I'm supposed to be working (studying for my GRE that I take on Saturday), but this just couldn't wait. Remember when I was telling y'all about me purging my phonebook (life) of men who I knew in my heart of hearts weren't what I needed? Well...I was just reminded of why someone was put on that delete list.
A couple of years ago, I met a guy at a work function. All odds were against him because he was young and he lived a couple hundred miles away but he was REALLY, REALLY cute. (Now this is one of those "If I knew then what I know now" moments, but hindsight is 20/20, right?) During our week of hanging out, I found out a lot about him. He was actually more than just eye candy...he was actually a nice guy. I soon realized that it was all a front. Needless to say, after he went home the true colors came out. He gave me a headache just looking his name in my phonebook.
So now back to the other day when I was deleting numbers out of my phone. I just knew that after I started deleting numbers, something would happen where someone found their way back into my present (yes, i meant present as in present-day and not presence). I am in love with all things Essence...the magazine, the online site, the online blog, etc, so imagine my surprise when I'm reading one of the articles and I see the youngster's pictures at the bottom of the page. I immediately stop reading the article and click on the picture and there's a full feature of him as the "Eye Candy of the Week." (at this point I stop, close out the screen, go back to the page...just had to make sure that I was on the right website) Now I'm one to give credit where credit is due (or subconsciously I just wanted to see if he'd grown up since our last conversation), so I send a message saying just "Congrats, I saw your spread on the website" to which he replied "Ohh thanks babe I appreciate it how r u". And the rest of the conversation is below...
Me: I'm good. Just working
(the next few messages are just the usual catching up messages until...)
Younster: I wonder how good our love making would have been
Me: (I had to re-read this statement about 3 times before I believed that this dude really asked me this question...and as much as I knew that I needed to just ignore the comment and delete the texting thread, I just HAD to respond) How is something making love when you aren't IN love with them...it's just sex.
Y: Well our sex. I think somewhere in there ur still curious and want 2. right or wrong
Me: I don't think you really understand...see my sex and my time are very important and valuable to me...not everyone gets either one and it's very rare that someone gets both. You should feel pretty good that you got one of the two.
**more going back & forth with him trying to convice me of how great it would be and me saying no thank you (too long to type & i'm kinda embarassed that I even fell into this conversation) **
Me:I'm done with this convo...we'll just have to agree to disagree. You make my head hurt
Y: I'll give you a massage
M: Sans the happy ending?
Y:Hahaha
M: That's what I thought, I would've come to visit but I don't think you would've been able to handle it
Y: That's fine, I don't have to. If you trying to keep it platonic just know other females would have probably been dropping by since you're on your miss good good girl
At first I was a little offended but then I realized that I really shouldn't be...I'm the one who entertained the conversation. I should've just ended it after the catching up part was over...what did I really expect? Oh well...another day lived and another lesson learned.
Bright Side: Vetta has another win in her column and I now realize that sometimes the past really should stay the past.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
It's Just Lunch...and an arm!
So...I have a friend who suggested that I try another way of dating since I'm off online dating sites and the idea of meeting someone while I'm visiting random places is growing bleaker as the days go by. She suggested that I try an actual dating service (think Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker minus the millionare) that her friend tried and is having a lot of luck with. I'll try anything once so I go online to search for the site. When I get to the site, everything seems cool. I know that it's probably too good to be true - especially since I don't see a price for this fantabulous service. Now, Vetta is skeptical of this service but we both decide to fill out the initial survey to see what it's all about. Survey/Informational complete, now we're just waiting on the call.
I get a call around 3:30 pm from one of the representatives from the company. I'm still at work so I instruct her to call me back after 5 pm. When we finally speak on the phone, she goes into the usual spill about the history of the company, what the service is about, what the rules are, etc. I'm thinking that it's a really convenient service and that I should have tried it out sooner, but Vetta is searching for the catch. Sure enough...it comes out.
The conversation goes a little like this:
Service Rep (SR): So what do you do?
Me: I work in non-profit. (I go a little more into detail with her but y'all don't want to hear all of that)
SR: Oh that's great, how do you normally meet people?
Me: I usually meet men when I go out to different places, but to be honest I don't really get approached. It's like I intimidate them.
SR: Yeah, we get that a lot. Have you ever tried approaching them?
Me: Yes, but then they start to think that I'm supposed to initiate everything and that's just not the way things should be done.
SR: Yes, I understand. Well you sound like you would be a great fit for the company and I should be able to find you plenty of matches. All I need you to do is (this is where I start to get a little uneasy) come in for about a hour so that you can complete a profile (that's not bad), tell me exactly what you are looking for in a mate (still okay), bring your schedule for two weeks so that I can start setting you up on lunch dates and dinner dates (okay...maybe it's not so bad), and bring your credit card or check for the $1,900 (yes you read that correctly) yearly fee (Umm...come again? NINETEEN HUNDRED dollars for you to set me up with someone that I've never seen and don't know? Great concept buuuuut I'll pass!)
Yeah...needless to say, I will not be signing up for this service. It still baffles me as to how someone would & could justify charging someone $1,900 to fix them up on blind dates? Maybe I'm in the wrong profession...
Bright Side: I got a really good laugh today AND I know that there's somewhere I can go if I find my self at the age 40+ with 10 cats and the highlight of my day is when all 10 find their litter boxes and I remember all of their names.
I get a call around 3:30 pm from one of the representatives from the company. I'm still at work so I instruct her to call me back after 5 pm. When we finally speak on the phone, she goes into the usual spill about the history of the company, what the service is about, what the rules are, etc. I'm thinking that it's a really convenient service and that I should have tried it out sooner, but Vetta is searching for the catch. Sure enough...it comes out.
The conversation goes a little like this:
Service Rep (SR): So what do you do?
Me: I work in non-profit. (I go a little more into detail with her but y'all don't want to hear all of that)
SR: Oh that's great, how do you normally meet people?
Me: I usually meet men when I go out to different places, but to be honest I don't really get approached. It's like I intimidate them.
SR: Yeah, we get that a lot. Have you ever tried approaching them?
Me: Yes, but then they start to think that I'm supposed to initiate everything and that's just not the way things should be done.
SR: Yes, I understand. Well you sound like you would be a great fit for the company and I should be able to find you plenty of matches. All I need you to do is (this is where I start to get a little uneasy) come in for about a hour so that you can complete a profile (that's not bad), tell me exactly what you are looking for in a mate (still okay), bring your schedule for two weeks so that I can start setting you up on lunch dates and dinner dates (okay...maybe it's not so bad), and bring your credit card or check for the $1,900 (yes you read that correctly) yearly fee (Umm...come again? NINETEEN HUNDRED dollars for you to set me up with someone that I've never seen and don't know? Great concept buuuuut I'll pass!)
Yeah...needless to say, I will not be signing up for this service. It still baffles me as to how someone would & could justify charging someone $1,900 to fix them up on blind dates? Maybe I'm in the wrong profession...
Bright Side: I got a really good laugh today AND I know that there's somewhere I can go if I find my self at the age 40+ with 10 cats and the highlight of my day is when all 10 find their litter boxes and I remember all of their names.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Some Kind Of Way
I LOVE music...not one genre, not one era, not one artist, but ALL of it. While a lot of people just listen to the beat, I'm the type of person who listens to the words too. That's the part of the music that I connect with the most. I love it when I can listen to a song and my imagination runs with it's own interpretation, but when I watch the video or hear the artist explain their thoughts about the song they meant it in a completely different way. A lot of times I feel like music can express my feelings and my emotions a lot better than I can, so I find that everytime something happens I always have a line from someone's song to describe it perfectly. With that being said, I have had this song in my head for a couple of days now and I love the chorus. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Getting That Itch (not like that)
A lot of times I find myself sitting and daydreaming about random things (surprisingly, most of the time it's while I'm at work lol). Lately, it's been about how so much has changed from when I was younger to now. I remember when guys used to approach a female and actually not mind putting forth the effort to "win" her over. They would actually initiate conversation and actually let you know that they were "feelin" you. Nowadays, it seems like all they want is for a female to approach and chase them. I'm not sure what cosmic shift occured in the atmosphere that made them change the way things work but I need to know who to send the memo to so we can CHANGE THINGS BACK!! Seriously, is there someone in charge who just up & decided that female-male interaction needed a change? Is this an underground movement? Is there a secret society? [insert Love Jones quote here]
Now, I'm not saying that I expect a man to beg and plead on bended knee while holding flowers in one hand and holding & kissing the back of my hand in the other, but I do expect a man to put forth some effort. Chivalry can't be dead. I would appreciate it if a man who's interested in communicating with me would do so when he hasn't done something wrong. You know what I mean...when he's in the dog house THEN he wants to text and call you all the time, but when y'all are cool then he expects you to do all of the communicating. I understand that we all have our separate lives to live and life can get pretty hectic, BUT if a man is interested then there should be NO DOUBT in my mind that he is. My life is like a whirlwind but if I'm feeling someone, I'll send a text just to say hey when I start to think about him. I also understand that men think very differently from females, but I also know that people make time for who and what they want to make time for.
If you know me then you know that every so often I start cleaning out my mind and my phone. I call this the Dismissing and Deleting period...no excuses. I'm not thinking about how things were in the past, what they used to do, I'm not making any excuses because I'm only dealing with the present. What are you doing now? [cue Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done For Me Lately?" here] If the only time I hear from you is when I contact you, you're getting deleted. I know you're probably thinking that this is something that I should have done a long time ago but hey, better late than never.
Maybe purging my life (and phonebook) of the old will make room for the new (and hopefully better). I know that there are guys out there who don't mind putting forth the effort (because I'm way past worth it) and hopefully they'll start to reveal themselves (sooner than later), because I'm ready to post some dating success stories (and I'm sure you're ready to read them).
**Update 3/25/2010**
Purge Complete...hope I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings by sending the "who is this?" response...well...tbh (to be honest) I kinda really don't care at this point (consider the brick wall back up). lol
Monday, March 22, 2010
#dearfuturehusband
I have a twitter account (Vonne716), but I'm just starting to use it. When I logged on this morning, I noticed that that one of my Fav 5 (Music Edition) had an interesting tweet. I guess Monday's trending topic is #dearfuturehusband. Now me being who I am, I don't just have one request, I have a couple...here are my top 5:
#dearfuturehusband please remember to put the toilet seat down so that I don't fall in the toilet.
#dearfuturehusband When I'm happy, you're happy
#dearfuturehusband I hope you know that when you say "I Do" it's until DEATH do us part...I don't get down with that seperation/divorce mess.
#dearfuturehusband It is not funny nor is it sexy when I am upset (Ne-yo will get you cut)
#dearfuturehusband Foot massages, surprises, lillies & tulips, cleaning up the kitchen, and cooking will put a smile on my face.
That is all (not really but that's all I feel like typing).
If you could, what would you want to tell your future husband?
#dearfuturehusband please remember to put the toilet seat down so that I don't fall in the toilet.
#dearfuturehusband When I'm happy, you're happy
#dearfuturehusband I hope you know that when you say "I Do" it's until DEATH do us part...I don't get down with that seperation/divorce mess.
#dearfuturehusband It is not funny nor is it sexy when I am upset (Ne-yo will get you cut)
#dearfuturehusband Foot massages, surprises, lillies & tulips, cleaning up the kitchen, and cooking will put a smile on my face.
That is all (not really but that's all I feel like typing).
If you could, what would you want to tell your future husband?
Vetta say's "I Told You So!"
So I am a member of THE best sorority in the world (proven fact that it's the BIGGEST, BOLDEST :) ). It just so happens that I was able to go through the process of joining this organization with a couple of friends of mine. Well...one of my frienisters (friend & sister) has been threatening to secretly complete a profile on a dating site for me. When she first said it I was like NO! I felt like dating sites were for desperate losers. I mean, who really tries to meet someone online? I guess I watch too much CSI and Without A Trace because I was also pretty paranoid. Like I would set up a profile then all of a sudden have a cyber stalker who turns into a real-life stalker and long story short, I end up going all J-Lo in Enough on his monkey tail. But anyway...after reading what I call the Black Woman's Monthly Bible, I saw an article about trying a new way of dating if your current method isn't really working out for you. So, since it's in this magazine that I think is the best thing since sliced bread then it must be okay, right? I go to the website that they listed as the best but it's just my luck that my city isn't currently being serviced. But the bright side is that they list a couple of other reputable sites to try out.
So one day I actually get up the nerve to create a profile. I browse through the people they have recommended for me. When I first start to scroll down the page I'm like "Dang...is this who I should be dating?" Those 10 cats and that rocking chair on the porch is looking preeeetty good to me right about now. Then I look at the left hand bar of the screen and I see that I have a message in my inbox. That was fast! So I check out the vitals on his profile...picture - cute (forehead a little big, but beggars can't be all that picky), age - within the 25-30 range, grammar - had to check the technology dictionary for the definition of "nu" and "wez" (won't be expecting a 4-page letter from him), height - 5'10 (ehhh...). Now, in the back of my mind I was thinking that I needed to delete him, but I told Vetta (my intuition, not to be confused with Gretta my inner fat girl who likes to come out and play from time to time) to just hush and let me see what happens.
I wait a day to respond to the message (I don't want to seem too eager...but I do have to keep in mind that I am on an online dating site [insert self-judgement here]). I finally respond and he asks me for my number. I'm a little hesitant but I rationalize giving him my number by thinking about how well I know a guy who approaches me at a restaurant, the mall, or any other public place. Again I shush Vetta and give up the 10 (digits). Cyber So-So (not quite a hottie but he's not a dog either) and I have an interesting chat. I find out that in lieu of college he decided to go into the armed forces (can't knock it...i likes my freedom) and that he seems to be an individual that I don't mind sharing my time with. We make a meeting date to meet up at a well-lit, safe, public venue with PLENTY of security. The night of the meeting comes and when I get there I park close to the entrance (can't be too sure...crazies come in all colors, sizes, shapes, etc.) and go in. I get there early so I can position myself to see him before he sees me, that way I can make a mad dash to the door if I need to. I'm lying...I really wanted to get there early so that I could play a few games before he arrived lol. He comes through to the Midway and he is ALMOST like his profile. He's a little shorter than he noted and his forehead isn't as big as I thought...his nose is but again, beggars can not be all that picky. So that meeting comes & goes and it's cool. He calls a couple of days later and we make an official date. (Note: I really didn't consider that a date but more like a meeting...bceause it was the first face-to-face interaction, plus I didn't drink or eat. We just sat and talked)
The actual date comes around and he decides that he wants to go to a nice restaurant. I arrive on time. 5 minutes pass...10 minutes...15 minutes...still no signs of CSS (Cyber So-So). I finally call to see what's up and guess what? Yep, he forgot what time we were supposed to meet up. Now, I didn't just waste a hour trying to put together a perfectly prepared outfit so I sit there and finally after about 25 minutes CSS shows up. We talk and I'm thinking that maybe the internet wasn't a bad place to explore after all. Well...end of the meal comes and the waiter brings the check. CSS opens the bill, looks at it, closes the bill, then sets it on the table. I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't want the night to end so he's not ready to pay. Then excuses himself to go to the restroom. Now, I've watched enough dating shows to know to watch people. So I'm watching JUST to make sure that he doesn't have the audacity to leave and skip out on the check. (one reason I always sit facing the door...call me overly-skeptical but I call it extreme caution) So anyway, CSS comes back to the table, opens the bill again (like the amount changed), closes it again and starts to look in his wallet. I'm thinking to myself "What the hell...not again, please not again!" Well he pulls out his bankcard and pays. [insert sigh of relief here] Well when the waiter comes back, CSS looks at me and is like "You got the tip?" under his breath. I'm looking a little puzzled, then I reply "Come again?"(I must admit that I'm a little irritated and I did say that with a slight attitude) At this point he decides to put a little bass in his voice and increase his volume "Do you have the tip?"
Side Bar: Now...I do not mind paying for a meal or chipping in with the tip IF the activity was my idea, IF we have been dating a while, or IF we are just cool like that. BUT if YOU asked ME out, then it is expected that you cover the costs...ALL of them. And I also expect for you to check the online menu for the establishment so that you know what type of costs you should be expecting to hit your account after you submit payment or pick another place. So in this case, I was definitely disgusted and offended but I handled it.
I hand over something for tip, say goodbye, and get up to leave (why waste anymore of my time?). Needless to say his calls and texts went unanswered and I have yet to revisit the site again. While I was driving home, all I could hear was Vetta saying "I told you so!".
So what do you think...was this too harsh of a response?
So one day I actually get up the nerve to create a profile. I browse through the people they have recommended for me. When I first start to scroll down the page I'm like "Dang...is this who I should be dating?" Those 10 cats and that rocking chair on the porch is looking preeeetty good to me right about now. Then I look at the left hand bar of the screen and I see that I have a message in my inbox. That was fast! So I check out the vitals on his profile...picture - cute (forehead a little big, but beggars can't be all that picky), age - within the 25-30 range, grammar - had to check the technology dictionary for the definition of "nu" and "wez" (won't be expecting a 4-page letter from him), height - 5'10 (ehhh...). Now, in the back of my mind I was thinking that I needed to delete him, but I told Vetta (my intuition, not to be confused with Gretta my inner fat girl who likes to come out and play from time to time) to just hush and let me see what happens.
I wait a day to respond to the message (I don't want to seem too eager...but I do have to keep in mind that I am on an online dating site [insert self-judgement here]). I finally respond and he asks me for my number. I'm a little hesitant but I rationalize giving him my number by thinking about how well I know a guy who approaches me at a restaurant, the mall, or any other public place. Again I shush Vetta and give up the 10 (digits). Cyber So-So (not quite a hottie but he's not a dog either) and I have an interesting chat. I find out that in lieu of college he decided to go into the armed forces (can't knock it...i likes my freedom) and that he seems to be an individual that I don't mind sharing my time with. We make a meeting date to meet up at a well-lit, safe, public venue with PLENTY of security. The night of the meeting comes and when I get there I park close to the entrance (can't be too sure...crazies come in all colors, sizes, shapes, etc.) and go in. I get there early so I can position myself to see him before he sees me, that way I can make a mad dash to the door if I need to. I'm lying...I really wanted to get there early so that I could play a few games before he arrived lol. He comes through to the Midway and he is ALMOST like his profile. He's a little shorter than he noted and his forehead isn't as big as I thought...his nose is but again, beggars can not be all that picky. So that meeting comes & goes and it's cool. He calls a couple of days later and we make an official date. (Note: I really didn't consider that a date but more like a meeting...bceause it was the first face-to-face interaction, plus I didn't drink or eat. We just sat and talked)
The actual date comes around and he decides that he wants to go to a nice restaurant. I arrive on time. 5 minutes pass...10 minutes...15 minutes...still no signs of CSS (Cyber So-So). I finally call to see what's up and guess what? Yep, he forgot what time we were supposed to meet up. Now, I didn't just waste a hour trying to put together a perfectly prepared outfit so I sit there and finally after about 25 minutes CSS shows up. We talk and I'm thinking that maybe the internet wasn't a bad place to explore after all. Well...end of the meal comes and the waiter brings the check. CSS opens the bill, looks at it, closes the bill, then sets it on the table. I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't want the night to end so he's not ready to pay. Then excuses himself to go to the restroom. Now, I've watched enough dating shows to know to watch people. So I'm watching JUST to make sure that he doesn't have the audacity to leave and skip out on the check. (one reason I always sit facing the door...call me overly-skeptical but I call it extreme caution) So anyway, CSS comes back to the table, opens the bill again (like the amount changed), closes it again and starts to look in his wallet. I'm thinking to myself "What the hell...not again, please not again!" Well he pulls out his bankcard and pays. [insert sigh of relief here] Well when the waiter comes back, CSS looks at me and is like "You got the tip?" under his breath. I'm looking a little puzzled, then I reply "Come again?"(I must admit that I'm a little irritated and I did say that with a slight attitude) At this point he decides to put a little bass in his voice and increase his volume "Do you have the tip?"
Side Bar: Now...I do not mind paying for a meal or chipping in with the tip IF the activity was my idea, IF we have been dating a while, or IF we are just cool like that. BUT if YOU asked ME out, then it is expected that you cover the costs...ALL of them. And I also expect for you to check the online menu for the establishment so that you know what type of costs you should be expecting to hit your account after you submit payment or pick another place. So in this case, I was definitely disgusted and offended but I handled it.
I hand over something for tip, say goodbye, and get up to leave (why waste anymore of my time?). Needless to say his calls and texts went unanswered and I have yet to revisit the site again. While I was driving home, all I could hear was Vetta saying "I told you so!".
So what do you think...was this too harsh of a response?
Friday, March 19, 2010
FUMBLE!
So last night as I was sitting on the couch (dating season is a little slow) upset that a new Grey's Anatomy wasn't going to be on, my cousin calls me and tells me about a friend from out of town who wants to go watch the game. My first question is "is he cute?" (I know, I know...I'm such a single female) Now, I can watch sports if I'm out & about or if I'm watching it with someone but you won't catch me at home watching March Madness on my own. But anyway, we set a time and we meet up at the spot. When she walks up to the guy, I'm thinking to myself that he was DEFINITELY worth getting off my couch for. Allow me to paint a picture...tall (I'm 5'9 1/2 and he had at least a good 5-6 inches on me), very handsome, very nice smile, gorgeous eyes, educated, intelligent, my frat brother, and most importantly, very down to Earth...my cousin never fails me (Thanks J-Cheezie). Now, he says his age (3 years younger than me) but that's something that can be overlooked, especially if I can't guess his age by having a conversation with him.
So we're all sitting in the bar area watching college basketball when the waiter comes over to take our order. Well, I don't know what exactly happened because when I came to out of La-La Land, I just saw beer shooting over the table AT me and I just felt cold, wet liquid all over my jeans, my shirt, and my scarf. He was MORTIFIED (as well he should be). So I'm pretty quick on my feet. I take the scarf off, put my jacket on, and zip it up...I'm still wet and smell like beer, but I'm presentable and no one would be able to tell. So I'm cool and the night goes on...
Bright Side: He paid for my ticket and he ended up being a pretty cool guy. By the end of the night, I forgot that he even spilled the drink on me.
So we're all sitting in the bar area watching college basketball when the waiter comes over to take our order. Well, I don't know what exactly happened because when I came to out of La-La Land, I just saw beer shooting over the table AT me and I just felt cold, wet liquid all over my jeans, my shirt, and my scarf. He was MORTIFIED (as well he should be). So I'm pretty quick on my feet. I take the scarf off, put my jacket on, and zip it up...I'm still wet and smell like beer, but I'm presentable and no one would be able to tell. So I'm cool and the night goes on...
Bright Side: He paid for my ticket and he ended up being a pretty cool guy. By the end of the night, I forgot that he even spilled the drink on me.
Oops!
So...a new friend of mine (STRICTLY a FRIEND) invited me to his birthday events. When I made it known that it is very important to celebrate ON your birthday, he then decided to have a small get together at a local restuarant on his actual birthday. So he sends me a text message informing me of the logistics and I was like "Cool, I'll be there." Now, this is just a homie buuuuut we talk on an overly regular basis. For the most part, we talk almost everyday (not one-sided either, I contact him & he contacts me) and we've grown to be pretty close friends. The evening of the birthday dinner comes and I'm in the parking garage with my cousin and her fiancee. Dude walks straight past us (with another female). Now my cousin says that she saw him give a slight wave but I didn't see it. Dude was walking fast...like extreme power walking fast. By the time we got to the restaurant, they were already upstairs and on the patio and chilling like they had been there a minute. We get to the rest of the group and he just stands there with a crazy look on his face. Now, I'm not sure what exactly is going on because like I said before "we're just friends". But, as the bigger person, I go over and speak to him and the girl.
The entire time that we are there, his friends are making a big deal of the situation. Not the awkwardness of his situation with me, but of the situation with him and the girl he brought. Please note that we are at 2 separate tables, I'm sitting with his best friend, my cousin, and her fiancee and he and the girl are at the other table. By the end of the night, I was just ready to go so when my cousin announced that she was leaving, I jumped up and left with her. Why sit there to celebrate someone's birthday when they barely acknowledged my existence? Like I just crashed the party...uh no dude you invited me.
So yeah...extreme awkwardness at it's finest.
The entire time that we are there, his friends are making a big deal of the situation. Not the awkwardness of his situation with me, but of the situation with him and the girl he brought. Please note that we are at 2 separate tables, I'm sitting with his best friend, my cousin, and her fiancee and he and the girl are at the other table. By the end of the night, I was just ready to go so when my cousin announced that she was leaving, I jumped up and left with her. Why sit there to celebrate someone's birthday when they barely acknowledged my existence? Like I just crashed the party...uh no dude you invited me.
So yeah...extreme awkwardness at it's finest.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Um, sir...
Sooo...after the last dating disaster from church you can imagine my hesitation when I was asked out by another Brother So & So. I was going through a dating dry spell so I decided to go anyway. Well...we set a time, place, date, etc and we started to move forward. We talked a couple of times on the phone and the conversations went well. So by this time, my excitment is gradually rising until...
DAY OF THE DATE...
He's 20 minutes late picking me up. Now, my friends know how I feel about my time but I'll fill you in. Time is my most valuable, unrenewable resource. When it's gone, it's the one thing that I can't get back so I'm pretty protective of it. With that being said, I still managed to keep a smile on my face and act like it was "no big deal." We get to the restaurant and he orders an appetizers and this huge meal. The conversation is flowing and I'm starting to think that he has redeemed himself from his tardiness until...he gives the waiter his card to pay for the bill. The waiter comes back and the conversation went a little like this...
Waiter (W): (in spanish accent) Sir, you're card doesn't work.
Brother So & So (BSS): (puzzled look) Are you sure, maybe you should try it again.
W: Sir, it was declined again.
BSS: Why don't you try a different machine?
W: Okay sir, but I don't think it's our machine because I've tried your card on 2 different machines.
Me: (sliding down in my chair with uber-embarassed look on my face)
BSS: Sorry sir, the card still no work.
W: Ahh man, okay.
**waiter leaves**
W: (calls automated bank line) Ahh man, I just bought some gas.
Me: **in my mind** are you serious?
So I pull out some cash and pay for the ticket and get up and leave as soon as the waiter picks it up. Awkward silence in the car as he drives me back to my place. When we get there, I force a smile and a goodbye and get out of the car.
Bright Side: He did come bring me my money about a week later. But, still no 2nd date for him.
DAY OF THE DATE...
He's 20 minutes late picking me up. Now, my friends know how I feel about my time but I'll fill you in. Time is my most valuable, unrenewable resource. When it's gone, it's the one thing that I can't get back so I'm pretty protective of it. With that being said, I still managed to keep a smile on my face and act like it was "no big deal." We get to the restaurant and he orders an appetizers and this huge meal. The conversation is flowing and I'm starting to think that he has redeemed himself from his tardiness until...he gives the waiter his card to pay for the bill. The waiter comes back and the conversation went a little like this...
Waiter (W): (in spanish accent) Sir, you're card doesn't work.
Brother So & So (BSS): (puzzled look) Are you sure, maybe you should try it again.
W: Sir, it was declined again.
BSS: Why don't you try a different machine?
W: Okay sir, but I don't think it's our machine because I've tried your card on 2 different machines.
Me: (sliding down in my chair with uber-embarassed look on my face)
BSS: Sorry sir, the card still no work.
W: Ahh man, okay.
**waiter leaves**
W: (calls automated bank line) Ahh man, I just bought some gas.
Me: **in my mind** are you serious?
So I pull out some cash and pay for the ticket and get up and leave as soon as the waiter picks it up. Awkward silence in the car as he drives me back to my place. When we get there, I force a smile and a goodbye and get out of the car.
Bright Side: He did come bring me my money about a week later. But, still no 2nd date for him.
Don't Hate The Player...
So...as I stated in my intro, my friends and I have regular conversations about being single. Personally, I feel that my issue is that I just don't meet men...well not that I don't meet men, I don't meet the quality of man that I feel that I deserve. One person's suggestion was that I try meeting someone at church. (insert slight chuckle and rolling eyes here) Now before you start to think that I'm a heathen, I go to church very regularly and I'm very involved in the various activities, including the Singles Ministry. I have also been at the church that I attend my WHOLE.ENTIRE.LIFE. Almost every guy that is there, I've known from birth (or very close).
Well you have to imagine my surprise when I walk in the church auditorium and see a very attractive young man sitting in one of the pews on Sunday. Almost immediately my antenna is raised and I'm zeroing in...inconspicuousely, of course! After service (and in private) I interrogate a few people who I know have the 411 (does anyone even say "411" anymore? Oh well...I guess I do ha ha). I receive all of the vital statistics: age - my age, background - college graduate WITH a nice job, and most importantly status - SINGLE, JACKPOT!!! So, the next Sunday I position myself in a place to be seen. Mission Accomplished! We exchanged numbers, he calls within a few days, and the first date is set. He picks a nice restaurant and we have a good time. The conversation is pretty good, we have a lot in common, and he's VERY easy on the eye. At the end of the night we agree to do it again.
TWO WEEKS LATER...
We made plans for a Saturday night to go to the movies around 8 pm. 7:05 rolls around...I don't hear from him, 7:25 rolls around...nothing, at 7:45 this man has the audacity to text me (not call but TEXT) to let me know that he is still at a football game FIFTY MILES AWAY. So I'm sure that you can guess how disgusted I was. It wasn't that he had to cancel or that he got caught up, the problem was that he decided to inform me 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet.
I was pretty upset but I'm a sucker and I was over it about a week later until...I was driving into the church parking lot on Sunday and guess who's power-walking into the church building WITH another girl..you guessed it, Mr. Absent. Thought it was especially funny the way that he burned out of building as SOON as the benediction was over. THEN my aunt and I are casually talking about something and she mentions that she say Mr. Absent in an organic food store with a girl...and she was sure that it wasnt the same one he brought to church (guess I wasn't the only one peepin'). And if that wasn't enough, my line sister and I were walking around Downtown and guess who we see walking up the street (I promise people, I'm NOT making this up)...Mr. Absent with another girl. By the descriptions given and from what I saw with my own eyes, these were three completely different women, in a months time, with the same guy.
Lesson to be learned: Church guys aren't always the best choice
Bright side: After I saw him downtown, he hasn't been back to the church since...
Well you have to imagine my surprise when I walk in the church auditorium and see a very attractive young man sitting in one of the pews on Sunday. Almost immediately my antenna is raised and I'm zeroing in...inconspicuousely, of course! After service (and in private) I interrogate a few people who I know have the 411 (does anyone even say "411" anymore? Oh well...I guess I do ha ha). I receive all of the vital statistics: age - my age, background - college graduate WITH a nice job, and most importantly status - SINGLE, JACKPOT!!! So, the next Sunday I position myself in a place to be seen. Mission Accomplished! We exchanged numbers, he calls within a few days, and the first date is set. He picks a nice restaurant and we have a good time. The conversation is pretty good, we have a lot in common, and he's VERY easy on the eye. At the end of the night we agree to do it again.
TWO WEEKS LATER...
We made plans for a Saturday night to go to the movies around 8 pm. 7:05 rolls around...I don't hear from him, 7:25 rolls around...nothing, at 7:45 this man has the audacity to text me (not call but TEXT) to let me know that he is still at a football game FIFTY MILES AWAY. So I'm sure that you can guess how disgusted I was. It wasn't that he had to cancel or that he got caught up, the problem was that he decided to inform me 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet.
I was pretty upset but I'm a sucker and I was over it about a week later until...I was driving into the church parking lot on Sunday and guess who's power-walking into the church building WITH another girl..you guessed it, Mr. Absent. Thought it was especially funny the way that he burned out of building as SOON as the benediction was over. THEN my aunt and I are casually talking about something and she mentions that she say Mr. Absent in an organic food store with a girl...and she was sure that it wasnt the same one he brought to church (guess I wasn't the only one peepin'). And if that wasn't enough, my line sister and I were walking around Downtown and guess who we see walking up the street (I promise people, I'm NOT making this up)...Mr. Absent with another girl. By the descriptions given and from what I saw with my own eyes, these were three completely different women, in a months time, with the same guy.
Lesson to be learned: Church guys aren't always the best choice
Bright side: After I saw him downtown, he hasn't been back to the church since...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
He's Just Not That Into Me...
So i've been single for a while...the first 2 1/2 years were by choice and these last 2 1/2 years notsomuch. I always go to my friends and i'm like "Geez...what's the issue? There has to be at least ONE man that fits into my long list of requirements, right?" See...you dont understand, sometimes I feel like Kenya in the movie Something New. When someone asks me about what I am looking for, I start with about 3 or 4 good, solid characterists and then it's like a dam that's been broken, I end up listing almost every positive adjective in the dictionary. So i'm guessing that you can figure out their diagnosis for me...that my standards are too high. Personally, i dont feel that there is anything wrong with my standards, but since I did go to them for advice, I decided to take heed to their advice. One day when I was taking a "Mental Health Day" from work (meaning that I didnt feel like going in), I walked into a women's store in the mall. When I walked in I saw a very handsome man that happened to be working there. At that moment, I decided to take my friends advice and try something new. (Now, you should know that my list did list attributes such as educated...meaning having a degree, ambitious...meaning having a good, corporate job, and stable...meaning having a solid bank account) Well when I started picking up items to try on, he came over and took my clothes. When he did, he also complemented my hat and my glasses. The next time around he complemented the color of polish on my toes (that should have been a warning). So after I checked out, I gave him my number. He called and we made a date to meet at coffeehouse.
Well when he arrived...15 minutes late, I was taken aback by his off duty attire. He had on rings and braceletes. Now I understand that men have the right to accessorize, but these weren't the accessories of a heterosexual male. Again, I shook it off and decided that I would try to keep an open mind...that could just be his outlet of expression. Well as the night went on his voice started to go into a high-pitched tone, he started to look at every man that entered the establishment, and the conversation didn't interest me at all. On top of all of that...he asked me if I would take him home because he wasn't sure the next time the bus was coming.
Yeah...I just came to the conclusion that he just wasn't into me...and i dont think any other woman. So i guess it's back to the drawing for me!
**Bright Side: I guess it's better that I find this out now rather than a ring, mortgage, kids, etc later down the line when I find him in bed with a man. Plus, it was an interesting 45 minutes.
****UPDATE****
This guy is STILL calling and texting me asking to spend time.
How do you suggest that should I put him out of his misery?
"one day my prince will come..."
Well when he arrived...15 minutes late, I was taken aback by his off duty attire. He had on rings and braceletes. Now I understand that men have the right to accessorize, but these weren't the accessories of a heterosexual male. Again, I shook it off and decided that I would try to keep an open mind...that could just be his outlet of expression. Well as the night went on his voice started to go into a high-pitched tone, he started to look at every man that entered the establishment, and the conversation didn't interest me at all. On top of all of that...he asked me if I would take him home because he wasn't sure the next time the bus was coming.
Yeah...I just came to the conclusion that he just wasn't into me...and i dont think any other woman. So i guess it's back to the drawing for me!
**Bright Side: I guess it's better that I find this out now rather than a ring, mortgage, kids, etc later down the line when I find him in bed with a man. Plus, it was an interesting 45 minutes.
****UPDATE****
This guy is STILL calling and texting me asking to spend time.
How do you suggest that should I put him out of his misery?
"one day my prince will come..."
The Bright Side
26/f/s...I'm an avid reader. I will read anything that peeks my interest. With that being said, I've been reading a lot of articles and blogs on African-American women being single. I've also read all of the responses and commentaries that so-called "specialists" and "experts" have shared. As someone who's question was posted and answered by one of these relationship "experts" in a popular African-American woman's magazine, I can definitely say that their opinion is not Gospel. Matter-of-fact, it should be used purely for entertainment.
But, after countless conversations with girlfriends and family members, advice read on blogs and in magazines, and just from life experiences, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and diversify my dating portfolio. I've started to date men who don't have all of the items on my checklist. I figured "what do I have to lose?" I'm just sitting at home or out with friends...my Mr. Right could be right under my nose and I just don't know it. And if it doesn't work out then at least I was able to practice my dating skills. It's like going on an interview for a job that you didn't get. Yeah it sucks that you didn't get it, but at least you'll be closer to being on point for the next date who could turn into something more.
So...I'm using this as an outlet to share with the internet world the dates that I've been on. The couple that I'm going to post after this intro are DISASTERS! Like...they are so bad that I thought that I was on punk'd, boiling point, or hidden camera. They were just THAT bad! lol But I'm sure that there are plenty of ladies out there who can relate to some or all of my stories and I just want to let you know that you are NOT alone.
I'm convinced that if I kiss enough frogs, my prince will appear...eventually. So that's it...that's what this blog is about...dating disasters and pressing on toward The Bright Side!
Hope you enjoy!
XOXO,
Nia
But, after countless conversations with girlfriends and family members, advice read on blogs and in magazines, and just from life experiences, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and diversify my dating portfolio. I've started to date men who don't have all of the items on my checklist. I figured "what do I have to lose?" I'm just sitting at home or out with friends...my Mr. Right could be right under my nose and I just don't know it. And if it doesn't work out then at least I was able to practice my dating skills. It's like going on an interview for a job that you didn't get. Yeah it sucks that you didn't get it, but at least you'll be closer to being on point for the next date who could turn into something more.
So...I'm using this as an outlet to share with the internet world the dates that I've been on. The couple that I'm going to post after this intro are DISASTERS! Like...they are so bad that I thought that I was on punk'd, boiling point, or hidden camera. They were just THAT bad! lol But I'm sure that there are plenty of ladies out there who can relate to some or all of my stories and I just want to let you know that you are NOT alone.
I'm convinced that if I kiss enough frogs, my prince will appear...eventually. So that's it...that's what this blog is about...dating disasters and pressing on toward The Bright Side!
Hope you enjoy!
XOXO,
Nia