Ehh...

What up?  I'm back with a story (or two) to tell.  Okay so remember a couple of weeks ago I told you that I signed back up with a dating site?  Well, I have since deactivated the account...again.  I don't know if I did it for the lack of requests or messages that I could actually take seriously or because it wasn't any more comfortable/meaningful than meeting communicating with random men in person.  I don't knock anyone for trying it, but I now know (without a shadow of a doubt) that online dating is just not for me.  But, I did get some blog-worthy material from it.  Gotta little story to tell...wanna hear it?  Here it go...

Okay so there was one guy on the site who viewed my profile, but didn't send a message.  I thought he was attractive (online) so I decided to reach out to him.  We messaged back and forth and ended up exchanging numbers.  After a text conversation, I asked where he lived and he replied the exact same intersection to where I live.  FREAKY! So, I asked if it was a particular complex and he said yes...and followed up with a phone call.  So, it turns out that we live in the same complex and I've seen him before.  Matter of fact, the Saturday before we parked right in front of each other and he saw me, but I was so tired and zoned out that I didn't pay him any attention.  So, we met up later that night and he didn't quite look the way he did on the picture.  It wasn't like he used someone else's picture (because when he moved his head in certain directions, I could see the resemblance), but it wasn't him.  His picture was more like younger Brian McKnight, but in reality he was like a distant cousin twice removed on his mother's side...you get my drift?  But, I decided to roll with it since he could turn out to be a good guy...and I was right (that night).  We watched the game and had a  pretty good conversation.

That next Sunday, he came by to say what's up and he asked me to come to his basketball game.  Now, it was pouring down raining outside, but I was like cool, I'll roll with you.  He was like cool and he left to go change.  After I changed clothes I shot him over an "I'm ready" text and he hit me back with a "I already left".  Umm...excuse me?  YOU asked ME to come to your game, told me that it was cool that I ride with you, THEN YOU LEFT ME?  I let it ride and was like cool.  Fast Forward to that next Wednesday.  He had been sending me texts about being sick, so I was like I have some tea and honey you can have.  He was like "I'm on my way into the garage, so you mind if I come pick it up and go back home to rest?"  I was like "That's cool...I was actually going to bring it upstairs so you don't even have to come down here."  He hit me with a "Just parked.", so I waited a couple of minutes, then took the tea upstairs.  I knock on the door and a chick opens the door.  I ask if Damon is there and she's like "No, he's not here."  Okay cool...I go back home.  I didn't text Damon or call, I just went back home.  About 5 mins later, there's a knock on my door and it's who?  Yep...Damon.  I casually told him that I tried to take it upstairs but the chick who answered said that he wasn't there.  He didn't even flinch as he asked me for a hug and I politely closed the door in his face...softly.  About 20 mins later I get a missed call (I looked at my phone when it was ringing and decided not to answer), then a series of texts saying that she was an old friend who he never had sex with who decided to come take care of him because he was sick and he kicked her out because she answered his door.  (yes, I know that was a run on...this piece is probably filled with grammatical errors!)  I wasn't angry.  To be honest, I wasn't even phased.  I just responded "It is what it is" and that sent him off.  He was like "I'm trying to apologize and you're acting nonchalant!" (Pause: How am I supposed to act?  Am I supposed to go into psycho-girl mode?  No thank you!  My grandmother always taught me "Don't Give Them The Satisfaction!")  Well, my calm demeanor wasn't what he wanted so he decided to try to keep the fire going...I decided to go to sleep.  Needless to say I received a number of texts about how he missed me (sir, you don't know me) and such.  I finally responded that I wasn't mad.  We were just friends (hanging out) so there's no need for all of that "Are we going to be anything?" or "Should I just give up on us?"  (His words, not mine)

Frankly, I was really quite turned off with the inconsiderate action of leaving me and then texting me about it later, and I was just numb to any feelings when the chick answered the door and he waited 20 mins to respond instead of when I gave him the opportunity at my door.  I don't have time for games and I would rather let it go now then wonder why I didn't leave it alone years down the line. 

Bright Side: I'm growing...paying attention to the signs when they are thrown instead of ignoring them.  **pats self on back and gives myself a hug**

Friendship Cleaning

My friends call me the "Social Butterfly" and I have to admit that it's pretty fitting. I enjoy meeting new people and just conversing with anyone...and I mean anyone. I always joke with my core group of friends, most of whom I've known for years, that they are stuck with me FOREVER...and in most cases they are. One friend and I fight like sisters...we've had friendship break-ups, but we always mend our relationship and it comes back stronger than ever. I've never had fall-outs with anyone else like I've had with her that end up making our bond tighter and that's why I consider her a sister. Others, I've never had an argument with, but I've always been able to express my feelings to them about various issues going on in their lives and they've always been able to do the same with me. We have a very open relationship and that works for us, but everyone can’t handle their friendships like we handle ours. Every group of people have very different dynamics that you have to work with, but if you don't have trust as a foundation, then your friendship won't be built on stable ground.


One of my line sister's and I were talking about friendships and how sometimes we see other people's friendships and try to compare the two and start to put those expectations on our friends...which is unfair. We all have grown up differently, and those experiences make us who we are today. After so much time of being who we are, it's hard to make an overnight change. Now, that's not justifying the wrong that we do, but understanding that should help to increase our patience in working with our friends. We all have a choice...we can choose to continue our relationships or we can choose to end them. If we choose to continue them, then we are saying that we accept that person for who they are and we are willing to work with them on changing their undesirable characteristics AND they are willing to do the same for us (because truth be told, there are some serious things about us that we should be working on as well).

As for me, I decided to discontinue a particular relationship because although I was working on the things that I needed to be a better person and a better friend, I didn't feel that they were. Their behavior was starting to be self-destructive and there was a lack of trust. A lack of trust in telling me the whole story when soliciting my advice and opinion, behavior changes, poor judgment, narcissism, and the inability to balance personal relationships and accept responsibility for actions. I didn't end the friendship because this was the first time that it had happened, but because it was becoming a pattern and me continuing to bring these issues up were wasting both of our time and my breathe...especially when she didn't see an issue with these things. I won't say that we will never be friends again (because I know that there is a good person in there...I've seen her before), but it's going to take a lot of soul-searching and self-evaluation on her part before I decide to open myself up again. I could either complain about what was going on or I could do something about it and I chose the latter. It is her life and she can live it in whatever fashion she chooses, but as a real friend I only want to see the best for her. I would like for her inner beauty to shine as brightly as her outer beauty, but I can only want so much. If that’s not the way that she wants to live her life then I can’t force it on her but I also won’t be a play-piece in her game of Life.

Bright Side: Just like I deserve more in a relationship, I deserve the same in a friendship. If it were a guy who was handling our relationship like this, I wouldn't think twice about putting things on hold for re-evaluation...and the same should go for a friendship. Only time will tell what the future holds...

"I Should've KNOWN Better"

Like I stated before, this dating season has been pretty slow for me, so when I received a text message from Mr. "He's Just Not Into Me...", I was like "what the heck?" I didn't have anything else to do that night and going to the movies can't be that bad, right?  WRONG!!!!!  Here's what happened (and please keep the "I told you so" and the "what was she thinking?" to yourself, please.)  So the evening went a little like this...

**Note: If you haven't read "He's Just Not Into Me" please stop, read that one first, then come back to this one or you'll be all kinds of confused. lol**

He sends me text messages during work trying to figure out what I want to see.  I LOVE the movies so I can really go see anything, except horror, and be just as happy as can be.  So when I get off, he asks me to pick him up from a restaurant down the street from my place.  When I get there i'm a little confused as to why he isn't ready to get in the car and go.  He comes out to the car to tell me that he needs to pay his tab.  (I'm thinking why didn't you just use the time that it took to come outside to the car to pay your tab?  But common sense isn't common) ANYWAY...he finally comes outside and we're on our way to the theater.  When I ask him what movie we are going to see, he tells me a horror movie.  Now I know that I told him that I don't do horror movies, so I change it to another movie.  We get to the parking lot and this is where I start to wish that I was the chick from Bewitched and could twinkle my nose and magically transport myself to another place. 

We get to the theater and I'm about to get out of the car when he stops me and starts professing his strong like for me.  I'm looking like "WTH is going on?"  He goes into how he and his best friend are like Will and Grace (may I point out that Will is GAY!!!) and that she told him to tell me how he felt about me.  Then he starts going in on how he wanted me to take him to New York with me and then he holds the bridge of his nose, turns his head away from me, closes his eyes and says "I can't believe I'm telling you all of this." Now...I'm trying to keep my composure but it is SOOOOO hard!  He then tells me that he wants me to be his woman.  Now...he and I have only been out MAYBE 2 or 3 times, we don't talk on the phone, and I barely acknowledge his existence when he does reach out to me.  So imagine my surprise when all of this starts pouring out.  The best I could do was to say "I mean you're cool..."  (sucks to be him)  I didn't know what else to say to make the situation any better.  So, I just opened the door so we could go into the movies and then in the middle of the parking lot he walks up to me, reaches out to caress the side of my face and I'm just hoping that he isn't trying to kiss me.  It was an awkward moment, so I just moved my face and turn around to start walking. 

We get into the movies and he asks me like 5 times if I want anything, tries to hold my hand, and keeps talking to me DURING the movie (I don't talk very much during the movies because I like to focus on what's going on...I don't like to miss anything).  I'm just so annoyed by the time the movie gets to the middle.  I SO wish that we would've just met there (but he doesn't own a car) so I could've just left out of the theater and used that time to catch up on some much needed rest. 

I just don't understand how he doesn't see that he really isn't into females.  Needless to say that no matter how slow my dating season gets, I will NOT be taking him up on anymore offers to hang out.  It's just not worth my sanity or my time.

Bright Side: still working on that one...

This Just Couldn't Wait...

I'm supposed to be working (studying for my GRE that I take on Saturday), but this just couldn't wait.  Remember when I was telling y'all about me purging my phonebook (life) of men who I knew in my heart of hearts weren't what I needed? Well...I was just reminded of why someone was put on that delete list. 

A couple of years ago, I met a guy at a work function.  All odds were against him because he was young and he lived a couple hundred miles away but he was REALLY, REALLY cute.  (Now this is one of those "If I knew then what I know now" moments, but hindsight is 20/20, right?) During our week of hanging out, I found out a lot about him.  He was actually more than just eye candy...he was actually a nice guy.  I soon realized that it was all a front.  Needless to say, after he went home the true colors came out.  He gave me a headache just looking his name in my phonebook.

So now back to the other day when I was deleting numbers out of my phone. I just knew that after I started deleting numbers, something would happen where someone found their way back into my present (yes, i meant present as in present-day and not presence).  I am in love with all things Essence...the magazine, the online site, the online blog, etc, so imagine my surprise when I'm reading one of the articles and I see the youngster's pictures at the bottom of the page.  I immediately stop reading the article and click on the picture and there's a full feature of him as the "Eye Candy of the Week."  (at this point I stop, close out the screen, go back to the page...just had to make sure that I was on the right website) Now I'm one to give credit where credit is due (or subconsciously I just wanted to see if he'd grown up since our last conversation), so I send a message saying just "Congrats, I saw your spread on the website" to which he replied "Ohh thanks babe I appreciate it how r u".  And the rest of the conversation is below...

Me: I'm good. Just working
(the next few messages are just the usual catching up messages until...)

Younster: I wonder how good our love making would have been
Me: (I had to re-read this statement about 3 times before I believed that this dude really asked me this question...and as much as I knew that I needed to just ignore the comment and delete the texting thread, I just HAD to respond) How is something making love when you aren't IN love with them...it's just sex.

Y: Well our sex. I think somewhere in there ur still curious and want 2. right or wrong

Me: I don't think you really understand...see my sex and my time are very important and valuable to me...not everyone gets either one and it's very rare that someone gets both.  You should feel pretty good that you got one of the two.

**more going back & forth with him trying to convice me of how great it would be and me saying no thank you (too long to type & i'm kinda embarassed that I even fell into this conversation) **

Me:I'm done with this convo...we'll just have to agree to disagree. You make my head hurt

Y: I'll give you a massage

M: Sans the happy ending?

Y:Hahaha

M: That's what I thought, I would've come to visit but I don't think you would've been able to handle it

Y: That's fine, I don't have to.  If you trying to keep it platonic just know other females would have probably been dropping by since you're on your miss good good girl

At first I was a little offended but then I realized that I really shouldn't be...I'm the one who entertained the conversation.  I should've just ended it after the catching up part was over...what did I really expect?  Oh well...another day lived and another lesson learned.

Bright Side: Vetta has another win in her column and I now realize that sometimes the past really should stay the past.

Vetta say's "I Told You So!"

So I am a member of THE best sorority in the world (proven fact that it's the BIGGEST, BOLDEST :) ).  It just so happens that I was able to go through the process of joining this organization with a couple of friends of mine.  Well...one of my frienisters (friend & sister) has been threatening to secretly complete a profile on a dating site for me.  When she first said it I was like NO!  I felt like dating sites were for desperate losers.  I mean, who really tries to meet someone online?  I guess I watch too much CSI and Without A Trace because I was also pretty paranoid.  Like I would set up a profile then all of a sudden have a cyber stalker who turns into a real-life stalker and long story short, I end up going all J-Lo in Enough on his monkey tail. But anyway...after reading what I call the Black Woman's Monthly Bible, I saw an article about trying a new way of dating if your current method isn't really working out for you.  So, since it's in this magazine that I think is the best thing since sliced bread then it must be okay, right?  I go to the website that they listed as the best but it's just my luck that my city isn't currently being serviced.  But the bright side is that they list a couple of other reputable sites to try out. 

So one day I actually get up the nerve to create a profile.  I browse through the people they have recommended for me.  When I first start to scroll down the page I'm like "Dang...is this who I should be dating?" Those 10 cats and that rocking chair on the porch is looking preeeetty good to me right about now.  Then I look at the left hand bar of the screen and I see that I have a message in my inbox.  That was fast!  So I check out the vitals on his profile...picture - cute (forehead a little big, but beggars can't be all that picky), age - within the 25-30 range, grammar - had to check the technology dictionary for the definition of "nu" and "wez" (won't be expecting a 4-page letter from him), height - 5'10 (ehhh...).  Now, in the back of my mind I was thinking that I needed to delete him, but I told Vetta (my intuition, not to be confused with Gretta my inner fat girl who likes to come out and play from time to time) to just hush and let me see what happens.

I wait a day to respond to the message (I don't want to seem too eager...but I do have to keep in mind that I am on an online dating site [insert self-judgement here]).  I finally respond and he asks me for my number.  I'm a little hesitant but I rationalize giving him my number by thinking about how well I know a guy who approaches me at a restaurant, the mall, or any other public place.  Again I shush Vetta and give up the 10 (digits).  Cyber So-So (not quite a hottie but he's not a dog either) and I have an interesting chat. I find out that in lieu of college he decided to go into the armed forces (can't knock it...i likes my freedom) and that he seems to be an individual that I don't mind sharing my time with.  We make a meeting date to meet up at a well-lit, safe, public venue with PLENTY of security. The night of the meeting comes and when I get there I park close to the entrance (can't be too sure...crazies come in all colors, sizes, shapes, etc.) and go in.  I get there early so I can position myself to see him before he sees me, that way I can make a mad dash to the door if I need to.  I'm lying...I really wanted to get there early so that I could play a few games before he arrived lol.  He comes through to the Midway and he is ALMOST like his profile. He's a little shorter than he noted and his forehead isn't as big as I thought...his nose is but again, beggars can not be all that picky.  So that meeting comes & goes and it's cool.  He calls a couple of days later and we make an official date.  (Note: I really didn't consider that a date but more like a meeting...bceause it was the first face-to-face interaction, plus I didn't drink or eat.  We just sat and talked)

The actual date comes around and he decides that he wants to go to a nice restaurant.  I arrive on time.  5 minutes pass...10 minutes...15 minutes...still no signs of CSS (Cyber So-So).  I finally call to see what's up and guess what?  Yep, he forgot what time we were supposed to meet up.  Now, I didn't just waste a hour trying to put together a perfectly prepared outfit so I sit there and finally after about 25 minutes CSS shows up.  We talk and I'm thinking that maybe the internet wasn't a bad place to explore after all.  Well...end of the meal comes and the waiter brings the check.  CSS opens the bill, looks at it, closes the bill, then sets it on the table.  I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't want the night to end so he's not ready to pay. Then excuses himself to go to the restroom.  Now, I've watched enough dating shows to know to watch people.  So I'm watching JUST to make sure that he doesn't have the audacity to leave and skip out on the check.  (one reason I always sit facing the door...call me overly-skeptical but I call it extreme caution) So anyway, CSS comes back to the table, opens the bill again (like the amount changed), closes it again and starts to look in his wallet.  I'm thinking to myself  "What the hell...not again, please not again!"  Well he pulls out his bankcard and pays.  [insert sigh of relief here]  Well when the waiter comes back, CSS looks at me and is like "You got the tip?" under his breath.  I'm looking a little puzzled, then I reply "Come again?"(I must admit that I'm a little irritated and I did say that with a slight attitude)  At this point he decides to put a little bass in his voice and increase his volume "Do you have the tip?"

Side Bar:  Now...I do not mind paying for a meal or chipping in with the tip IF the activity was my idea, IF we have been dating a while, or IF we are just cool like that.  BUT if YOU asked ME out, then it is expected that you cover the costs...ALL of them.  And I also expect for you to check the online menu for the establishment so that you know what type of costs you should be expecting to hit your account after you submit payment or pick another place.  So in this case, I was definitely disgusted and offended but I handled it.

I hand over something for tip, say goodbye, and get up to leave (why waste anymore of my time?).  Needless to say his calls and texts went unanswered and I have yet to revisit the site again.  While I was driving home, all I could hear was Vetta saying "I told you so!".

So what do you think...was this too harsh of a response?

He's Just Not That Into Me...

So i've been single for a while...the first 2 1/2 years were by choice and these last 2 1/2 years notsomuch. I always go to my friends and i'm like "Geez...what's the issue? There has to be at least ONE man that fits into my long list of requirements, right?" See...you dont understand, sometimes I feel like Kenya in the movie Something New. When someone asks me about what I am looking for, I start with about 3 or 4 good, solid characterists and then it's like a dam that's been broken, I end up listing almost every positive adjective in the dictionary. So i'm guessing that you can figure out their diagnosis for me...that my standards are too high. Personally, i dont feel that there is anything wrong with my standards, but since I did go to them for advice, I decided to take heed to their advice. One day when I was taking a "Mental Health Day" from work (meaning that I didnt feel like going in), I walked into a women's store in the mall. When I walked in I saw a very handsome man that happened to be working there. At that moment, I decided to take my friends advice and try something new. (Now, you should know that my list did list attributes such as educated...meaning having a degree, ambitious...meaning having a good, corporate job, and stable...meaning having a solid bank account) Well when I started picking up items to try on, he came over and took my clothes. When he did, he also complemented my hat and my glasses. The next time around he complemented the color of polish on my toes (that should have been a warning). So after I checked out, I gave him my number. He called and we made a date to meet at coffeehouse.

Well when he arrived...15 minutes late, I was taken aback by his off duty attire. He had on rings and braceletes. Now I understand that men have the right to accessorize, but these weren't the accessories of a heterosexual male. Again, I shook it off and decided that I would try to keep an open mind...that could just be his outlet of expression. Well as the night went on his voice started to go into a high-pitched tone, he started to look at every man that entered the establishment, and the conversation didn't interest me at all. On top of all of that...he asked me if I would take him home because he wasn't sure the next time the bus was coming. 

Yeah...I just came to the conclusion that he just wasn't into me...and i dont think any other woman. So i guess it's back to the drawing for me!

**Bright Side: I guess it's better that I find this out now rather than a ring, mortgage, kids, etc later down the line when I find him in bed with a man. Plus, it was an interesting 45 minutes.

****UPDATE****
This guy is STILL calling and texting me asking to spend time. 

How do you suggest that should I put him out of his misery? 


"one day my prince will come..."