SWITCH!

Well...I have a good story for you today!  I was out hanging with the girls one night when one of my friends, Nia, asked me about my blog.  I was telling her about how I love it and she told me that she has a "situation" that she wanted me to share with my readers and wanted their honest advice...so here it is:

Nia is caught up in a situation, to say the least.  She works long days at her company so she and her coworkers spend a lot of time together.  So it was no surprise when she started dating her coworker, Aaron, secretly.  Their relationship ended, but now she's fallen for a new guy, Mike, who just happens to be another co-worker.  Now, it's not like the two (Aaron & Mike) are so far removed from each other that they'll never cross paths.  In fact, Aaron and Mike have a casual (we play video games together) relationship. 

Nia has yet to inform Mike about her past relationship with Aaron, and doesn't know if she should.  She and Aaron are still friends (and Aaron has a hater brother who works in the same dept as Nia and Mike and would gladly spill the relationship beans). 

Nia's question is: "What Should She Do?"  Personally, I think that she should tell Mike about Aaron.  I don't see how it would end better if she doesn't...but that's just my two cents. 

Bright Side: At least someone's dating regularly up in this piece!  Just kidding, just kidding!

The BIG date...

Guess what y'all?!?!? I'm so done with graduate school! Graduation was on Saturday and I am officially free from the bondage of research papers and reading textbooks! Hooray!   Okay so I owe you an ending to the Up In the Air post.Here we go...
I was instructed to arrive at Ruggles Bakery early.  I don't know if I mentioned it, but we were going to try to catch all of this madness on video so that I could show my dating techniques...#technologyFAIL!  We didn't quite figure out how we were going to record both video and audio without my date knowing. (yes, this was an undercover mission)  We just taped the audio.  I had to slide a small recorder into my purse without the bright red recording light showing...I succeeded.  Well, Ashlee, Jenn, and another accomplice positioned themselves by the door (and out of site) while I sat across the room, facing them. 
Since Jenn didn't tell me anything about the guy (other than the fact that he was 6'3), I didn't know anything.  I didn't know his name, his age, anything.   This was truly a blind date. 

Okay so right on time, he walks into the restaurant and I was like he's cool.  He wasn't my normal type, but if my normal type was working for me then I wouldn't be set up by friends on a blind date.  He sits down and we begin talking.  He's nice, he's intelligent, he doesn't say "conversate", and he can carry on a pretty good conversation...we're off to a good start.  We get through the usual "getting to know you" questions.  When he gets up to order us our red velvet cake (it was sooo good!), Ashlee and Jenn motion for me to meet them in the restroom.  When I get inside, I get asked questions about how I feel the date is going.  Trying not to be too obvious (and I didn't want to stay in the restroom too long making seem that I was having stomach issues), I left out before them.  He came back to the table and we kept talking.  I was getting a little tired and was a tad bit ready to leave, but he was still going.  We talked for so long that I didn't realized that Ashlee and Jenn had left.  When they came back they banged on the window and broke the date up.  They sent me away (which I was a tad bit relieve by) and from what I understand, he was not a happy camper.

They debriefed him and found out that he really enjoyed himself.  As far as me, I thought that he was a nice guy, I didn't feel any sparks or fireworks. 

Bright Side:  We went on another date to the movies a couple of weeks after that and it just fizzled out.  It might have been because he could sense that I wasn't all into it or it could've been because he felt the same.  Honestly, it doesn't really matter to me...I'm just glad that I didn't have to have any awkward conversations later if my feelings never changed.

"Story of My Life!"

Just felt that I should share the story of my life!  I was listening to My Life II...The Journey and I immediately felt a connection to this song. 

"Up In The Air..."

Okay, so during my brief hiatus I was able to squeeze in some blog-worthy fun in.  It all started one day when I met 2 of my friends for lunch.  We started talking about the blog that I had just posted and the subject turned to me, my "must-haves", and what went wrong with the guy that I that I posted about.  After listing my short (but very manageable) list, Jen decided that she and Ashlee were going to set up a dating reality show style intervention on me. 

After lunch, Jennifer de-friended me on FB (so that I couldn't start searching for who he might be and he couldn't search for me) and started the process.  To my surprise, she came up with someone for me to go out with.  (Now, I'm a bit of a control freak so I had Jen move the date up from the Sunday after next to the upcoming Sunday).  Well, everything was set logistically so now I had to go through a wardrobe and pre-date intervention. Lol  I pretty much knew what I wanted to wear, but it had to be "approved" by the executive directors of this program. Lol So my top and bottom were approved, but my shoes were veto-d (who knew that wearing a pair of nice, fashion-forward, sky high booties conveyed a "come and get it" vibe?  Not me!).  After pulling out about 5 pair of heels, we got it figured out.  So after we found my perfect outfit, I had to practice my "sexy walk" (even though I was already going to be seated at the table when he arrived).    That was a major #FAIL!  I'm too silly to really be able to practice anything like that.  And even if I did come up with something "acceptable" then, it would not be executed in the same manner. Lol

During the "mock date", I couldn't keep a straight face either.  Ashlee and Jenn kept trying to mimic the mannerisms of a male, but it just made me laugh even harder.  We went through the basic questions and how I would normally respond vs. a more polite way to respond.  I usually try to put a positive, bright side spin on my words but it doesn't always help.  It was a fun Saturday and I felt pretty ready to meet this guy on Sunday.

Bright Side:  It's so much better to go through this process with people who genuinely care about your happiness and well being.  I'm so blessed to have great friends, great family, and great friends who become family/family who becomes friends!  I'll let you know how Sunday went later! 

"Out of the Mouths of Babes..."

Please put away all guns and knives!  I know that it's been a few weeks, but this last semester of grad school and life has been kicking my buns!  But, I'm happy to report that I have submitted the last of my assignments (as of 1:36 am), and I can now sit back and wait for DECEMBER 10th!!! GRADUATION DAY!!!

So this morning I was just hanging out on Facebook (since I have nothing else better to do), and I came across this YouTube link.  I have to say that this is one of the smartest 5 year olds...EVER!!!  She has grasped (in her 5 short years of life) what some of us haven't grasped at 20, 30, 40, or even 50+!  I'm kinda curious to see if her views change at all as she gets older.

Random's Room

Ahh! I have a confession to make...LinkedIn got me caught up!  (Actually, I did it to myself and I just used LinkedIn)  So, I came across the name of the company that an old-friend of mine (translation: someone that I used to talk to) works for.  It instantly reminded me of how he was a pretty good guy.  He was nice, educated, CUTE, he did use "conversate" (omg that makes my flesh crawl!  I absolutely HATE that phrase...not on topic, but I really wanted to slap Jackie for saying "conversating" on Monday's episode of BBW: LA...trying to be all proper saying "conversating"! Ugh) but that wasn't a deal breaker...anymore. So, I looked up his name on LinkedIn and he appears!  I send the invite, and he accepts.  I talk to a friend of mine because I wasn't sure what to say?  I can't just randomly send someone that I hadn't spoken to in 3 years a LinkedIn invite and not follow up with something...right?  I mean, I could but I was trying to see if I could rekindle something...  She gives me a good intro that I send (in my own words of course) and a couple of hours later, he responds with a "Good reconnecting with you too".  Ahh yes!  The glimmer of hope!  So, I ask what he's been up to...then I get a "Oh, nothing me and my wife are getting ready to have our first child..." (I don't know what else it said after that because I needed an air pump to re-inflate my face).  But what did I really expect?  It has been about 3 years since I last spoke to the man!  He is allowed to have his own life and he obviously has been living it.  What can I say?Bright Side:  Just another reason why it wasn't meant to be!  Lol Idk I knew better, but I still wanted to see what would happen.  Well...lesson learned!  No more looking backward, gotta keep my focus (and my actions) focused on what's ahead!

Ehh...

What up?  I'm back with a story (or two) to tell.  Okay so remember a couple of weeks ago I told you that I signed back up with a dating site?  Well, I have since deactivated the account...again.  I don't know if I did it for the lack of requests or messages that I could actually take seriously or because it wasn't any more comfortable/meaningful than meeting communicating with random men in person.  I don't knock anyone for trying it, but I now know (without a shadow of a doubt) that online dating is just not for me.  But, I did get some blog-worthy material from it.  Gotta little story to tell...wanna hear it?  Here it go...

Okay so there was one guy on the site who viewed my profile, but didn't send a message.  I thought he was attractive (online) so I decided to reach out to him.  We messaged back and forth and ended up exchanging numbers.  After a text conversation, I asked where he lived and he replied the exact same intersection to where I live.  FREAKY! So, I asked if it was a particular complex and he said yes...and followed up with a phone call.  So, it turns out that we live in the same complex and I've seen him before.  Matter of fact, the Saturday before we parked right in front of each other and he saw me, but I was so tired and zoned out that I didn't pay him any attention.  So, we met up later that night and he didn't quite look the way he did on the picture.  It wasn't like he used someone else's picture (because when he moved his head in certain directions, I could see the resemblance), but it wasn't him.  His picture was more like younger Brian McKnight, but in reality he was like a distant cousin twice removed on his mother's side...you get my drift?  But, I decided to roll with it since he could turn out to be a good guy...and I was right (that night).  We watched the game and had a  pretty good conversation.

That next Sunday, he came by to say what's up and he asked me to come to his basketball game.  Now, it was pouring down raining outside, but I was like cool, I'll roll with you.  He was like cool and he left to go change.  After I changed clothes I shot him over an "I'm ready" text and he hit me back with a "I already left".  Umm...excuse me?  YOU asked ME to come to your game, told me that it was cool that I ride with you, THEN YOU LEFT ME?  I let it ride and was like cool.  Fast Forward to that next Wednesday.  He had been sending me texts about being sick, so I was like I have some tea and honey you can have.  He was like "I'm on my way into the garage, so you mind if I come pick it up and go back home to rest?"  I was like "That's cool...I was actually going to bring it upstairs so you don't even have to come down here."  He hit me with a "Just parked.", so I waited a couple of minutes, then took the tea upstairs.  I knock on the door and a chick opens the door.  I ask if Damon is there and she's like "No, he's not here."  Okay cool...I go back home.  I didn't text Damon or call, I just went back home.  About 5 mins later, there's a knock on my door and it's who?  Yep...Damon.  I casually told him that I tried to take it upstairs but the chick who answered said that he wasn't there.  He didn't even flinch as he asked me for a hug and I politely closed the door in his face...softly.  About 20 mins later I get a missed call (I looked at my phone when it was ringing and decided not to answer), then a series of texts saying that she was an old friend who he never had sex with who decided to come take care of him because he was sick and he kicked her out because she answered his door.  (yes, I know that was a run on...this piece is probably filled with grammatical errors!)  I wasn't angry.  To be honest, I wasn't even phased.  I just responded "It is what it is" and that sent him off.  He was like "I'm trying to apologize and you're acting nonchalant!" (Pause: How am I supposed to act?  Am I supposed to go into psycho-girl mode?  No thank you!  My grandmother always taught me "Don't Give Them The Satisfaction!")  Well, my calm demeanor wasn't what he wanted so he decided to try to keep the fire going...I decided to go to sleep.  Needless to say I received a number of texts about how he missed me (sir, you don't know me) and such.  I finally responded that I wasn't mad.  We were just friends (hanging out) so there's no need for all of that "Are we going to be anything?" or "Should I just give up on us?"  (His words, not mine)

Frankly, I was really quite turned off with the inconsiderate action of leaving me and then texting me about it later, and I was just numb to any feelings when the chick answered the door and he waited 20 mins to respond instead of when I gave him the opportunity at my door.  I don't have time for games and I would rather let it go now then wonder why I didn't leave it alone years down the line. 

Bright Side: I'm growing...paying attention to the signs when they are thrown instead of ignoring them.  **pats self on back and gives myself a hug**

Spot On!

Okay so I so totally stole this from the Write of Die Chick over at essence.com, but it was soooo fitting.  Let me know if these apply to you!


The Write or Die Chick: 10 Annoying Things Single Women Hate to Hear

Sometimes folks mean well when they say random goofy stuff. After my uncle’s funeral a few months ago, one of the ministers I’ve known since I was a kid leaned forward in her seat as I went to get a drink from my mama’s fridge, just minding my own business. 

“I’m tired of coming to see your family about sad news. When am I coming to do a wedding?” She batted her lashes. 

I grimaced inside. Ouch. Spotlight on my singleness.


“Welp,” I started, sipping slow on a glass of Sprite to quench my quick tongue, “you’re the one with the direct line to the Lord. Pray up a man for me to marry and we can have the wedding of your dreams.” (That is so something that I would say! Lol) In retrospect, perhaps I should’ve taken a longer sip. 

I can’t speak for all singleistas, but I’ve got a list of things I know I’m sick of hearing or answering in my adventures in unmarried-ness.
10. Use this time to work on you. Anytime’s a good time for self-improvement. I know some women need to decompress following a really bad or hurtful relationship, but singleness need not be the sole reason to chase a dream or chip away at a personal flaw. 

9. Stop being so picky. A woman wants what she wants. But if expecting a man to have a job, his right mind, some manners and all of his front teeth -- and not the Lil’ Jon kind -- makes a gal picky, then guilty as charged. 

8. Is that what you’re wearing to go out? No, actually it’s not. I was just about to change into my man-magnet lace bra top and hot pants. I mean, if I need to put ‘em on the glass in order to snag a dude, maybe I should just stay parked at home in my sweats and Proactiv mask.
7. I envy you. I wish I was still single. Can we be honest with each other right here? If you really wanted to be single, boo, you would be. It’s free and available to anybody who wants to have it. Plenty of it to go around. 

6. It’s his loss. That might’ve made me feel better when I was in the fifth grade. Maybe a scratch and sniff sticker to go along with the advice would help heal the hurt. 

5. Have you tried [insert online dating site here]? I know the ads are convincing. Just pay your little membership fee and love pops into your inbox. But I can count on one hand how many people I personally know who’ve scored dates with reasonably compatible dudes on those sites, much less a whole relationship. And besides, the guy in the eHarmony commercial is creepy. Talking about he might not be single after their second date?! Yikes.

4. Let me introduce you to my nephew/son/cousin/brother/co-worker/personal trainer/mechanic/dentist/lawyer/butcher/bail bondsman. There are times when two people seem like they would just so totally hit it off that it’s almost stupid to not try to at least introduce them, then sit back and watch the sparks from your romantic handiwork fly. But sometimes folks just get desperate -- even if you’re not -- and all it takes for some lucky dude to become their single friend’s next date is the fact that… well, he’s a dude. Not that desperate yet. Try me again in 10 years. 


3. Do you go out to places where you can meet someone? Where exactly are these fabled places where I can just pluck guys like fresh produce off the trees, ripe and ready for commitment? Gimme an address to plug into my GPS. Rare is the woman whose main dating problem is that she’s holed up in her home in like the hermit lady who gets pranked by the neighborhood kids. We’re out there, but short of having an experience that would make prophets out of The Weather Girls, it’s not necessarily raining men.

2. Stop focusing on it and let it happen. Ah, you got me. Here I was doodling “Janelle loves Anonymous” all over my notebooks. I’m a single mother, I own a business and I’m not lamenting the absence of a husband in my household. It would be nice to be married, yes. But my life’s work is not unfulfilled because I never had an engagement ring slipped onto my left hand. 

1. Gasp! You’re so great/wonderful/amazing. Why are you still single? A long, blank stare is usually the only answer this one ever needs. 

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2011/10/13/the-write-or-die-chick-10-annoying-things-single-women-hate-to-hear/#ixzz1bAZyQ5OM

Best Thing...

Yes, I was off yesterday but I spent the entire day helping my mother move and then I went straight to rehearsal for my friend/line sister's wedding tonight.  I'm super excited for @tjflenoy and Joe Driver's wedding tonight!  (Twitter Trending Topic: #tiffandjoesayIdo)

But as promised, here's the story that I was supposed to share yesterday.  There was a guy that I dated off and on from 9th grade until sometime last year.  I usually am not the type to go back and forth, but with him it was a little different.  Every time that we stopped dating, it wasn't because he did something wrong of was messing with someone else, but because it just phased out for the moment.  I guess you could call him my "Go-To Guy".  He was the one I could "go to" when I wasn't in a relationship and just wanted to go out or for companionship.  This was all the case up until I found out that the entire time we were dating/talking/in a relationship/whatever you want to call it, he was doing the same thing with another girl, who happened to be the mother of his child.  Fun times, right?  Well, when I found out I didn't go ballistic, I just sent my "closure" text and kept it moving.  I guess the thing to know about me is that when I'm in a relationship,  I take on the other person's friends too.  Many times I would be the only female with him and his friends or his cousins watching the game, hanging out at the house, whatever because that's me.  They were cool, so we were cool.

One of GTG's cousins (Chris) and I were really cool.  I tried to hook him up with one of my friends, we traded music, he even was the one to try to give me advice on GTG. (This story is not going where you think it's going...so just read).  Anyway, this group was really cool so when I found out that GTG was still messing with his BM (baby mama) and I left him alone, his friends/cousins went with him.  Now, I didn't expect for his friends to dime him out, but if they knew that he was still with her (which I'm sure they did), then Chris shouldn't have been so adamant about making sure GTG & I stayed together.  He could have just been cool when we all hung out and left it like that. 

Fast Forward to the present...a couple of months ago I got a message from one of his friends shooting the breeze and asking why I let GTG do some of the foolish things that he did.  And I had to explain that he was a grown man I can't "let" anyone do anything.  But, last week I got a message on the online dating site from Chris.  I'll post the message (verbatim) and let you draw your own conclusions.  I will tell you that all I could do was laugh. 

he said September 28

Well, well, well! I run into you again, except on here instead of ******* Ms. Random Rambler! Clearly both sites think we are compatible for some reason. I never quite understood why you ex-communicated me because things didn't workout between you and my cousin. I thought we were cool, but, it is what it is. You're an intelligent, driven and attractive woman, so, I'm sure you won't be on here long. But, good luck!

you said September 30

Just like I told ********, because you knew the entire time that GTG was actually still with ******'s mother. Not that I expected you to rat out your cousin, but you were actively trying to get us together. But, it's the past and I'm moving forward.

Good Luck to you as well.


he said September 30

So, misinformed sweetheart...smh. Do your thang RR

Bright Side:  A couple of friends and I got a pretty good laugh about this and I didn't respond because there was no need.  It's over and done and I sleep just fine with my decision.  But, remind me to tell you the story of his interaction with another friend of mine...the world is truly a small place!

Have a great weekend!

Been There, Done That, and I Guess I'll Try It One More Time...

Happy Hump Day!  So I know I was MIA last week and no excuses, so let's get right into it!  Okay, so I was talking to my good friend, Kells, last week and she was going on and on about the rave reviews that a certain dating site was receiving.  She was just like they have the highest success rate of marriages and blah, blah, blah.  I informed her that I had already been there and done that!  She asked me about my experience and I just told her honestly that I didn't feel like I got anything out of it.  Well, her response what "How much did you put into it?" And when I thought about it, I didn't put very much.  I mean, yeah I reached out to a few people but I didn't invest too much thought or energy into reviewing profiles or building any type of relationship.  Well...she said that she was going to set up her profile and I reluctantly said that I would take the challenge and experience this site again.

I was a little hesitant at first to re-sign up with the site, but after I immediately started getting responses and after a 20% off coupon was sent to my inbox, I decided to bite the bullet and actually pay for the site.  I figured that if nothing else, y'all would get a few kicks out of my experience.  Let's see how it goes this time...

Bright Side:  I'm pleasantly surprised with the feedback that I've been receiving.  I'm not putting anything on it, but it's a positive start.  Oh, and guess whose profile I came across when the service put us as a 99% match?  Out of guesses?  I saw Rick's profile (from "Worth All Those".  According to the site and myself, we're a match but too bad he didn't see it that way.  Oh well!  Not my problem.  Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about one of the first messages that I got and why it was so out of the ordinary.  See ya tomorrow!

Someone...

Hello, my name is Random Rambler and I am addicted to running. Not exercise running, but just running around. I cannot sit still for anything. Every time I say that I'm going to rest, I end up doing something. Regardless of if it's going to the movies, cleaning up, going over a friend's house...it doesn't matter. When I was in my early 20's it didn't matter but now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to feel it a lot more. An average weekend for me consists of me going to at least 3-4 events on a Saturday and another 2 on Sunday (including church). Something's gotta give...I keep telling myself that when I meet someone, I won't feel the need to always be out and about. Someone once told me that I'm afraid to be alone...and I don't think that's a far-fetched idea.

I know that I'm not alone. I always have my friends, my family, my line sisters, and a whole world of strangers that I randomly talk to when I'm out and about, but I'm starting to really feel the growing void of not having that romantic companionship in my life. I keep busy so that I don't think about it, but I can only hide so much and for so long before it catches up to me. I'm grateful that I'm not one of those people who will accept anything or anyone just for the sake of companionship. I have to stick to my standards (which I don't think are astronomically high). I'm going to be completely honest, it gets very discouraging seeing the hoes get chose ladies with not so high standards in committed relationships, and all of these dating disasters are starting to get to me. How many freaking frogs does it take to get to the prince? Just trying to keep the faith and know that whoever is for me, will be brought to me in His time and not my time. But, I'm pretty impatient... It sure doesn't help when men are like "You're single? You can't be single? Why hasn't someone snatched you up?" (If I knew the answer then maybe I wouldn't be so single! sooo...annoying)

Bright Side: I am continuing to focus on the good things that are in my life. I graduate from grad school in December (Hooray because that was the longest Fall, Spring, Summer I, Summer II, Fall EVER!!!),



Anything

This weekend (Sunday) was very draining and I'm not in the best headspace right now but, when I was doing my morning entertainment gossip check I found this song and it sums up my feelings on dating and where I am right now.  Monica's music never really disappoints me and she was "spot on" with this one!  Enjoy!

One, Two, Three Strikes...

So, i'm sitting here at the Astros game with the homies when it dawns on me that not only have I not posted this week, but I haven't given an update on my quest for "Something New". (Note: Im posting from a tablet so don't judge me for my errors...even if it has spellcheck! Lol) As much as I would love to report that he and I are going strong, I cannot. Matter-of-fact, we didn't go anywhere. The weekend that we were supposed to go to Wild West, he called to reschedule because he had to babysit his sitter. Now, I have a 9 year old sister, so I can definitely understand having to step in as a "ram in the bush" (search your Bible for the story of Abraham and Isaac on top of the mountain) So he was really interested in rescheduling, so we decided that we would go to dinner that Tuesday before I left for DC. That was perfectly fine wi me since I preferred to meet 1 on 1 so I could get to know him a little better. He said that he would call on Sunday and let me know time, place, etc. Well...Sunday came and went and nothing. Tuesday came and went and still nothing. I text but no response. Oh well...he's outta there! Crazy part is about 2 days later he sent me a Facebook friend request...no message with an apology or an explanation. Just a freaking friend request. So yeah! Bright Side: (not that I needed the confirmation but...) Now I know that ignorance knows no color. This didn't turn me off to dating outside my race, but it was another disappointment. All of these disappointments are going to make me go back into dating hibernation because someone has definitely but some bad juju in my dating life. Well...at least I have this thesis to keep me warm at night... Have a great Labor Day weekend! Be safe!

Just A Little...

Disappointed.  Remember the post before this one?  The one where I was so uber excited about approaching that guy from church?  (Worth The Wait...) Well, I'm sad to report that nothing came out of it.  I mean...I called him that Monday night but he hasn't initiated anything since then.  I sent a couple of follow up texts, but there wasn't anything there that made it seem like he had any interest in taking it further.  The conversation wasn't bad...it was just one of those "getting to know you" conversations.  I'm not ashamed to say that I did break down the conversation (in my head) to see what may have been the dealbreaker for him.  It wasn't like it was a short & sweet convo, we were on the phone for over a hr and I'm the one who initiated the goodbye. And I don't feel like just because I approached him that I gave up all rights to be "courted".  I just started the ball rolling, it's his job to keep it in motion, right?  In the conversationhe gave me his schedule, play by play, so I knew that he was going to be busy.  But, does that mean that you don't shoot out a text to say "hey", especially when you update your FB?  Or when I sent him a message, he answered it but never said "what about yourself?" or anything.  I'm just sayin...  I think I'll take it as a sign that "he's just not that into me" and I do not chase.  Oh well...on to the next one!

Bright Side: At least now I know what's up.  I kinda dwelled on it for a little bit, but now I'm good.  Maybe he just brought me one person closer to the one who's just as interested in me as I am in them. 

Something (Real) New

I'm not sure how many people that I've shared this with, but I've had a strong desire to date outside of my race for a long time.  When asked, I've only stated that I'm open to it but not that I really want to try it as a new experience.  At one point, I felt like no one would treat me like "my people" would treat me.  Let's just say that I've grown since then.  So much so that I'm supposed to meet up with a guy who's not black this weekend...matter of fact, he's a cowboy!  I'm SO excited!  I was at an engagement party for a great friend's stepdaughter on Saturday and there was this really cute white guy with cowboy boots on and really tight straight-leg cowboy jeans.  He had a hard time trying to get the dance moves that my other friend was trying to tell him, but it was so cute watching him try.  We'll call him Danny.

I'd been admiring Danny from afar when (towards the end of the night) his cousin started teaching me how to two-step.  I was being spinned and twirled around the room that after the song, I had to stop and catch my breathe.  When Danny's cousin and I started talking, Danny walked over and gave me a hug and just talking about dancing.  His cousin walked away, but Danny and I kept talking about dancing when he just invited me out Friday night and asked for my number.  The little cowgirl inside me started jumping up and down because I didn't think this was going to happen.  I don't know what it is, but I barely get approached by any guy, let alone one who happens to be of another race.  Plus, my friends had been trying to get me to go up to him the entire night...turns out that I didn't even have to!

Bright Side:  He and I have been texting all week and he seems to be just as excited as I am.  He said that we are going to learn this country dancing thing together...and I'm ready to learn!  I have my girls ready and we'll see what happens tonight!  So excited!

Worth All Those...

Do you remember the movie, The Wood?  Well (if you remember), do you remember the part where they were all at the dance and "Big Mike" won the contest for who could get the most numbers at the dance, just because he pulled Alicia...because her number was worth "all 10 of those skeezers up in there"?  (Slim's words, not mine) Well...my experience was kinda like that (except with men).  Here's a clip just to refresh your memory (FF to 4:41):

Ok, so if you're a Bright Sider then you know that I accepted the challenge that Paul Brunson extended to the world about dating (see Challenge to catch up) and you also know about the guy from church that I've been wanting to approach for the longest (see Worth The Risk...).  Well I took this challenge as the opportunity to do just that.  Seeing as though I'd only approached 3 guys by July 30th, I decided that "Rick" was my "Alicia".  Let me set the scene...

It's after church one Sunday and I'm in the auditorium talking to my friend Kelly's sister (we were discussing the fact that I should come to Buenos Aires for her wedding in February...can we say that I'm in!  Any excuse to get back to the beaches of South America!).  I thought that Rick had left and that I had gotten out of approaching him for the umpteenth time in 5 or 6 months.  How about no!  So while I'm talking to Shan, I see him walk back into the auditorium and then turn to leave.  Imagine the butterflies in my stomach! I decided that this was the time!  I told Shan that I would be back and I set off.  Well...by the time he got to the door I was right behind him and we greeted each other.  Since it was kinda crowded in the hallway, I asked him to come outside with me so that I could ask him something.  He followed and when we got outside I just blurted it out.  There was no time to find some (or any) "game" that I don't have...I was nervous enough.  I was just like "Would you want to hang out sometime?"  He chuckled a bit (in my head I'm screaming what the heck is so funny?), but then I just asked why the laugh?  He said that he was waiting for the punch line, but he realized that I was serious.  (Uhh...yeah I'm serious!  It's hot, I'm in a suit, and we are in the middle of the church's walkway...brother!).  So anyway he said yes, we can do that, and I told him I would call him so we could set something up later.  There's more to this story...but I'll post it later! :)

Bright Side:  Can we say that I was soooo relieved?  I have been wondering "what if" for the longest and now I did it!  I'm so proud of myself for just going for it (even if it took me 6 months)! 

And the decision is...

Greetings!

After thinking about it (and reading the post over and over), I decided that there really was no need for me and Eric to meet.  I really have no interest in re-living or digging up the past so there was really nothing to talk about.  I guess I didn't want to look bitter by saying no, but I quickly realized that it doesn't matter what it looks like to him.  We're not friends and I'm over putting myself in situations just to appease another person.  There was a reason I let that go...

I sent a simple reply that said "Although I appreciate you reaching out, I don't feel that it's necessary.  Take Care."  Quick, simple, and to the point! 

Let's hope that he gets the point this time!

(I'll talk to y'all later in the week...I need to get back to doing some work!)

Never Can Say Goodbye...

Happy day before Friday! I hope that all is well!  I was going to blog about something completely different but after the Facebook message that I received last night, I felt that it was a necessity to share.  So I’m driving home from bible study and I get a notification on my phone.  I miss the first part, but the second part of the message reads “to see you.”  (When I get to a stoplight) I check the entire message and it says “I’ll be there next week on business if you have some free time it would be nice to see you.” Now, this message would be exciting and send butterflies racing through my stomach IF it weren’t from THAT ex.  You know who THAT ex is…the one ex who you put so much time and effort into and it ended in a way that was completely different from what you expected.  I’ll give you a little background…

I met “Eric” through a friend of mine in college.  It was the semester after I found out about my high school boyfriend and his secret daughter/relationship (see Comeback Season...).  I wasn’t completely attracted to Eric at first, but something drew me to him.  Maybe it was the “bad boy” persona that he successfully made everyone believe…I don’t know what it was.  Anyway, I found out pretty quickly that I wasn’t as bad-apple as I thought I was in dealing with men.  I allowed Eric to manipulate me and my relationships with my family and friends.  I can count (on more than one hand) the number of times that I caught him with another female (or females) and just living a very shady and dishonest life.  He was disrespectful to me and to my friends, but I stayed and endured that unhealthy relationship for 3 years.  I always allowed him to give me his version of the story and I always ended up going back.  Closer to the end of our relationship, he started to move closer to the right path but the damage had already been done.  I played with fire so long that I was immune to the pain…I just didn’t care anymore.  I started entertaining other guys, choosing being with my friends over being with him, and I started to pull away.  I remember one time we were in his hometown and he wanted to go ring shopping.  I entertained him, but what should have been a happy, promising, and emotional time turned into an afternoon of my faux smiles and my body void of all emotion.  Everything had to be about him and what he wanted…and I just couldn’t live a miserable life like that.  After my graduation, I did something that probably wasn’t the most thoughtful action but it was my ticket out.  Once I moved back to Houston, he would send me good morning texts, so one day I just decided to send him a “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore” text. ( I know I was wrong, but I had to do it)  He tried to call a number of times but I was a coward…I wouldn’t respond.  I had to get out of that situation and get out of it FAST!!! I had already spent 3 years disregarding a lot of warning signs and chasing what I thought I wanted and I had finally woken up and wanted out!  Finally, a couple of weeks later I spoke to Eric and I just told him that I couldn’t do it anymore and that was the end.  (I think my family and friends threw a secret party because they were both glad that this was over! My grandfather seems to think that he is the reason that I’ve been single for the 6 years since…)  He wanted to be friends and I just didn’t see the point.  I tried it out and he just saw it as an opportunity to “show me what I was missing”  but all it really did was make me realize that we aren’t friends and I didn't care what was really going on in his life.  I mean...I didn't wish him hard, but I also didn't care to hear about the details of his life.  (Let me get the bullet points if we happen to cross paths in public...know what I mean?)  He would tell me how he and his new girlfriend were going to get married on an island with other friends and I was like congratulations (as I reached into the refrigerator looking for a snack lol).  I finally told him that we weren’t friends and we would never be friends…he had done too much damage for us to ever be able to go down that route.  He (said that he) understood and that was it.  I deleted him as a FB friend a year or so ago because he wanted to send chat messages and I’m no longer “faking the funk.”  Now, his sister and I do touch bases every now and again because I really loved his family, but that’s the extent of our communication.

Funny thing is that we had mutual friends in college who I still keep in contact with.  At one of their baby showers, I found myself answering questions that they have always wondered.  Eric was a liar…A COMPULSIVE LIAR!  And I guess I helped clear up some of the lies.  The one that had me counting my blessings was about the young lady that he kept telling me that he was going to marry.  Supposedly he told the girl that he was going to move to Houston, so she packed up her things and moved to Houston too.  Only thing is…he didn’t move.  Yea…crazy right!   

Anyway, when I received the message I immediately thought “Why is he reaching out to me?  Didn’t he get the hint when I deleted the FB friendship or when I told him that I didn’t want to be his friend?  My other thought was does he think that I’m going to entertain him?  Or is there some type of closure that he needs to get?  Either way…I’m not too thrilled about meeting up with him and I don’t think that I want to.  That’s my dilemma…to meet up or not to meet up?  I don’t harbor any ill-feelings towards him or our situation (anymore).  I just want to be. I guess he never can say goodbye...

So that’s what I need help with…what do you think that I should do?

Bright Side:  I have blog readers with very strong opinions who don’t mind giving me their advice.  And the people that I know personally will send me text messages or call me with their advice instead of writing it here on the blog (hint, hint)! :)

Progress (or lack thereof)

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have had NO luck at all with this challenge.  I was actually pretty excited about taking it on, but now I'm not so sure.  It seems as though as soon as I said yes to the challenge, all of the handsome and intelligent men that I once saw disappeared!  I'm sad to report that I've only approached 2 guys.  One of whom was on his way back to Michigan (or at least that is what he told me), and the other I can't even remember (I guess that speaks for itself).  I did, however, end up on a web show where my "approach" was critiqued.  The result:  They (they being the audience that im’d into the show and the hosts) said that I have a "Girl Next Door" approach and no game whatsoever!  Lol...I thought that was kind of harsh and to be honest, I don't see what's wrong with an honest approach (sans all of the game…I think having game is subjective and overrated).  I don't think that I have to put a lot into it other than:

Me: “Hello”

Him: “Why, hello there!”

Me: “How are you doing tonight (this morning/this afternoon)

Him: “I’m better now that you’ve graced me with your presence”

Me: “Oh, how sweet of you!  What's your name?”

Him: “Why, I’m the man of your dreams! What is your name?”

Me: “My name is RR”

Him:  “Nice to meet you RR.  What made you decide to approach me?”

Me: “I thought you were handsome so I wanted to introduce myself..." 

(not an accurate account of how the conversation would go…but you get it. lol)

That’s a simple approach and honest. I know if someone came over to me with some wack game I would think they were a cornball and immediately switch my interest from “I’m interested in getting to know him” to “I’m already bored and my friends aren’t ready to go so he’ll be my entertainment for the night”.  I just like to give what I’m expecting to receive…I like to think of it as me paying it forward.

Bright Side:  I have a little over a week left to approach a total of 7 more guys.  We’ll see how this goes!  (Say a few prayers on my behalf because it looks like I'm going to need it) There is one that I’m interested in approaching, but I need a little more background before I just go for it.  I already know him so it would be kind of awkward to move forward if the end result isn’t in my favor.  We’ll see what happens and you know that I will report back to you!  Wish me luck…Let me know if you have any pointers!

If you want to see the web show, go here. I promise that it is very entertaining!

 

LIVE with Black & Keish!

Hey!  I'm alive and I'm 28!  Just a FYI...I will be the special guest on the Black & Keish Interactive Webshow TONIGHT!  We will start streaming live at 9 pm and you can call in, text, instant message, etc. your questions and comments.  The show is very relaxed and although they asked me what I'm comfortable talking about, I'm sure that we cover a range of topics. 

You can check us out at: www.stickam.com/blackandkeish tonight at 9pm!  

Bright Side: If you miss it, you can still catch the pre-recorded show on the stickam website.  Hope to see you tonight! 

(This doesn't count as a post, I should have a real one up by the end of the week)

Challenge!

It's my birthday week!  Yay!  Another year and I'm so very excited.  So to start off this year, I've decided to take on a challenge given by Paul Brunson (Modern Day Matchmaker).  The challenge that he presented is to approach 10 guys this month.  The result is that even though they all won't be a match made in Heaven, at least 1 or 2 (or 3 or 4) of them will result in a date, and maybe into a relationship.  Who knows!  

I feel like I'm a risk-taker so I've decided to accept the challenge.  If at the end of the challenge, you still don't meet anyone, then Paul will do a free one-on-one session with you to evaluate your "technique".  Now...even though that's a win-win, I would much rather have the date than the "this is why you're still single" consultation.  But I guess it's a win-win for the reader too (Bright Side!)...you either get to hear about how well (or bad) the date went and you get to hear about my adventures in approaching!  Either way this should be a pretty interesting experience (especially since it's my birthday week and that always brings on an elevated level of confidence...I might just complete the challenge in one night!)

If you're interested in joining the challenge, here's the information: Summer Dating Challenge

If you need pointers on approaching men, here they are: (from Paul, not me because that would be the blind leading the blind! lol): How To Approach A Man

For the single people, let's do the challenge together and compare notes! You in?

Bright Side:  I love challenges and what do I have to lose?  Absolutely nothing!  Let the games begin...

#27 dresses

Guess who's bizack!  Yes it's me, I've been moving around a lot (which isn't something new), and I've been carrying this post around in my head for the longest.  Last week, a really good friend of mine and I were in the car driving to a bible study when she just blurts out "Guess what?" Now, me being who I am, and depending on the person, my guess is either "You're Pregnant!" or "You're Getting Married!".  Because it was her, the only logical response was "You're Getting Married!"  and guess who won a million dollars!  Yep...me (not really)!  So she says that she's getting married and she wants me to be in it!  Now, I'm immediately happy for her because she and her boo/future husband are uber-cute together and I feel that she really deserves the happiness (not like other people don't), but she's my friend and I want all of my friends to be happy!

Fast Forward to the end of the night.  While I'm driving to go meet up with my LS for a birthday party, I start thinking about weddings that I've been a part of over the past couple of years.  Now, I'm only counting weddings after my college graduation 6 years ago.  So in the past 6 years, I've been in 10 (Yes, TEN) weddings (one year I was in 3)!  That's a lot of weddings and that's not counting the weddings that I was a part of from the age of 3-22!  I think if you add them all together, I've probably been in over 27 weddings.  My life is starting to feel like Jane (Kathryn Heigl) in 27 dresses.  If you think about it, we have a lot of similar characteristics.  We are in love with the idea of a wedding (me...I love the idea of marriage too,  it's like a scary, unpredictable, unknown), we will go through great lengths for the bride to make sure that her day is a special day, we genuinely love our friends and want to see them happy, and we have a slightly warped view of who our prince charming will be. 

In the case of Jane, she was fixated on one particular guy who was completely wrong for her when all the time, the person who was for her was right in front of her.  In the case of the Random Rambler, I don't really know what my problem is.  I've never been one to have a "type"  I just pray that he's God-fearing, attractive, taller than me, intelligent, caring, loving, etc.  I don't know, maybe Steve Harvey was right when he suggested that I may be in search of someone that isn't in search of me.  Who knows! And if one more person tells me to be patient, that God is preparing him for me, or that he'll come when I'm not looking, I'm going to scream!  When exactly does someone go into a room and not look?  A lot of people do a preliminary scan of who's there, regardless of if they are single or taken.  I know I do!  And if there's someone that I find attractive, I put a little extra pep in my step as I brush past him to go to the restroom or to meet up with my friends.  For me, that's just being real.  I'm very nosey observant (I always sit facing the door) so I'm always aware of what's going on wherever I am.  I don't think much there is changing!

The Bright Side:  Luckily, I have some decisions that are coming up, rather quickly, that I need to make, so my mind is somewhat occupied with that (and planning the bachelorette party for a good friend/ls's upcoming wedding...so much PRESSURE!! lol).  I'm sure that I'm not destined to be a sinlge lady for the rest of my days (I hope!) and I'm not trying to rush him who is not ready, but can I at least a drop of water in the Outback?  I mean, my dating life has gone from feast to famine in the past couple of months. **crosses fingers** wishful thinking!

Anyway, have a very happy (and safe) 4th of July weekend!

"A peace that surpasses all understanding..."

As promised, here is the recap from this weekend's festivities. I first have to give major shout outs to my support team for the weekend (and for life). If you don't have any girl friends who are on your team, then you are truly missing out! I was having two of the worst anxiety attacks ever over seeing Mr. BIS-D this weekend and my support team was there and had my back. So, I have to call them out by name: Ashlee, Jontae, Angela, Cicely, Tiffany (she's my beauty SME), and my fav blogger, OneChele (she helped calm my nerves via Twitter DM). I think I would have been a basket case if it they weren't in my corner. It's so funny because I had myself all worked up and for nothing. It was so bad that it put me into a 6 am yoga class this morning (FYI...6 am yoga is not my friend!), but I do feel more centered and relaxed. I do have an update to the BIS-D post and I know a few people who are going to be upset. Not upset that I have an update but upset that I didn't fill them in when it happened...but I'll take that risk because I wanted to share it with everyone at the same time.
After these few days stressing myself out unnecessarily, I decided that I needed to take control of myself (and my situation) before I drove myself crazy. I figured that if the outcome of what happened with BIS-D bothered me so much, then (if I felt that I was strong enough) I would say something...and I did. I sent him a text and we had a very productive conversation. (Note: I've been scolded a time or two about having major conversations via text but I express myself better through writing than I ever could in person. It's the most effective way for me to say everything I want to say in the way that I want to say it. I have to use what works for me) I sent him a message expressing how I was a tad bit relieved that we didn't see each other and he responded that he was sorry to hear that, it would've been nice to see me, and that he'll respect my space and if we do ever find our self around each other. Now although that's pretty much what I said, I didn't really mean it like that (so much for my writing being more effective approach lol). So I decided to go a little deeper. I explained that I'm a lot better now than I was then and that I understand that I put myself into an unhealthy situation and that the best way that I could get out and stay out was by cutting all contact. It was a hard decision, but it was one that I had to make for myself. It wasn't like I didn't want to see him, it just would've been awkward since we hadn't communicated in such a long time. He reminded me that the lack of communication came from my side and that he could take a hint (see...I told ya he's the type of person to not press the issue...which is how I needed it to be). He then said something that I think that I really needed to hear...even if it's over a year later. He said that he had his part in it and he contributed to the situation. He took responsibility and that he's glad that I'm in a better place. Can we all say sigh of relief/woo-sah? It felt like a huge bolder had been lifter off my shoulders. I don't know exactly what it is or was, but I felt at peace. Anyway, we chit-chatted about catching up with things that's happened over the past year, but I did let him know that this won't be the last time that we communicate because I do miss our friendship. He said that he never had a problem with it (I don't know he meant the friendship or the communication) but that he guess that he was the problem (BINGO buddy!). Then I got to say what I really needed to say: that I questioned his friendship because the extra and his inability to step in as my friend to end things when he saw it wasn't a healthy situation...that was the root of the issue. I felt like the friendship was a sham. Although I did express the things that I felt that he did, it was important (for me) that he knew that I took responsibility for being grown and not following my intuition. With that, we agreed that hindsight is 20/20 and ended on a positive note.

Bright Side: I feel a lot better. We didn't discuss where our friendship is headed...we didn't need to. I'm just taking it one day at a time and not a pace faster. I feel that whatever is set for the fate of our friendship is set and I would rather the chips fall as they may.