We Fall Down...

Greetings Brightsiders!

Last week was a very interesting week. By the end of my Valentine's Day night, I was feeling pretty good. My little brother and I spent some much needed time together, and we had a great night at the game. I also must brag on my (imaginary blood) brother, Joe. He is one of the best brother's EVER! He sent me flowers on Valentine's Day to shut me up about never having a Valentine. (LOL!) So, Valentine's Day ended up being a good day, but the interesting part of the week came on Friday. So...I'd been wanting to get out and do something (else) all week. When my LS had to cancel on me Friday, I immediately called up my neo's (Let's call them T & G) to see what they were getting into that night. We decided to meet up at a restaurant that I've been trying to get to for weeks now (SCORE!). We're sitting in the lounge/bar area waiting for our table when we see a few guys walk in together that were VERY easy on the eye. They go to the bar area and not too long after they find their party, it's time for us to be seated at our table. We get to our table and I'm in perfect view of the cuter of the 3 guys. (SCORE 2 for me!) We're sitting and chatting, then we somehow get on the subject of sending guys drinks. Well T shares that she's sent a guy a drink before and it wasn't a horrible experience. Now, this is COMPLETELY out of character for me because that's a complete switch in roles. Approaching a guy is one thing, but sending him a drink (or any comparable gesture) is a very bold move. So over the next couple of minutes, I'm going back and forth (in my mind) about whether I'm going to grow some juevos and do it or if I'm going to pass. I decide what the heck? So, I call over our waitress and she does the initial check (wedding band - no and drink of choice). Everything comes out positive so here we go...

The waitress takes the drink and immediately comes to our table to give an update. She said that he was blushing very hard and he would be over to say thank you in a few. About 10 minutes pass and T & G are looking behind me with strange looks on their faces. I turn around and a guy (who I did not send the drink to) was walking up to our table. Umm...wow! Turns out that the guy's friend came to the table to do preliminary introductions (GTFreakOH)! Who does that? So he asks me my name and tells me that his friend is shy (cue The Five Heartbeats "Shy Brother" segment). Then he says that his friend would really like to meet me and that I should come to their table. (Uhh...why are we sending our friends to handle our business?) But against my first thought I go to the table. I mean...I've already come this far, right? I get to the table and the guy can barely speak because he's so nervous. Now, the other people at the table are going on about their business except for one girl who's giving me some serious side-eye action. We do personal introductions and he then explains that he has a girlfriend, but he appreciates the gesture and he offers to buy me a drink (which I respectfully decline). Wait...STOP...REWIND! You have a girlfriend, but you sent your friend to insist that I come to your table to meet you? FAIL! So I do an about-face and return to my table deciding that this was the first AND LAST time that I will ever, ever do anything like that again. Well T explains that there is definitely a risk that you run when you make such a bold move and she's right. Well, we're leaving and I see a guy that I knew from my summer internship while I was in college. I was standing talking to him and I kid you not, the girl who was giving me that side-eye was almost standing in her chair watching me have this conversation. Mind you...the guy that I sent the drink to was sitting right next to her, so she couldn't have thought that I was trying to get at him on the sly. Idk.
 Bright Side: We Get Up! 

Truth Is...

I thought about what I was going to write as a post today (because we all know that I have an opinion about THIS day). I went back and forth about if I should write the all too cliché (and bitter) post about why I hate Valentine's Day or a post about how single people should just embrace the day and celebrate with their loved ones. I'm not going to do either, but I am going to give you some insight as to how I celebrate (or don't celebrate) this day.

After not having a significant other to celebrate today with for 6 years, most people would think that I should be able to treat this day just like every other day...but those people don't know me. I'm a hopeless romantic who loves to give and has a very vivid imagination. I have so many ideas of what to do for that special someone and I end of giving it away to someone who's in the position to use it. In the past, I've been the Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day and worn all black (like I'm wearing today...don't judge me) and replied "Bah Humbug" whenever I was greeted with a "Happy Valentine's Day" and I've tried celebrating "Single Awareness Day" with my friends, but last year took the cake. I decided to take myself on a date to go see the movie Valentine's Day and ended up crying on the phone to a friend because the movie just made me think about how single I was and how lonely I felt. Then, I had someone else cancel my Facebook account because I was tired of seeing all of the lovey-dovey status's. I was in a bad, bad place mentally. After all of that I was so drained emotionally that I just turned off my ringer and went to sleep...when I woke up, I had a missed call from my cousin telling me that her boyfriend proposed to her, so I jumped up and celebrated with her that night. Needless to say, it was a day of rollercoaster emotions.

With last year being so sucky, I decided earlier in the week that this year (like every other year) was going to be different. I was going to grab the bull by the horns and just celebrate the love that I do have in my life instead of the love that I feel that I'm missing. I was going to celebrate the good things going for me because I'm an attractive, intelligent young woman who has a lot going for her and a bright future ahead of her...that was until this morning. LOL I got to work and the elevators were out of order so I had to walk up stairs to get to my office and my boss was needier than ever…so much for my positive mood. I tried looking for The Bright Side: those stairs are going to make my butt look great and at least my boss needs me so that means that I have a job...right? My emotions are going back and forth ...thinking the best because it could be so much worse. I guess I'm just extra sensitive today.

I'm still trying to sort out my Valentine's Day emotions, but I think that it's getting better since I haven't broken down and started balling in front of my computer. lol I went to the Robin Thicke/Miguel concert with one of my girlfriends on Saturday, today I bought some of my favorite people (my family) sweets and treats, and tonight my little brother and I are going to the game tonight to watch the Rockets vs. the Nuggets (I'll get to see Courtney Lee and Carmelo Anthony...nice!).

Bright Side: I'm just going to accept the fact that my level of sensitivity is heightened on this day because I'm a loving person and there's nothing that I can do about it. I can just accept it (and be thankful that the day only lasts for 24 hours...and I'm sleep at least 13 of those hours). Eventually I will have someone to share this day (and the other 365 days) with and he will be very lucky, because I'll have a lot of time to make up for!

**Updated** Am I being too critical?

No, this is not a figment of your imagination! I'm actually writing a post on time! Yay for me! Anyway, not too long ago the accountant that works in our office was telling me about the guys that she was meeting on a new online dating site; some of them horror stories and some not that bad.  After my dilemma with the other site ("Vetta Says I Told You So"), I was a little hesitant to try it. But since [I'm trying to be] a little more open, I decided to give online dating another try. Surprisingly after I created and submitted my profile, I had a couple of hits and a full inbox and the messages keep rolling in. (I also saw someone that I knew viewed my page...talk about one of my worst fears coming to life.)

Now, I'm pretty careful about what type of information that I put on websites, both for safety and for fear of coming across unintelligent. I know what I think when I read headlines that say "flyer than the rest" or "Im Tx best kept secret" (y'all this man was wearing a 3 piece WHITE suit with a powder blue hat! I know why Texas keeps him a secret!) I also know that sometimes I can be a little critical, but I feel that on an online dating site you have to put your best foot forward because you only have one first impression. For instance, I typically won't send someone a message (I have to really like the picture, the description, and how they've answered the questions) and I understand that it's sometimes hard to make the first move, but I think that some of these men need proofreaders. It's not like you are walking up to someone and you are so nervous that the words just come out all wrong. Online you have the ability to read and re-read (or allow someone else to proofread) your message before you hit the send button. So am I in the wrong for having high expectations? Let me give you an example of the message that I received this morning: "Hey what's up I saw you had looked at my page and I wanted to say hi hope to here back from you" I just received an email from the site saying that I had a new message and this is the foolishness that was sent:

"how are you doing cutie. my name is [name deleted to protect those who don't believe in spellcheck]. was just browsing through..and your page caught my attention. i think you are cute and you seem..like you are more responsible and decnet.i think you are really cute,..even though i dont have the opportunity to chat with you right now but..i have the opportunity to write you. it wil be my pleasure to get to..know you if you dont mind. i am from the islands and you pretty much..look like one of us. wouldu you mind if we exchange numbers and get to..talk to each other more?pls reply my message and i hope i talk to upi sooon" 

or this one:

"hey baby gurl, you are beautiful, if u jus gav me a chance, ill b yo guardian angel, for you ill bring you the moon, ill b the man you never had and the one you always wanted, an all you hav to do is wake up in the morning an ill take it frm there.. i realy hope to hear frm you soon, when prayers go up blessing come down, i jus hope you catch the one thats being given to you right now.. :)i really do think you are very beautifull, and very..."
I don't know...maybe I'm being a little too critical.


Bright Side: My other messages haven't been too bad. If nothing else comes from this experience, at least I'll have new material for you! Lol

Rollin' With The Homies...

Since deciding to (fully) embrace the single life, I've been wearing my friends out using my free time to hang out with the ladies...and the fellas.  For me, my friendships are one of the most important relationships to me (next to my relationship with God and my family).  I'm not going to say not being in a relationship doesn't sometimes get lonely, but I've chosen to dwell on the people who are in my life and nurture those relationships and let the other pieces fall as they may. 

 (red velvet decorations courtesy of Andie's Candies Sweets & Treats)

For example, one day my sisters and I decided to get together and have a cupcake baking party (if you haven't been following Sprinkles Cupcakes on Twitter, you need to do so...like yesterday!  They give away free cupcakes daily and sometimes they throw free cupcake mix in there!). We had a good time baking Sprinkles Chocolate Peppermint cupcakes and red velvet cupcakes!  We talked, baked, decorated, and just really enjoyed each other's company.  It was one of the best times that I've had just being at home. 

But I don't just have fun with my girlfriends; I also have lots of fun with my guyfriends too.  Since one of my best friend's is a guy that I went to high school with, a lot of the time when I randomly call to see what he's doing, he's hanging out with some other guys that we went to high school with or his coworkers.  I then invite myself to whatever they are doing and I leave having a bunch of fun (because I can do that).  You see...they don't sensor themselves just because I'm there and I LOVE IT!!!  Just this past weekend I went by Marcus and Rudy's to hang out with them, Jose, Joeseph, Baley, Bryant and (even though I left for about 2 hours) ended up staying till about 2 am.  It's just a really good time hanging out, talking, and listening to their point of view.   And this isn't limited to just someone's house, I'm often the only girl when I'm hanging out with my Joe and his crew and I'm just as comfortable as if I was hanging out with the girls! 

For me, it's very important to have these kinds of relationships.  Even though some of them are in relationships and my life can get kind of hectic, we all seem to be able to make time for each other...to talk, to laugh, to live, and just to be around each other. 

Bright Side: I can honestly say that everyone that I have surrounding me are the best people with the biggest hearts.  Whether they be in my squad or just people that I hang around with on occasion, if I ever needed them (or vice versa) I know that they have my back...and I have theirs.  Can't wait for the Just Dance 2/Zumba/MJ Experience party, Girls Night at the Rockets game, and many more events to come.  It feels like once I started to embrace my single-ness, I don't think about it as much anymore.











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The Art of Fixation

fixation [fɪkˈseɪʃən]

(n) noun

1. the act of fixing or the state of being fixed

2. a preoccupation or obsession

(thanks freedictionary.com!)

You know how you can be just laying around or just doing something that doesn't require much thought and you just have one of those "Ah-ha!" moments?  Well, that happened to me a couple of days ago.  I was laying in the bed planning out what I was going to wear to work, when I had my Ah ha! moment.  Backstory: There's a guy that I started hanging out with again, and I thought that I was really starting to like him...a lot.  (Don't get me wrong...I do like spending time with him and hanging out, but I don't think that I like him as much as I thought that I did).  When I shared this information with a friend of mine, she warned me to slow my roll.  And I was successfully doing this until something awful and unexpected happened...a friend of mine was killed by LAPD.  Now, this guy and I weren't buddy-buddy, but we had a good "check-in" type of friendship (We would check in with each other every couple of months to make sure that we were doing okay) and I was just thinking about him earlier that week.  I was thinking that I needed to call him to see how the new year was going.  I thought about contacting him for a whole week until I got a text message about his untimely death.  I'm a very sensitive person, so even though we didn't have this strong friendship, I still kept thinking about the situation and him constantly.  So you can guess what happened...whenever I felt myself starting to think about my friend, I would immediately change my thoughts to "NBO" guy (New, but old).  So for the past week and a half I was thinking that I really liked NBO, but in reality I developed this fixation of NBO because that was my coping mechanism. Even though this helped me deal with the death (meaning not staying up till 5 am thinking about it), it started to become a problem with confusing my feeling for NBO.  I knew/know that I was interested, but it was hard to gauge my level of interest. 

When I was laying in the bed, it hit me that I have been doing this for a while.  This wasn't the first incident that I used something that was semi-positive to cope with something that wasn't so positive that was going on in my life...and that's not fair to me or to that person.  Because of this fixation, I developed (unfair) expectations, which lead to me being frustrated, which lead to me cutting some unsuspecting man off. Well, this time I've "slowed my roll" and I've just been taking it one day at a time.  Although I'm not sure exactly how I feel about NBO, I do know that I enjoy hanging out with him and that's just fine with me.

Bright Side:  I'm hoping that learning this new thing about myself will aid in me overthinking something else help me to take it slow and deal with the things going on in my life individually, and not using one to get over another.  See...I'm learning a lot more about myself.