SWITCH!

Well...I have a good story for you today!  I was out hanging with the girls one night when one of my friends, Nia, asked me about my blog.  I was telling her about how I love it and she told me that she has a "situation" that she wanted me to share with my readers and wanted their honest advice...so here it is:

Nia is caught up in a situation, to say the least.  She works long days at her company so she and her coworkers spend a lot of time together.  So it was no surprise when she started dating her coworker, Aaron, secretly.  Their relationship ended, but now she's fallen for a new guy, Mike, who just happens to be another co-worker.  Now, it's not like the two (Aaron & Mike) are so far removed from each other that they'll never cross paths.  In fact, Aaron and Mike have a casual (we play video games together) relationship. 

Nia has yet to inform Mike about her past relationship with Aaron, and doesn't know if she should.  She and Aaron are still friends (and Aaron has a hater brother who works in the same dept as Nia and Mike and would gladly spill the relationship beans). 

Nia's question is: "What Should She Do?"  Personally, I think that she should tell Mike about Aaron.  I don't see how it would end better if she doesn't...but that's just my two cents. 

Bright Side: At least someone's dating regularly up in this piece!  Just kidding, just kidding!

"Up In The Air..."

Okay, so during my brief hiatus I was able to squeeze in some blog-worthy fun in.  It all started one day when I met 2 of my friends for lunch.  We started talking about the blog that I had just posted and the subject turned to me, my "must-haves", and what went wrong with the guy that I that I posted about.  After listing my short (but very manageable) list, Jen decided that she and Ashlee were going to set up a dating reality show style intervention on me. 

After lunch, Jennifer de-friended me on FB (so that I couldn't start searching for who he might be and he couldn't search for me) and started the process.  To my surprise, she came up with someone for me to go out with.  (Now, I'm a bit of a control freak so I had Jen move the date up from the Sunday after next to the upcoming Sunday).  Well, everything was set logistically so now I had to go through a wardrobe and pre-date intervention. Lol  I pretty much knew what I wanted to wear, but it had to be "approved" by the executive directors of this program. Lol So my top and bottom were approved, but my shoes were veto-d (who knew that wearing a pair of nice, fashion-forward, sky high booties conveyed a "come and get it" vibe?  Not me!).  After pulling out about 5 pair of heels, we got it figured out.  So after we found my perfect outfit, I had to practice my "sexy walk" (even though I was already going to be seated at the table when he arrived).    That was a major #FAIL!  I'm too silly to really be able to practice anything like that.  And even if I did come up with something "acceptable" then, it would not be executed in the same manner. Lol

During the "mock date", I couldn't keep a straight face either.  Ashlee and Jenn kept trying to mimic the mannerisms of a male, but it just made me laugh even harder.  We went through the basic questions and how I would normally respond vs. a more polite way to respond.  I usually try to put a positive, bright side spin on my words but it doesn't always help.  It was a fun Saturday and I felt pretty ready to meet this guy on Sunday.

Bright Side:  It's so much better to go through this process with people who genuinely care about your happiness and well being.  I'm so blessed to have great friends, great family, and great friends who become family/family who becomes friends!  I'll let you know how Sunday went later! 

Random's Room

Ahh! I have a confession to make...LinkedIn got me caught up!  (Actually, I did it to myself and I just used LinkedIn)  So, I came across the name of the company that an old-friend of mine (translation: someone that I used to talk to) works for.  It instantly reminded me of how he was a pretty good guy.  He was nice, educated, CUTE, he did use "conversate" (omg that makes my flesh crawl!  I absolutely HATE that phrase...not on topic, but I really wanted to slap Jackie for saying "conversating" on Monday's episode of BBW: LA...trying to be all proper saying "conversating"! Ugh) but that wasn't a deal breaker...anymore. So, I looked up his name on LinkedIn and he appears!  I send the invite, and he accepts.  I talk to a friend of mine because I wasn't sure what to say?  I can't just randomly send someone that I hadn't spoken to in 3 years a LinkedIn invite and not follow up with something...right?  I mean, I could but I was trying to see if I could rekindle something...  She gives me a good intro that I send (in my own words of course) and a couple of hours later, he responds with a "Good reconnecting with you too".  Ahh yes!  The glimmer of hope!  So, I ask what he's been up to...then I get a "Oh, nothing me and my wife are getting ready to have our first child..." (I don't know what else it said after that because I needed an air pump to re-inflate my face).  But what did I really expect?  It has been about 3 years since I last spoke to the man!  He is allowed to have his own life and he obviously has been living it.  What can I say?Bright Side:  Just another reason why it wasn't meant to be!  Lol Idk I knew better, but I still wanted to see what would happen.  Well...lesson learned!  No more looking backward, gotta keep my focus (and my actions) focused on what's ahead!

Best Thing...

Yes, I was off yesterday but I spent the entire day helping my mother move and then I went straight to rehearsal for my friend/line sister's wedding tonight.  I'm super excited for @tjflenoy and Joe Driver's wedding tonight!  (Twitter Trending Topic: #tiffandjoesayIdo)

But as promised, here's the story that I was supposed to share yesterday.  There was a guy that I dated off and on from 9th grade until sometime last year.  I usually am not the type to go back and forth, but with him it was a little different.  Every time that we stopped dating, it wasn't because he did something wrong of was messing with someone else, but because it just phased out for the moment.  I guess you could call him my "Go-To Guy".  He was the one I could "go to" when I wasn't in a relationship and just wanted to go out or for companionship.  This was all the case up until I found out that the entire time we were dating/talking/in a relationship/whatever you want to call it, he was doing the same thing with another girl, who happened to be the mother of his child.  Fun times, right?  Well, when I found out I didn't go ballistic, I just sent my "closure" text and kept it moving.  I guess the thing to know about me is that when I'm in a relationship,  I take on the other person's friends too.  Many times I would be the only female with him and his friends or his cousins watching the game, hanging out at the house, whatever because that's me.  They were cool, so we were cool.

One of GTG's cousins (Chris) and I were really cool.  I tried to hook him up with one of my friends, we traded music, he even was the one to try to give me advice on GTG. (This story is not going where you think it's going...so just read).  Anyway, this group was really cool so when I found out that GTG was still messing with his BM (baby mama) and I left him alone, his friends/cousins went with him.  Now, I didn't expect for his friends to dime him out, but if they knew that he was still with her (which I'm sure they did), then Chris shouldn't have been so adamant about making sure GTG & I stayed together.  He could have just been cool when we all hung out and left it like that. 

Fast Forward to the present...a couple of months ago I got a message from one of his friends shooting the breeze and asking why I let GTG do some of the foolish things that he did.  And I had to explain that he was a grown man I can't "let" anyone do anything.  But, last week I got a message on the online dating site from Chris.  I'll post the message (verbatim) and let you draw your own conclusions.  I will tell you that all I could do was laugh. 

he said September 28

Well, well, well! I run into you again, except on here instead of ******* Ms. Random Rambler! Clearly both sites think we are compatible for some reason. I never quite understood why you ex-communicated me because things didn't workout between you and my cousin. I thought we were cool, but, it is what it is. You're an intelligent, driven and attractive woman, so, I'm sure you won't be on here long. But, good luck!

you said September 30

Just like I told ********, because you knew the entire time that GTG was actually still with ******'s mother. Not that I expected you to rat out your cousin, but you were actively trying to get us together. But, it's the past and I'm moving forward.

Good Luck to you as well.


he said September 30

So, misinformed sweetheart...smh. Do your thang RR

Bright Side:  A couple of friends and I got a pretty good laugh about this and I didn't respond because there was no need.  It's over and done and I sleep just fine with my decision.  But, remind me to tell you the story of his interaction with another friend of mine...the world is truly a small place!

Have a great weekend!

**Updated** Am I being too critical?

No, this is not a figment of your imagination! I'm actually writing a post on time! Yay for me! Anyway, not too long ago the accountant that works in our office was telling me about the guys that she was meeting on a new online dating site; some of them horror stories and some not that bad.  After my dilemma with the other site ("Vetta Says I Told You So"), I was a little hesitant to try it. But since [I'm trying to be] a little more open, I decided to give online dating another try. Surprisingly after I created and submitted my profile, I had a couple of hits and a full inbox and the messages keep rolling in. (I also saw someone that I knew viewed my page...talk about one of my worst fears coming to life.)

Now, I'm pretty careful about what type of information that I put on websites, both for safety and for fear of coming across unintelligent. I know what I think when I read headlines that say "flyer than the rest" or "Im Tx best kept secret" (y'all this man was wearing a 3 piece WHITE suit with a powder blue hat! I know why Texas keeps him a secret!) I also know that sometimes I can be a little critical, but I feel that on an online dating site you have to put your best foot forward because you only have one first impression. For instance, I typically won't send someone a message (I have to really like the picture, the description, and how they've answered the questions) and I understand that it's sometimes hard to make the first move, but I think that some of these men need proofreaders. It's not like you are walking up to someone and you are so nervous that the words just come out all wrong. Online you have the ability to read and re-read (or allow someone else to proofread) your message before you hit the send button. So am I in the wrong for having high expectations? Let me give you an example of the message that I received this morning: "Hey what's up I saw you had looked at my page and I wanted to say hi hope to here back from you" I just received an email from the site saying that I had a new message and this is the foolishness that was sent:

"how are you doing cutie. my name is [name deleted to protect those who don't believe in spellcheck]. was just browsing through..and your page caught my attention. i think you are cute and you seem..like you are more responsible and decnet.i think you are really cute,..even though i dont have the opportunity to chat with you right now but..i have the opportunity to write you. it wil be my pleasure to get to..know you if you dont mind. i am from the islands and you pretty much..look like one of us. wouldu you mind if we exchange numbers and get to..talk to each other more?pls reply my message and i hope i talk to upi sooon" 

or this one:

"hey baby gurl, you are beautiful, if u jus gav me a chance, ill b yo guardian angel, for you ill bring you the moon, ill b the man you never had and the one you always wanted, an all you hav to do is wake up in the morning an ill take it frm there.. i realy hope to hear frm you soon, when prayers go up blessing come down, i jus hope you catch the one thats being given to you right now.. :)i really do think you are very beautifull, and very..."
I don't know...maybe I'm being a little too critical.


Bright Side: My other messages haven't been too bad. If nothing else comes from this experience, at least I'll have new material for you! Lol

"Let's Try This Ooooone More Time..."

It's so crazy how the weirdest things always happen to me.  Sometimes so weird to where I think about if I was being told some of the stories that I tell my friends (and blog readers), I probably wouldn't believe it.  But the killing part is that every one of my stories are true and at least one (sometimes two) of my friends can vouch for me.  Well...last Saturday was one of those times. 

So last weekend was sooo crazy! I had so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it.  After I left my grandmother's program at church, I went by the Sprint store to transfer my numbers from my old phone into my new phone. So I'm sitting and waiting for the service tech to bring me my phone when this random guy starts talking to me.  Now, I'm my grandfather's child so I'll sit and talk to anyone.  So we are sitting and he asks me what I do and then he starts telling me about his daughter and how she's trying to set up a non-profit.(I promise, at times, telling someone that you work for a non-profit is like telling someone that you're a producer/AR rep/tv producer, etc.  They feel the need to start telling you all of their ideas and asking for all types of things!  But anyways...) So then he asks if I'm married (Umm...sir. Your wedding band is still on your finger.  Are you really trying to go there?) I reply "No", he then asks "boyfriend?" and I reply, "Not yet".  So then he goes in for the kill!  "I have a coworker who used to play basketball overseas and I think that you two should meet."  (Umm...excuse me?  Is this total stranger really trying to set me up on a blind date?  Who does that?) He leaves the store, I get my phone, and that was supposed to be the end.

Or so I thought...about 2 days later I get a Facebook message from the guy from the Sprint Store.  (I should've used my alias, Nia.)  He starts telling me about his friend and asks for my number.  I think about it and I'm like "Hmm...why not?  I'm not getting anywhere by meeting men on my own."  So I politely tell him that I'm not giving him my phone number but that his friend can email me.  Then I give him the email that I normally use for club promoters and spam. lol  So the guy emails me and he uses "converse" instead of "conversate" (CHECK) and he seems to be pretty intelligent (DOUBLE CHECK).  He calls and I'm at work so I don't answer.  I call back and we have a pretty good conversation.  He was funny, educated, nice...all the things that a woman would want except...he is 43! Yes FOURTY-THREE!!! Instantly, I just started playing the part in Daddy's Little Girls when Julia (Gabrielle Union) goes out with the 40 year old who wants to be a rapper who asks for skrimps.  If you don't know what I'm talking about then you need to view this...



For some unknown reason his friend thought that I was in my 30's (I don't know how since most people say that I look younger than my age, but he did say something about the way that I carry myself...if that's the case then I guess being mistaken for a woman in her30's isn't all that bad. lol)

Soo last night we go out to eat and I actually had a good time.  We had a pretty good conversation and he seems like a really good guy.  Things did get a little awkward (for me) when he would make comments about a long term relationship because I kept looking at him like an uncle or someone.  I mean, really, the dude is 3 years younger than my mother...I JUST.CANT.DO.IT!  So after last night, I had to send the message about being bothered by the age difference and he completely understood (it's kinda hard not to understand when there is a 17 year difference in age).  Sucks because maybe if he were younger or I were older, things would be different but oh well!


Bright Side: The entire time that I was at dinner, I kept thinking about the person who he would be perfect for.  Hopefully, they're both receptive to the idea and maybe big things can happen for them!  **fingers crossed**

Vetta say's "I Told You So!"

So I am a member of THE best sorority in the world (proven fact that it's the BIGGEST, BOLDEST :) ).  It just so happens that I was able to go through the process of joining this organization with a couple of friends of mine.  Well...one of my frienisters (friend & sister) has been threatening to secretly complete a profile on a dating site for me.  When she first said it I was like NO!  I felt like dating sites were for desperate losers.  I mean, who really tries to meet someone online?  I guess I watch too much CSI and Without A Trace because I was also pretty paranoid.  Like I would set up a profile then all of a sudden have a cyber stalker who turns into a real-life stalker and long story short, I end up going all J-Lo in Enough on his monkey tail. But anyway...after reading what I call the Black Woman's Monthly Bible, I saw an article about trying a new way of dating if your current method isn't really working out for you.  So, since it's in this magazine that I think is the best thing since sliced bread then it must be okay, right?  I go to the website that they listed as the best but it's just my luck that my city isn't currently being serviced.  But the bright side is that they list a couple of other reputable sites to try out. 

So one day I actually get up the nerve to create a profile.  I browse through the people they have recommended for me.  When I first start to scroll down the page I'm like "Dang...is this who I should be dating?" Those 10 cats and that rocking chair on the porch is looking preeeetty good to me right about now.  Then I look at the left hand bar of the screen and I see that I have a message in my inbox.  That was fast!  So I check out the vitals on his profile...picture - cute (forehead a little big, but beggars can't be all that picky), age - within the 25-30 range, grammar - had to check the technology dictionary for the definition of "nu" and "wez" (won't be expecting a 4-page letter from him), height - 5'10 (ehhh...).  Now, in the back of my mind I was thinking that I needed to delete him, but I told Vetta (my intuition, not to be confused with Gretta my inner fat girl who likes to come out and play from time to time) to just hush and let me see what happens.

I wait a day to respond to the message (I don't want to seem too eager...but I do have to keep in mind that I am on an online dating site [insert self-judgement here]).  I finally respond and he asks me for my number.  I'm a little hesitant but I rationalize giving him my number by thinking about how well I know a guy who approaches me at a restaurant, the mall, or any other public place.  Again I shush Vetta and give up the 10 (digits).  Cyber So-So (not quite a hottie but he's not a dog either) and I have an interesting chat. I find out that in lieu of college he decided to go into the armed forces (can't knock it...i likes my freedom) and that he seems to be an individual that I don't mind sharing my time with.  We make a meeting date to meet up at a well-lit, safe, public venue with PLENTY of security. The night of the meeting comes and when I get there I park close to the entrance (can't be too sure...crazies come in all colors, sizes, shapes, etc.) and go in.  I get there early so I can position myself to see him before he sees me, that way I can make a mad dash to the door if I need to.  I'm lying...I really wanted to get there early so that I could play a few games before he arrived lol.  He comes through to the Midway and he is ALMOST like his profile. He's a little shorter than he noted and his forehead isn't as big as I thought...his nose is but again, beggars can not be all that picky.  So that meeting comes & goes and it's cool.  He calls a couple of days later and we make an official date.  (Note: I really didn't consider that a date but more like a meeting...bceause it was the first face-to-face interaction, plus I didn't drink or eat.  We just sat and talked)

The actual date comes around and he decides that he wants to go to a nice restaurant.  I arrive on time.  5 minutes pass...10 minutes...15 minutes...still no signs of CSS (Cyber So-So).  I finally call to see what's up and guess what?  Yep, he forgot what time we were supposed to meet up.  Now, I didn't just waste a hour trying to put together a perfectly prepared outfit so I sit there and finally after about 25 minutes CSS shows up.  We talk and I'm thinking that maybe the internet wasn't a bad place to explore after all.  Well...end of the meal comes and the waiter brings the check.  CSS opens the bill, looks at it, closes the bill, then sets it on the table.  I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't want the night to end so he's not ready to pay. Then excuses himself to go to the restroom.  Now, I've watched enough dating shows to know to watch people.  So I'm watching JUST to make sure that he doesn't have the audacity to leave and skip out on the check.  (one reason I always sit facing the door...call me overly-skeptical but I call it extreme caution) So anyway, CSS comes back to the table, opens the bill again (like the amount changed), closes it again and starts to look in his wallet.  I'm thinking to myself  "What the hell...not again, please not again!"  Well he pulls out his bankcard and pays.  [insert sigh of relief here]  Well when the waiter comes back, CSS looks at me and is like "You got the tip?" under his breath.  I'm looking a little puzzled, then I reply "Come again?"(I must admit that I'm a little irritated and I did say that with a slight attitude)  At this point he decides to put a little bass in his voice and increase his volume "Do you have the tip?"

Side Bar:  Now...I do not mind paying for a meal or chipping in with the tip IF the activity was my idea, IF we have been dating a while, or IF we are just cool like that.  BUT if YOU asked ME out, then it is expected that you cover the costs...ALL of them.  And I also expect for you to check the online menu for the establishment so that you know what type of costs you should be expecting to hit your account after you submit payment or pick another place.  So in this case, I was definitely disgusted and offended but I handled it.

I hand over something for tip, say goodbye, and get up to leave (why waste anymore of my time?).  Needless to say his calls and texts went unanswered and I have yet to revisit the site again.  While I was driving home, all I could hear was Vetta saying "I told you so!".

So what do you think...was this too harsh of a response?

FUMBLE!

So last night as I was sitting on the couch (dating season is a little slow) upset that a new Grey's Anatomy wasn't going to be on, my cousin calls me and tells me about a friend from out of town who wants to go watch the game.  My first question is "is he cute?" (I know, I know...I'm such a single female) Now, I can watch sports if I'm out & about or if I'm watching it with someone but you won't catch me at home watching March Madness on my own.  But anyway, we set a time and we meet up at the spot.  When she walks up to the guy, I'm thinking to myself that he was DEFINITELY worth getting off my couch for.  Allow me to paint a picture...tall (I'm 5'9 1/2 and he had at least a good 5-6 inches on me), very handsome, very nice smile, gorgeous eyes, educated, intelligent, my frat brother, and most importantly, very down to Earth...my cousin never fails me (Thanks J-Cheezie).  Now, he says his age (3 years younger than me) but that's something that can be overlooked, especially if I can't guess his age by having a conversation with him. 

So we're all sitting in the bar area watching college basketball when the waiter comes over to take our order.  Well, I don't know what exactly happened because when I came to out of La-La Land, I just saw beer shooting over the table AT me and I just felt cold, wet liquid all over my jeans, my shirt, and my scarf.  He was MORTIFIED (as well he should be).  So I'm pretty quick on my feet. I take the scarf off, put my jacket on, and zip it up...I'm still wet and smell like beer, but I'm presentable and no one would be able to tell.  So I'm cool and the night goes on...

Bright Side: He paid for my ticket and he ended up being a pretty cool guy.  By the end of the night, I forgot that he even spilled the drink on me.

Oops!

So...a new friend of mine (STRICTLY a FRIEND) invited me to his birthday events.  When I made it known that it is very important to celebrate ON your birthday, he then decided to have a small get together at a local restuarant on his actual birthday.  So he sends me a text message informing me of the logistics and I was like "Cool, I'll be there."  Now, this is just a homie buuuuut we talk on an overly regular basis.  For the most part, we talk almost everyday (not one-sided either, I contact him & he contacts me) and we've grown to be pretty close friends.  The evening of the birthday dinner comes and I'm in the parking garage with my cousin and her fiancee.  Dude walks straight past us (with another female).  Now my cousin says that she saw him give a slight wave but I didn't see it.  Dude was walking fast...like extreme power walking fast.  By the time we got to the restaurant, they were already upstairs and on the patio and chilling like they had been there a minute.  We get to the rest of the group and he just stands there with a crazy look on his face.  Now, I'm not sure what exactly is going on because like I said before "we're just friends".  But, as the bigger person, I go over and speak to him and the girl.

The entire time that we are there, his friends are making a big deal of the situation.  Not the awkwardness of his situation with me, but of the situation with him and the girl he brought.  Please note that we are at 2 separate tables, I'm sitting with his best friend, my cousin, and her fiancee and he and the girl are at the other table.  By the end of the night, I was just ready to go so when my cousin announced that she was leaving, I jumped up and left with her.  Why sit there to celebrate someone's birthday when they barely acknowledged my existence?  Like I just crashed the party...uh no dude you invited me.

So yeah...extreme awkwardness at it's finest.