Never Can Say Goodbye...

Happy day before Friday! I hope that all is well!  I was going to blog about something completely different but after the Facebook message that I received last night, I felt that it was a necessity to share.  So I’m driving home from bible study and I get a notification on my phone.  I miss the first part, but the second part of the message reads “to see you.”  (When I get to a stoplight) I check the entire message and it says “I’ll be there next week on business if you have some free time it would be nice to see you.” Now, this message would be exciting and send butterflies racing through my stomach IF it weren’t from THAT ex.  You know who THAT ex is…the one ex who you put so much time and effort into and it ended in a way that was completely different from what you expected.  I’ll give you a little background…

I met “Eric” through a friend of mine in college.  It was the semester after I found out about my high school boyfriend and his secret daughter/relationship (see Comeback Season...).  I wasn’t completely attracted to Eric at first, but something drew me to him.  Maybe it was the “bad boy” persona that he successfully made everyone believe…I don’t know what it was.  Anyway, I found out pretty quickly that I wasn’t as bad-apple as I thought I was in dealing with men.  I allowed Eric to manipulate me and my relationships with my family and friends.  I can count (on more than one hand) the number of times that I caught him with another female (or females) and just living a very shady and dishonest life.  He was disrespectful to me and to my friends, but I stayed and endured that unhealthy relationship for 3 years.  I always allowed him to give me his version of the story and I always ended up going back.  Closer to the end of our relationship, he started to move closer to the right path but the damage had already been done.  I played with fire so long that I was immune to the pain…I just didn’t care anymore.  I started entertaining other guys, choosing being with my friends over being with him, and I started to pull away.  I remember one time we were in his hometown and he wanted to go ring shopping.  I entertained him, but what should have been a happy, promising, and emotional time turned into an afternoon of my faux smiles and my body void of all emotion.  Everything had to be about him and what he wanted…and I just couldn’t live a miserable life like that.  After my graduation, I did something that probably wasn’t the most thoughtful action but it was my ticket out.  Once I moved back to Houston, he would send me good morning texts, so one day I just decided to send him a “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore” text. ( I know I was wrong, but I had to do it)  He tried to call a number of times but I was a coward…I wouldn’t respond.  I had to get out of that situation and get out of it FAST!!! I had already spent 3 years disregarding a lot of warning signs and chasing what I thought I wanted and I had finally woken up and wanted out!  Finally, a couple of weeks later I spoke to Eric and I just told him that I couldn’t do it anymore and that was the end.  (I think my family and friends threw a secret party because they were both glad that this was over! My grandfather seems to think that he is the reason that I’ve been single for the 6 years since…)  He wanted to be friends and I just didn’t see the point.  I tried it out and he just saw it as an opportunity to “show me what I was missing”  but all it really did was make me realize that we aren’t friends and I didn't care what was really going on in his life.  I mean...I didn't wish him hard, but I also didn't care to hear about the details of his life.  (Let me get the bullet points if we happen to cross paths in public...know what I mean?)  He would tell me how he and his new girlfriend were going to get married on an island with other friends and I was like congratulations (as I reached into the refrigerator looking for a snack lol).  I finally told him that we weren’t friends and we would never be friends…he had done too much damage for us to ever be able to go down that route.  He (said that he) understood and that was it.  I deleted him as a FB friend a year or so ago because he wanted to send chat messages and I’m no longer “faking the funk.”  Now, his sister and I do touch bases every now and again because I really loved his family, but that’s the extent of our communication.

Funny thing is that we had mutual friends in college who I still keep in contact with.  At one of their baby showers, I found myself answering questions that they have always wondered.  Eric was a liar…A COMPULSIVE LIAR!  And I guess I helped clear up some of the lies.  The one that had me counting my blessings was about the young lady that he kept telling me that he was going to marry.  Supposedly he told the girl that he was going to move to Houston, so she packed up her things and moved to Houston too.  Only thing is…he didn’t move.  Yea…crazy right!   

Anyway, when I received the message I immediately thought “Why is he reaching out to me?  Didn’t he get the hint when I deleted the FB friendship or when I told him that I didn’t want to be his friend?  My other thought was does he think that I’m going to entertain him?  Or is there some type of closure that he needs to get?  Either way…I’m not too thrilled about meeting up with him and I don’t think that I want to.  That’s my dilemma…to meet up or not to meet up?  I don’t harbor any ill-feelings towards him or our situation (anymore).  I just want to be. I guess he never can say goodbye...

So that’s what I need help with…what do you think that I should do?

Bright Side:  I have blog readers with very strong opinions who don’t mind giving me their advice.  And the people that I know personally will send me text messages or call me with their advice instead of writing it here on the blog (hint, hint)! :)

Progress (or lack thereof)

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have had NO luck at all with this challenge.  I was actually pretty excited about taking it on, but now I'm not so sure.  It seems as though as soon as I said yes to the challenge, all of the handsome and intelligent men that I once saw disappeared!  I'm sad to report that I've only approached 2 guys.  One of whom was on his way back to Michigan (or at least that is what he told me), and the other I can't even remember (I guess that speaks for itself).  I did, however, end up on a web show where my "approach" was critiqued.  The result:  They (they being the audience that im’d into the show and the hosts) said that I have a "Girl Next Door" approach and no game whatsoever!  Lol...I thought that was kind of harsh and to be honest, I don't see what's wrong with an honest approach (sans all of the game…I think having game is subjective and overrated).  I don't think that I have to put a lot into it other than:

Me: “Hello”

Him: “Why, hello there!”

Me: “How are you doing tonight (this morning/this afternoon)

Him: “I’m better now that you’ve graced me with your presence”

Me: “Oh, how sweet of you!  What's your name?”

Him: “Why, I’m the man of your dreams! What is your name?”

Me: “My name is RR”

Him:  “Nice to meet you RR.  What made you decide to approach me?”

Me: “I thought you were handsome so I wanted to introduce myself..." 

(not an accurate account of how the conversation would go…but you get it. lol)

That’s a simple approach and honest. I know if someone came over to me with some wack game I would think they were a cornball and immediately switch my interest from “I’m interested in getting to know him” to “I’m already bored and my friends aren’t ready to go so he’ll be my entertainment for the night”.  I just like to give what I’m expecting to receive…I like to think of it as me paying it forward.

Bright Side:  I have a little over a week left to approach a total of 7 more guys.  We’ll see how this goes!  (Say a few prayers on my behalf because it looks like I'm going to need it) There is one that I’m interested in approaching, but I need a little more background before I just go for it.  I already know him so it would be kind of awkward to move forward if the end result isn’t in my favor.  We’ll see what happens and you know that I will report back to you!  Wish me luck…Let me know if you have any pointers!

If you want to see the web show, go here. I promise that it is very entertaining!

 

LIVE with Black & Keish!

Hey!  I'm alive and I'm 28!  Just a FYI...I will be the special guest on the Black & Keish Interactive Webshow TONIGHT!  We will start streaming live at 9 pm and you can call in, text, instant message, etc. your questions and comments.  The show is very relaxed and although they asked me what I'm comfortable talking about, I'm sure that we cover a range of topics. 

You can check us out at: www.stickam.com/blackandkeish tonight at 9pm!  

Bright Side: If you miss it, you can still catch the pre-recorded show on the stickam website.  Hope to see you tonight! 

(This doesn't count as a post, I should have a real one up by the end of the week)

Challenge!

It's my birthday week!  Yay!  Another year and I'm so very excited.  So to start off this year, I've decided to take on a challenge given by Paul Brunson (Modern Day Matchmaker).  The challenge that he presented is to approach 10 guys this month.  The result is that even though they all won't be a match made in Heaven, at least 1 or 2 (or 3 or 4) of them will result in a date, and maybe into a relationship.  Who knows!  

I feel like I'm a risk-taker so I've decided to accept the challenge.  If at the end of the challenge, you still don't meet anyone, then Paul will do a free one-on-one session with you to evaluate your "technique".  Now...even though that's a win-win, I would much rather have the date than the "this is why you're still single" consultation.  But I guess it's a win-win for the reader too (Bright Side!)...you either get to hear about how well (or bad) the date went and you get to hear about my adventures in approaching!  Either way this should be a pretty interesting experience (especially since it's my birthday week and that always brings on an elevated level of confidence...I might just complete the challenge in one night!)

If you're interested in joining the challenge, here's the information: Summer Dating Challenge

If you need pointers on approaching men, here they are: (from Paul, not me because that would be the blind leading the blind! lol): How To Approach A Man

For the single people, let's do the challenge together and compare notes! You in?

Bright Side:  I love challenges and what do I have to lose?  Absolutely nothing!  Let the games begin...

#27 dresses

Guess who's bizack!  Yes it's me, I've been moving around a lot (which isn't something new), and I've been carrying this post around in my head for the longest.  Last week, a really good friend of mine and I were in the car driving to a bible study when she just blurts out "Guess what?" Now, me being who I am, and depending on the person, my guess is either "You're Pregnant!" or "You're Getting Married!".  Because it was her, the only logical response was "You're Getting Married!"  and guess who won a million dollars!  Yep...me (not really)!  So she says that she's getting married and she wants me to be in it!  Now, I'm immediately happy for her because she and her boo/future husband are uber-cute together and I feel that she really deserves the happiness (not like other people don't), but she's my friend and I want all of my friends to be happy!

Fast Forward to the end of the night.  While I'm driving to go meet up with my LS for a birthday party, I start thinking about weddings that I've been a part of over the past couple of years.  Now, I'm only counting weddings after my college graduation 6 years ago.  So in the past 6 years, I've been in 10 (Yes, TEN) weddings (one year I was in 3)!  That's a lot of weddings and that's not counting the weddings that I was a part of from the age of 3-22!  I think if you add them all together, I've probably been in over 27 weddings.  My life is starting to feel like Jane (Kathryn Heigl) in 27 dresses.  If you think about it, we have a lot of similar characteristics.  We are in love with the idea of a wedding (me...I love the idea of marriage too,  it's like a scary, unpredictable, unknown), we will go through great lengths for the bride to make sure that her day is a special day, we genuinely love our friends and want to see them happy, and we have a slightly warped view of who our prince charming will be. 

In the case of Jane, she was fixated on one particular guy who was completely wrong for her when all the time, the person who was for her was right in front of her.  In the case of the Random Rambler, I don't really know what my problem is.  I've never been one to have a "type"  I just pray that he's God-fearing, attractive, taller than me, intelligent, caring, loving, etc.  I don't know, maybe Steve Harvey was right when he suggested that I may be in search of someone that isn't in search of me.  Who knows! And if one more person tells me to be patient, that God is preparing him for me, or that he'll come when I'm not looking, I'm going to scream!  When exactly does someone go into a room and not look?  A lot of people do a preliminary scan of who's there, regardless of if they are single or taken.  I know I do!  And if there's someone that I find attractive, I put a little extra pep in my step as I brush past him to go to the restroom or to meet up with my friends.  For me, that's just being real.  I'm very nosey observant (I always sit facing the door) so I'm always aware of what's going on wherever I am.  I don't think much there is changing!

The Bright Side:  Luckily, I have some decisions that are coming up, rather quickly, that I need to make, so my mind is somewhat occupied with that (and planning the bachelorette party for a good friend/ls's upcoming wedding...so much PRESSURE!! lol).  I'm sure that I'm not destined to be a sinlge lady for the rest of my days (I hope!) and I'm not trying to rush him who is not ready, but can I at least a drop of water in the Outback?  I mean, my dating life has gone from feast to famine in the past couple of months. **crosses fingers** wishful thinking!

Anyway, have a very happy (and safe) 4th of July weekend!