handful of conversations and we've hung out once does not mean that I know you and that you should be expecting an invitation to cuddle. My friend and I were just talking about how this must have worked for him before for him to come at me like this.
I explained that I'm at the point where I don't have time for the "you need to chase me" game...either you're interested or you're not. If you are, then you need to show it, but if you want me to chase you, then you need to #ejectyourself from my dating life. It's JUST.THAT.SIMPLE.
I didn't see or hear from him again until this weekend when he came to volunteer at one of our work events. He went on & on about how we need to hang out and how we should meet up when I come back from Brazil to show him my pictures...in person. Yea...that's not going to work for me. I need consistency and that's not something that you're capable of, sir.
Bright Side: It feels so good to be able to know and be able to communicate to "potentials" what I want and what I'm not going to stand for. I don't think consistency and both parties showing their interest are unreasonable expectations to have. I think that I've finally found my voice!
