The More Things Change...

About 2 years ago, I was on this serious dating streak.  I was meeting guys left & right and actually having a productive dating life.  During this time is when I met "The Bull".  A group of friends were having a dating auction and the two of us were there to support our friends.  My friend, Mya, and I were checking him out and everything looked pretty good.  Before he left, we exchanged numbers and that's were it all started to go down hill.

Now I would like to think of myself as pretty conservative.  I don't feel comfortable just going to someone's house (that I just met) to hang out at 2am. To me, the "understanding" is that there will be some sort of physical activity going on.  Now, I'm sure there are some people who do this and they just talk, well...I'm not even going to put myself in that position because who knows what will happen when I say no.  Anyway, Bull and I ran into each other a couple of hours later when I went out to meet some friends, and what did Bull ask?  He asked if I wanted to hang out at his house.  (Umm...no dude, I JUST met you almost 3 hours ago and you don't know me and most importantly...I DON'T KNOW YOU!) I politely declined and he asks again.  This should have been a RED FLAG, but we all know that [in my past] I didn't have the best track record of paying attention to these.  Well...Bull and I kept talking (and he kept trying to get me to come to his house and I kept saying no) for about 2 weeks.  Bull was cool to converse with, but Bull was obsessed with sex and talking about sex.  Like I said before, I'm pretty conservative when it comes to things like this so I would always change the subject.  I was starting to grow tired of the constant references towards sex, but Bull did me the favor of making it perfectly clear that he wasn't ready for what I was ready for.  One day, Bull and I made plans to hang out (in a public place) the next day.  He was supposed to call around a certain time and we would meet up.  Well guess what?  BULL NEVER CALLED...that day!  Bull called a couple of days later like nothing had ever happened and wondered why I answered his text message with "who is this?"  (I am the QUEEN of deleting numbers out of my phone) Then he proceeded to explain that he called but I didn't answer.  So I asked why he didn't leave a message or text...no valid response.  So Bull had to go...

FAST FORWARD TO 2010

My LS and I were at a football game when we were walking around looking for our seats and guess who we see? Yep...Bull.  I wasn't sure if it was really him (and I'm really bad at going up to the wrong person) so my LS went and verified.  When the game reached halftime, we went back around to the table and Bull and I exchanged information.  I'm always looking for the Bright Side, so I'm thinking that we're 2 years older so maybe he might have matured...WRONG!  Bull called me that night and what was one of the first topics out of his mouth...sex.  I changed the subject, he caught on, so we started talking about other things.  Conversation was good so I was starting to think that I made the right decision.  Bull and I hung out a couple of days later, then that evening he was talking about an exclusive courtship (dating exclusively...NOT a relationship.  I'm not that flow-y).  I was a little hesitant, but I'm trying to let go...so the next day I told him that I was down.  But then Bull started these 2 week disappearances. RED FLAG  I mean...I wouldn't talk to him, see him, or anything.  I might call the first day, but my calls would ring once then go to voicemail.  Then when I was just starting to do some deleting, Bull would text.  Really?  So when I asked what was with the disappearing acts, he would say that he was busy with work, going out of town, etc.  Now...I'm not Boo-Boo-the-fool.  So I would explain that if someone was really interested in the person, they would make time to communicate.  It doesn't take anything to send a text just to say "hey" or send an email.  But the funny thing is that he had plenty of time to check his fantasy football and watch every sport imaginable on tv, with his friens, or with his neighbor.  The other funny thing is that when I asked him about going out he said "If you're good"...wait playback...did he really say what I thought that he said?  (Last time I checked, I was 27 and not a 5 year old who could be put in "time out") Yeah...he was being deleted...again.  So then he calls and asks why I was upset, so I proceeded to explain but I could tell that he just wasn't getting it.  After the explanation he hit me with a "See...this is why black men date white wom..CLICK  I hung up the phone so fast that I didn't even hear the last part of the statement.  (I understand that was a bit juvenile, but...I couldn't resist) So I sent a text that told him to communicate with me one he got some sense (yes...I said it just like that) and he responded with an equally juvenile "F U". A week later he sends a blank text that I don't respond to, then he calls...twice. 

Bright Side:
Maybe what he is used to is a lot of back & forth drama, but my last relationship was full of that and I'm not going to start a new one in that way.  I'm so happy that I've come to the point where I'm not going to lower my standards to be with just any man instead of waiting for the one to come who will respect me, my time, and my efforts.

The Numbers Are Frightening!

Good Evening!  I typically don't do posts in the evening, but I HAD to make an exception tonight.  I am freaking out and this is the only way that I can calm my nerves.  I just had a line sister give me a call to let me know that the person who requested friendship earlier might have alterior motives.  I listened to the story and thought it was quite funny until she started throwing out some statistics that left me a little uneasy.  You see, this person asked her who on our line was single (not married, engaged, or in a relationship) and she told them three of us.  Now...this number wouldn't seem so bad if there weren't TWENTY-TWO (THREE) of us on our line.  Now...I started thinking about this number and I realized that I am the fifth oldest person on our line (not that age really matters) and one of three who isn't even in a relationship.  Heck...I'm not even entertaining any possibilities.  Then...if you know me then you know that I'm an analytical thinker, so I started looking to my inner circle.  My J(A) Squad...Joe - relationship, Cheezie - married, Joneka - married, Jennifer - relationship, Angela - relationship...hmm so I'm the only one there.  I even looked into my extended circle and yep...I'm the only one there too.  Have I become the "one in ? number"?  The more I think about it the scarier it gets.  One of my greatest fears is that I will have to live the rest of my life with everyone around being able to enjoy the love and companionship that comes with having a significant other in their life and I'm just alone.  I know that this is the point where I need to tell my brain to slow down because I'm only 27 and I'm thinking way too hard on this subject and that I can't judge my future by a percentage or even a number.  And that's exactly what I am going to do...I'm going to pay attention to this Texans game and stop thinking about being 60y/o, in a house by myself, and living with 15 cats. 


Wooosah!  Thanks for letting me release and enjoy the rest of your night!

Bright Side: After I started freaking out on the phone, my line sister said something that didn't sink in until now.  "Compromise the first time means there will be a second time." - Ashlee

Three Sides to Every Story...

Morning!  Ok so a friend game me a BRIGHT IDEA! We were talking on FB Chat (yes...I'm always logged on) and he suggested that I give y'all another side to my dating life.  They always say that there are three sides to every story: your side. their side. and the truth.  Well...I've been giving you my side for the past 9 mos, so now I'm going to give you their side.  Well...I'm going to do something a little different and let him give you his opinion of the dating experience with the Random Rambler (and no, I'm not editing anything he's going to type and publish and I'm going to take it)...

Let's call this guy "Carter."  Carter and I went to college together.  Although we were just cool in college, some kind of way we ended up dating.  Carter was still in college (I was channeling my inner cougar) when we first started dating and throughout this on again-off again dating cycle, he graduated and still nothing came of it.  In my opinion, Carter & I didn't work because I felt that he needed to experience post-collegiate dating.  And to be honest, I always felt like I was older...part of that could have been my fault because I felt the need to explain why something wasn't acceptable, but personally, some things should be common knowledge.  For example, Carter & I had been talking about fried pickles for the longest!  We made plans to go to this one place when I came into town. I was SUPER excited about these pickles (y'all fried pickles from this place are SOOO good!).  Well...when my sister & I reached the city limits, I text Carter that I was there and I was ready for pickles...this ninja had the audacity to tell me that he was playing RockBand and didn't say anything about the pickles. Needless to say, my sister and I went on our own but my feelings were hurt.  We talked about these dang pickles for at least a week, but when I got there he was playing a game that could have been paused.  Maybe it wasn't really the pickles but the thought that after this long, a video game was more important.  But that's just one example...I think after Dating Cycle 3, it was pretty obvious that no matter how much I liked Carter, we were on different pages at different times and it was time to let go. But Carter & I are cool enough that when I give him a random call about writing on my blog, he agrees.


Well, we went out a couple of times, different places here and there. I was still in college and I was single for the first time in a while and wasn't looking for anything serious, I just wanted good company. We hung out,  we had fun. I never crossed the line by making a move, because I knew what would have happened and when I felt her feelings were growing, I backed away. I think if I would have made a move, one of two things would have happened; she would have caught stronger feelings or she would have rejected me and things would have been just weird and I didn't want neither result. Looking back, I probably should have communicated how I felt and that could have saved a lot miscommunication, but at the time, I did not feel it was necessary seeing that we were just friends. I didn't see us as dating but just hanging out. (Random Rambler) seemed like she was looking for a serious relationship and I knew that I wasn't. My failure in communicating came down to the fact that we were good friends and I did not want to hurt her feelings or jeopardize our friendship. I think we were not only on different pages but we were reading different books at the time. I was 22 and single. lol If I was 3 years older and a little more mature at the time, this blog post would be a lot different.

So yeah...as you can see I probably need to write a post on the difference between dating and hanging out because obviously I don't know the difference.  Like I said before "Carter" and I are still cool and hindsight is always 20/20.

B