The Contradiction Personified

(Note: This song is not related to what I'm writing about but as I was writing it popped into my head...I just love it because it's weird "They want their daddy...I'm not their daddy" lol)

So I'm in bed trying to calm my mind so that I can finally get to bed before midnight (I need at least 8 hours of sleep or I'll be in a serious fight with time and my alarm clock in the morning). Let's just say that I #fail at this challenge every night. Tonight, I have the pleasure of hearing Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My Feet" playing on repeat and an unsuccessful hang-out/date/I don't know what it was haunting my thoughts. Now I know that I haven't written a post in a while but I've had a lot going on and with everything floating around in my head, I figured what better time to jump back into it than tonight?  Time to put the tv on mute, turn on iTunes, and start the 16K song shuffle so I can share my thoughts. Let's get it...

Like I said before, I went to go hang-out with someone (let's call him "Ted") this weekend. [To me] Ted was cool. We had things in common and I wasn't looking for a way to escape after the first 15 minutes of  talking to him, which is always good for me. (It's sad to say, but that's the way most of my hang-outs/dates/I don't know what this is go.  I have an uber short attention span and it's even shorter for the foolish, hence the reason why I haven't posted in so long). Before going out with Ted, I knew that he had potential. He seemed (not saying that he isn't...I just haven't been around him enough to verify my initial assessment) to be good people. I won't go into the details of the afternoon, but I will say that I left the table thinking that it was a good time until we are leaving and Ted 1). Asks me where my car is, says that his is the opposite way, and then proceeds to walk to his car. (Uhh...a sista can't get a walk to the car that's only 5 cars down? lol o...k) and 2). It's just the "Talk to you later". No mention of doing it again or anything. So y'all know me, I start going into immediate self-preservation mode. This obviously has to translate into he isn't feeling me so it's time for the automatic shut-down...right? Not quite. (There's more to the story, but I have other things to discuss)

So...I started thinking (translation: over analyzing) about the time that we spent talking and the conversation. I came to the conclusion that I am a HORRIBLE first-dater because I'm basically a walking contradiction. Not on purpose, but that's just me! The people, who know me, know how to navigate these waters but what does it tell someone who I'm just meeting that I am actually interested in (and not just hanging out with because I have a free space on my calendar)? For example, I'm an extrovert. I love people, I love being around people, even when I feel like I'm at -0%, when I walk into the crowd my levels rise. (For some reason Ted thought that I didn't know the definition of an extrovert v. an introvert and I had to keep my facial expressions under control when he decided to give me the definition. But I digress...) But I'm also completely comfortable being alone and I need (and prefer) having space/alone time pretty often. Didn't get the point? Let's try another example: I'm equally as guarded as I am open. It's confusing...I know! You know those personality tests that you take during seminars, retreats, etc. where you answer a serious of questions and it's supposed to tell you if you're an otter, a dolphin, a monkey, a walrus, a lion, or a Tyrannosaurus Rex (I know I messed that all up...but you get the point!)? My results are always 3 out of the 4 and they are all usually within 1-2 points of each other.  I like to think of myself as being...well...complex.

Then it got me to thinking about past interactions and what this communicates to others. I remember my neighbor once told me that I was confusing because at the early part of our conversation I responded one way then later responded another (but both responses were equally true). I understand it, but the question is how do you get past it? How exactly do you respond when someone asks you to tell them about yourself when you have truths that are two different extremes? It's kinda tricky to communicate this verbally when it's something that usually just "clicks" when they are around me long enough. And how do you get past the "she must be saying what she thinks I want to hear" to the "Eureka! She just possesses both characteristics equally"?

Bright Side: I guess eventually someone will get it...I'm not sure if Ted got it during our first real conversation (and by the way the afternoon/follow up email ended, I'm not sure if he's interested in learning this through interaction).  Ah well!
I told you...I just needed to put my thoughts out there before I end up staying up till the wee hours thinking about something that's already passed. I'm sure I'll get it figured out...just not tonight.

Google Me...

So my stolen sister and I were on our way to a baseball game last night and I told her about my idea for a blog topic.  I explained how I've been chastised for wanting to know too much too soon about potentials instead of just going with the flow.  Let me explain...if I meet a guy through a friend or on my own, we usually exchange first and last names.  If I find myself interested in the guy's conversation (and appearance), I start verifying information via Google, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with putting someone through a vetting process to see if they're worth the time and energy.  Now, I don't interrupt the person when they're telling me about themselves with "Oh, I already know that" or "Yeah, I read that on your Facebook".  I also don't go into some stalker-type research.  I look verify that the information that they've shared with me is the correct information and that they aren't on America's Most Wanted, married/engaged/in a relationship, or have 30 kids (don't act like this isn't possible).  I'm just curious to see what comes up when I put your name into Google and I'm sure that it's quite possible that he might do the same thing with me (which is why I try to be mindful of what I post and what pictures I take).

Bright Side:  Like I said, I don't get stalkerish with it, looking for addresses and the such, I just want to make sure that this person is who they say that they are.  I also am well aware that just because their words match their postings doesn't mean that we're going to be a match and things will end as a fairy tale.  I just want to have my eyes as open as I possibly can... 

Performance Anxiety

Morning and happy hump day!  I have a confession...I suffer from performance anxiety.  Not in the way that you're thinking, but in another way.  I'll give you the scenario and let you give me the advice.  Here we go...

Like most people on Saturday night, I went to a fight party with my cousin/sister/friend.  We were the first guests to arrive so we were just sitting on the couch watching the pre-pre fight.  As we were sitting, I don't know what came over me but I just turned and asked our host's husband if he had any attractive friends coming.  He kinda looked a little thrown off and responded with I have 2 of my best friends coming...but you'll have to determine how attractive they are because I don't look at them like that. Lol Of course not!  (But I'm sure that our host was happy to know that he's not asking other men if they have something in their eye...reference from the movie "Cover".)  Anyway...he mentions that one is single and the other is married (so now I have to discreetly look for a wedding band or a wedding band tan).  Great!  I'm up for a challenge!  So, after having my eyes glued to the door every time they left to escort another guest into their home, he finally comes in.  Only problem is that after that bold conversation that I started, an overwhelming feeling of shame comes over my body.  So much so that I can't even look at the guy.  So, I turn to my CSF and tell her that I can't look at him and she [strongly] suggests that I at least look at him to see if I'm attracted to him or not.  Well...after another 10-15 minutes of scrolling through my Twitter timeline [plug: follow me at @Vonne716 for real time updates], the pre-fight comes on and i'm given an excuse to look up.  As we all engage in a conversation about how old Sugar Shane is and the poor spending habits of athletes, I finally look at him.  He's attractive and very well-spoken. 

I don't provide much one on one conversation, but we have enough.  I admit that I do find him attractive but that's the extent of it.  Since we are in a group of people (and he's sitting in another chair across from me), it's kinda hard to have an intimate conversation...or even put yourself in a position to be (for lack of a better word) courted.  Well...the big fight ends and he excuses himself to the restroom right as we are leaving.  In my opinion, if he was interested then he could've offered to walk out with us and an exchange of numbers could have happened then...but it didn't. In the car, CSF expressed that she didn't feel that I really gave him the feeling that I was interested since I didn't really engage in a lot of conversation with him.  I don't know...I felt that I did.  Anyway, it was brought to the attention of the hosts that I thought he was attractive but that's where it ended.

Bright Side:  I don't know...I just didn't feel like "Oh my goodness! I just really need to pursue this further!".  Maybe because I'm in one of my "If he was interested then he would've found a way to approach me" kind of moods.  I'm just tired of approaching...especially when it yields the same results.  This can (and probably will) change, but as far as right now...he has been left in Saturday.  If our paths somehow cross again, I hope he has his big boy pants on because, although I might have a more to say, I'm not volunteering any of my numeric contact information...he has to ask for it. 

Smitten

Greeting and Salutations!  I have to admit that I am quite smitten with a certain young man that I see on a regular basis.  It's the guy that signed me up at the gym.  He's very handsome and seems to be a nice guy...when we communicate.  Every so often he will ask me about certain aspects of my life, but that will be the extent of the conversation.  We'll call him Brad instead of what I usually call him...(which is my boo, future babydaddy, or something to that effect lol)

I shared my interest with my workout buddy and she decided to inflict a bit of payback one day as we were walking out of our class. (You see...I kinda fronted her while we were out of town...accidentally!)  She decided to pay me back by going up to Brad.  As soon as she announced to me what she was going to do (and that no matter how hard I contested it, she was still going to do it), I made a B-line into the Kid's Club to not have to suffer through the humiliation.  So, she goes up to Brad and asks him about his romantic status...for me.  She then came into the Kid's Club with her report.  Even though I was thoroughly embarrassed that she did it (especially since he kept standing outside of the door watching us for a bit), it was equally good and disappointing to know that he is currently "involved".  I know...bummer, right?!

Well that brings me to Monday.  My little cousin decided to get on the #SummertimeFine train and expressed an interest in joining our workout group.  So I told Brad that she was coming and to hook her up.  She gets there while I'm in class and by the time my class is over, I have an earful of information (that she had to repeat the next day).  So...apparently I'm being watched.  From her story of how Brad confessed that he is aware of my workout schedule (and a few other comments that he made), we came to the conclusion that Brad might be a tad bit smitten with me as well.  Now...I'm not one to break up happy homes (or even unhappy homes), so I'm just going to chill on the knowledge.  Brad and his boo could have parted ways or Brad could just be acting like a man.  Either way...until he comes forward with any type of information then I guess I won't know.  **snaps fingers** oh well...

Bright Side:  Regardless of Brad's relationship status or thoughts/feeling about me, I'm really enjoying going to the gym.  I feel healthier and am elated about the 7.5 lbs that I've shed since I've been going!  It's nice to see that hard work pays off...and it's even nicer to have a little eye candy while I'm walking into the gym.  Work Hard, Play Harder!

One For The Road

So I know that I was supposed to post last week...but that ain't happen. Lol I do have a few minutes of freedom now so I felt the need to share...

Okay...so for my brother's birthday last month we went out to a new spot [for me].  I haven't been out to a lounge/club in a while because that's not really my scene anymore.  I don't mind hanging out there once in a while, but the every day of the week partying in the club was left in year 26. 

While I was trying to convince my brother that he'd had enough libations for the evening, I noticed a tall, dark, and very handsome man across the walkway from us.  I didn't say anything in the beginning because I like to sit back and observe for a bit.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do too much observing because the clock was creeping on 12:30 am and it was getting mighty close to my bedtime.  We moved to another area of the spot and my yawns started coming on closer and closer so I knew it was time for me to head to the door.  When I finally convinced myself to throw caution to the wind and approach the guy, he was gone.  Now I figured that he hadn't left altogether (since his friend was still standing at the bar), but he was out of my line of sight.  Oh well...guess it wasn't meant to be! 

As I drove home, I kept thinking to myself "what if?" and my imagination got the best of me so I picked up the phone and let my fingers do the walking.  I reached into my 15 year old bag of tricks and had my brother's girlfriend handle the situation for me.  She passed on my information and I let that be.  (I do not suggest anyone taking that course of action because it saves a lot of questions and confusion to just do it yourself)  About a week later I received a text message from the guy.  We went through the usual introductions but then I realized that I didn't ask him if he was involved.  Conversation went a little like this:

RR:  "So I don't think I asked you if you were involved.  I would hate to interfere."

Midtown:  "I am, but I don't mind if you interfere"

RR: *blank stare*  "Umm...I'm sure that your wife/girlfriend would mind, so it was nice meeting you and enjoy the day"

MT:  "Girlfriend and you enjoy your day too"

Really?  I appreciate the honesty upfront, but did he really think that I was going to be cool with 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, 5th) place?  I don't know how other females do it, but I'm too selfish to share and I wouldn't want to do that to another female and I know how it feels to be the one thinking that your relationship is gravy and there's another woman there.   

Bright Side:  Like I said, I appreciate the honesty.  He could've said no and I could've ended up in a very bad situation.  Good blogging for you...bad times for me.  Anyway, enjoy your weekend and be safe!

If you're in Houston, come out to the Open Armz of Hope poetry reading on Sunday, April 15th at Fox Hollow (4617 Nett Street, Houston, Texas) from 3p - 6p.  There's no cover charge, but they are asking for a $5 donation (all proceeds from this event will go to Open Armz of Hope, a non-profit organization)

Guilty!

Oh boy how time flies!  It's been over a month since I've posted and I'm feeling a little guilty.  I had to take a break for a trip and getting my life together, but I have a few stories to tell and I'll start posting them next week.  Until then...

Have a great week/weekend!

Feeling Some Kinda Way Today?

In honor of the life and talent of Ms. Whitney Houston, I picked two videos that (I feel) are the soundtrack of the day for both the attached and unattached: "The Greatest Love of All" and "Million Dollar Bill".  We loved the way Ms. Houston's music made us feel and we will be forever grateful for the talent that God allowed us to witness.  She will be forever missed.

I woke up this morning and I felt a little different.  Not because I'm in a somber state because I don't have a significant other, but because I'm not affected by the fact that I don't have a significant other.  I'm not sure if I've shared this but, in times past, I used to be a really angry person on Valentine's Day.  I would wear all black and say "Bah Humbug" when greeted with a "Happy Valentine's Day!".  I'm guessing that after 6 years of not having a Valentine, I've learned how to handle it.  This year, I didn't feel any of the pressure to entertain foolishness just to have someone tell me Happy Valentine's Day...I have plenty of friends on Facebook and followers on Twitter who did just that (and I didn't have to buy them anything).  Instead, I chose to visit two of my favorite retailers and send myself a little a lot of  somethin', somethin's.  Why can't I be we be our own Valentine?  Aren't we supposed to love ourselves more anyway?  I think so!  If you don't love yourself then how can someone else love you? 

Usually I spend this day out with my little brother, but this year I'll be going to the gym with my ls (she's whipping me into shape for Mexico in November) and then I'll be taking myself out...do some more reflection on my growth from last year to this year and just enjoy being able to see another day.  Today shouldn't be about the love that you feel that you don't have, but more about the love that you do.  Plus, if I was in a relationship, I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't want my significant other to recognize today (I'm still a human and most importantly, an emotional female! lol), but I would want him to show me how much he loves me everyday.  Why can't Valentine's Day be 365 days...isn't it more about the action of love and not just the gift? But what do I know...I haven't had a significant other as a Valentine in 7 years. Lol

Bright Side:  Enjoy this day with those that you love and who love you in return.  It doesn't have to be a romantic love, but it could be a celebration of love with your friends and family.  It's only one day and it will be over in less than 24 hours!
   

Cougar Training...

Well...I tried.  I really did try.  After about a day or two of playing phone tag, I was finally able to sit and have a conversation with EC (Eye Candy from last week's post).  Or at least I tried to.  I think we may have talked for about 10 minutes before the first interruption came.  Now, I didn't think too much of it because sometimes people call and you have to click over...I get it.   But when he returned, the interruptions started coming a lot more frequently.  It was like he clicked over every 5 minutes!  Eventually, he just said that he would just call me back.  This went on everyday for the past week.  He called me, like clockwork, every day when he got off and within 20 minutes of the conversation he told me he would call me back.  I'm sorry but I just can't deal with that...especially when the person doesn't see anything wrong with it.

You see...in that first 10 minutes of the conversation I learned that this young man (yes...YOUNG) was only 22!  W.T.H?  I'm way too young to be in "cougar training"!  Then, he felt it necessary to share his stories of a very "challenging" (idk what to call being pimped by an older lady...I can't make this stuff up, even if I tried) upbringing.  His mind was on his money...literally.  I believe that he told me that when he's in a relationship he wouldn't be intimate with another woman but he would give her his time if she paid him for it.  Umm...excuse me?  Are you being serious?  Am I being punk'd? 

Needless to say there were a number of things that troubled me about this guy.  Finally, I had to just tell him straight up that I didn't have time for the constant phone tag and foolishness.  Aside from the scary stories, I could see some intelligence, a love of God (I know...hard to believe, right?  But who am I to judge?), and some potential...if he was ready.  But, he's not and I don't have time for a "project".  He still has time to get his life together and hopefully he does it sooner than later.

Bright Side:  I told you that at least I would have a story to tell!  But I'm glad that I decided to let it go up front than let it keep going and having a headache about it later.  I don't know what to say...I kinda felt bad because I thought that I might be able to be the light in a room full of darkness but I also felt like you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped.  During our brief conversations, I was able to put some things on his mind but not enough to make him see that as easy as money comes, it goes even faster with one inaccurate step.  I just had to say a prayer and let it go...

Who Should You Allow To Pursue You?

Greetings!  Okay so I had a very interesting topic to discuss today.  I'll give you a little bit of the background first.  My job is very, very lax.  My boss talks to me about different topics all of the time and one of them happens to be relationships.  I've said this before, but her husband has even tried (and is still trying) to hook me up.  I don't mind...it could turn out to be a love connection, a great blog post, or both!  But anyway, she and I have very different views on dating and the caliber of men that I should allow to pursue me.

I think we all have our idea of the "Ideal Man" that we want to be with.  Personally, I would prefer someone God-fearing, loving, taller than me, educated, intelligent (because being intelligent and educated are two very different things), attractive, protective (not overbearing), and just a genuinely good person.  I don't think that these things are too much to ask, but I can compromise on some of them too. 

I was working an event on Saturday and I saw some really nice "eye candy"(EC).  Normally at these events, all I see are old men and a bunch of kids but this EC was an unfamiliar face.  I inquired, one thing led to another, and we exchanged numbers.  Now, EC is a worker...he works with his hands and out in the sun and, 9 times out of 10, he doesn't have any education outside of the normal K-12.  For me, this isn't a deal breaker.  We haven't had the opportunity to converse but from the source that started the ball rolling, he is intelligent and has a good head on his shoulders.  I feel like I could be passing up the person who could really make me happy just because he doesn't fit my idea of an ideal match for me.  (Not saying that he will be the "end all, be all", but you never know what might happen.  He could be someone who treats me better than anyone with 4,5,6 degrees would ever treat me or he could be just as bad as them...everyone is different and you never know until you find out.) 

Now, my boss feels otherwise.  She feels like if you went through all of that hard work to attain your degrees that you should find someone who has done the same.  But she isn't the person who will be in the relationship.  She sees what's on the outside and I prefer to see what's on the inside.  Are you a hard worker?  How do you treat your mother?  As long as he isn't involved in any illegal activities or running around like a whore monger, why not see what he's talking about?  This should be a pretty interesting experience!  It kinda reminds me of the Monty/Julia relationship in "Daddy's Little Girls".

Bright Side:  This is the good part of being single...being able to visit the buffet and put whatever you want on your tray to find out if you like it or not.  We'll see what happens and you'll be the first to know!

Dealbreaker?

This past Saturday I had the opportunity to hang out with a more seasoned group of ladies while watching Bearkat and Texans football.  I had so much fun listening to stories of sponsorship and foolishness.  It was somewhat interesting (and a little scary) to know that foolishness knows no age.  Seriously, is this what I have to look forward to in the coming years?!  One of the stories that was brought to the table for discussion was one that I have yet to encounter.  Let me share (and yes, I did get permission)...

This lovely, 40+ lady (Bonita) met a guy (Reggie) out and about.  One day when they were conversing, they decide to meet up.  Now...this was an impromptu date.  When they finally met at Subway, they ordered and proceeded to pay.  The male (also 40+) pulls out a buy one, get one free foot long coupon.  Now Bonita is a little taken aback by Reggie's decision to use a coupon on one of their first outings.  And on top of all of that, Bonita ordered a 6 inch sandwich instead of a footlong so Reggie had to order another footlong on his own (which he said that he would eat for lunch on another day).  Really?  I understand the concept of frugality, but can we at least wait until date 5,6, or 7...when we are really comfortable with each other? 

So the discussion at the table was if you felt like this was acceptable behavior or not.  Personally, I think that he should've waited to use the coupon with his boys or for lunch one day, especially since he still ended up keeping the other sandwich for another day anyway.  But maybe that's just me (and the other ladies at the table).

Bright Side:  Maybe this means that he is awesome at saving and building for the future?  idk...that's probably a stretch but it's all that I got!

New Year, New Boys (Hopefully)!

What up everybody?  I hope that you all had as awesome of a holiday season as I did.  I was off from work for almost 2 weeks so needless to say, it was a struggle to wake up this morning.  I did get to bring in the new year with my family at church, then with 2 really good friends so I have no complaints!  2011 wasn't a bad year for me, but I hope that bringing in the new year with fun and family is a sign that 2012 will be even better than 2011. 

I'm hoping that 2012 is filled with relaxation, love, life,   prosperity, travel, and happiness (and maybe a tad bit of timeliness.  I almost made it to work on time today...dang train! lol) .  I've never been one for setting specific new year's lies resolutions because it's all about continued growth and (I feel) everything else will fall into place.  I can say that I do plan on being a little more adventurous in my dating life.  For example, when I came into work today my boss told me that her husband met a guy at a diner that she thinks would be a good fit for me.  My only response was to tell her to go for it!  Let's just say that 2012 is already starting off on an interesting note. 

Let's see what the rest of the year has in store for us...

        Happy 2012!